Nursing home stay after OHS

[maiae]

I am considering staying at a nursing home for a month after my OHS because I don't want my children (8 & 13) to see me sick again. I was wondering if anyone here has went that route and what the experience was like.

Thanks,
Maia

 

[Gail in Ca]

I would not ever recommend a nursing home. My aunt went to one to recover from hip replacement surgery. I went to visit her and she had died in her bed and they didn't even know about it until I went , crying, to get someone. Horrible,horrible place. I've had 2 OHS , the first when my daughter was 2 and the 2nd when she was 14. She was very okay with me coming home and wanted to see the scar. Our kids can handle the realityof their mom or dad recovering from surgery. I think it's the before part that's worse for everyone that cares about you.
Gail

 

[maiae]

:-(

:-(

I would not ever recommend a nursing home. My aunt went to one to recover from hip replacement surgery. I went to visit her and she had died in her bed and they didn't even know about it until I went , crying, to get someone. Horrible,horrible place. I've had 2 OHS , the first when my daughter was 2 and the 2nd when she was 14. She was very okay with me coming home and wanted to see the scar. Our kids can handle the realityof their mom or dad recovering from surgery. I think it's the before part that's worse for everyone that cares about you.
Gail

Gail, I'm so sorry your aunt and you had to go through such a terrible ordeal.

As for your experience with recovery and your daughter; I appreciate your input and agree that the before part is tough to deal with. I mainly worry because my children and husband just went through this with me last year, and they have had to deal with my limitations since ... I worry about putting too much stress on them and my husband.

Thanks again for your help, Gail. I will certainly consider an alternative.

Maia

 

[samiam]

This must be a hard decision for you. As a husband, I feel quite helpless when my better half is recovering. But I would rather help take care of her at home than think about what is going on at a nursing home. Maybe if it was a rehab facility instead of a nursing home, I would feel better. Speaking of feeling better, there's no place like home. Maybe your kids would feel better if they could help get you things to make you feel comfortable. Of course, you have to weigh everything and make the final decision. You know best what your situation is.

Good Luck!

 

[PJmomrunner]

Look into a visiting nurse to help on the home front if you are worried about over-taxing your husband and kids, that way their schedules can be as close to normal as possible, since they won't have to deal with visiting you in the rehab center AND they'll have the comfort of knowing their beloved wife and mother is okay. Rent a hospital bed and whatever else you think you'll need to minimize impact if you think it will help. My kids would be sure I was dying if I was away for a month.

 

[Ross]

I wouldn't even consider it! Children need to be part of your recovery too. It's not that your going to be seen sick, it's that your going to be seen recovering from it!

 

[LLJ]

I don't know what your area of the world is like,but if there is a large hospital nearby with a subacute floor,that might do you better. The hospital system I work for has a small Rehab hospital which has a lively subacute wing. Although I do Outpatient Sports Med PT, I often sub and do per diem work there and I have treated quite a few Valvers and CABGs. The catch is your insurance would have to approve it,because you do not want to pay that bill yourself! Secondly, you should check it out yourself and make sure it's where you want to be. If the aide/nursing/PT care seems shabby,don't go! I tshould be a bright and upbeat place. Lastly, do not underestimate your kids! Give them a chance to help take care of you and see you. Have help at home if you can. My kids may not appreciate now what I went through and how I fought my way back to health,but some day they may remember it and use it to get through a tough time in their life . Good luck
Laura
I agree,nursing homes will only depress you.

 

[jayaresq]

Hi Maiae. At first, my 5 year old daughter was scared, too. But after my surgery, it made her feel good to be supportive. Sometimes, she dressed up as a nurse. She still asks to put vitamin E on my scar. Your kids may prefer to be proactive. I would think it would be more worrisome to a child to know his/her mom is being nursed back to health elsewhere. At least for younger kids.

For me, it was my office colleagues I wanted to stay away my first few weeks post-op. Still, if your family has gone through this already, they know the drill. It will be good support for you to be home. And nothing raises morale like a determined recovery.

Even so, if you elect to recover away from home a little longer, I still agree with Gail -- a nursing home can't really be the best available alternative. Aside from the unbearable conditions, it might convey to your family an unintended message.

Best wishes for all good things. -- Jim

 

[Curtsmum]

Not quite the same for me as my child will be the patient.I have to agree with the others. As the saying goes home is where the heart is. I think that would be a much better choice. Good luck in your decision and all the best.

 

[Cris N]

Maiae,
I can certainly understand your not wanting your kids to see you sick, especially after your previous surgical experiences. But I think because of that, they would be more frightened not having you at home. Not being able to see you whenever they want might let their imaginations run wild. I would definitely go the route of having someone come in rather than you go to a facility of some sort. Best of luck.

Cris

 

[terryj]

Three of our grandchildren came to the hospital 3 days after my husbands surgery to see Pawpaw. They were 1,6 and 9. It did him good to see them and made them feel better knowing he was okay. Once he came home they were very frequent visitors. The 6 year old took most of the walks with Pawpaw to make sure he didn't tire himself out. I think home is the best place after surgery but that is a personal choice.

 

[hensylee]

all family members need to be a part of the healing process, no matter what age. THEY need to heal, too. If you are an absent parent for a month, this will only confuse your children. If you need further advice on this, ask your doctor's opinion. Bet he/she will tell you the same as us.

Bottom line, they need you - you need them.

 

[Yaps]

all family members need to be a part of the healing process, no matter what age. THEY need to heal, too. If you are an absent parent for a month, this will only confuse your children. If you need further advice on this, ask your doctor's opinion. Bet he/she will tell you the same as us.

Bottom line, they need you - you need them.

Like she said.Agreed,,,

 

[Marguerite53]

Please find an alternative

Please find an alternative

I don't like that idea. My father (77 at the time) had triple by-pass when I was in full-time graduate school with 3 school aged children at home. From the hospital he went to a nursing home for 10 days. Then he came to my house. His stay at the nursing home was dreadful. I was over there every day (as your husband would be) and his roommates were scary, noisey, had inconsiderate family. Ugh. He was even robbed!!

Several years later he developed a wound on his heel that was very very stubborn to heal. The dressing needed changing every few days for months (he had punctured it with a blackberry thorn while ripping ivy off his beloved fir trees on his property -- this is a spry, energetic little guy). We finally ended up having the Visiting Nurses take care of him and they were absolutely, without a doubt, the most kind, considerate, punctual, attentive, caring group I have ever run across. PLEASE look into something like that.

And keep your family involved. I remember when my father had his surgery, I had my, then little daughter in tow, waiting at the hospital. The surgeon called me into a room to give me his post surgery report. Then he told me to go see my father. My daughter couldn't go in, so I balked and said I'd come back later. The surgeon found me someone to leave my daughter with, and insisted that I go in NOW to see my father as the human connection was of primary importance in recovery. This from the surgeon!

Good luck. Whatever decision you make will be the one which works best for you and your family. We can't know all the variables, we can only make suggestions for you to consider. I think we all will agree that you need to go with your gut on these things. But I do hope you will consider all the ideas which are offered here.

Best wishes. Marguerite

 

[imhayley]

thinking of you

thinking of you

Maiae I hope you find what works best for you. I wish you all the best and please know your in my prayers.
click click click
Hayley

 

[Karlynn]

I think the trauma of having their Mom away from them and in a nursing home would be much much worse than going through the recovery with you. I don't think you'd want to pass along the message that family doesn't weather the hard stuff together. They need to see you steadily improve.

As parents, we want to protect our children from all the bad stuff in life. But part of being a good parent is to teach them how to weather the bad stuff, your recovery will show them that they are strong and that they can handle the bumps in the road.

 

[Debrinha GT]

My daughter Bruna!

My daughter Bruna!

I've already had three mitral valve replacements but I didn't have any children then. Now, I'm in line for my fourth and my eight year-old daughter is fully aware of what it's going to be like when I come home. She's obviously not looking forward to it, but has already said that she wants to help me during the recovery process. I firmly believe that children accept these things better when they can be involved in one way or another. Wish you luck with whatever you decide to do, but if it were me, I'd feel much better at home as well!
Débora

 

[Georgia]

Ditto Karlynn. I think the reality of a healing mom beats what a kid's imagination can dream up. Is she really getting well? What if she's dying?

And the teenager will be furious somewhere inside because teenagers don't want to be out of the loop ever.

I had cancer when my girls were 14 and 16. Although I was never as incapacitated as I was post-ohs (briefly), I was very ill from chemo periodically and as tired from radiation as I was from ohs. It went on and on; and the girls came through it with flying colors. They also learned to cook.

Please reconsider. All I wanted after ohs was to be home, and I'm sure your kids wouldn't feel seeing you tired and walking around etc. was scary.

 

[Karlynn]

I happened to thing of one other big issue - depression. It's very common for OHS patients to suffer from post-op depression. I cannot imagine how depressed I would get from 4 weeks in a nursing home. I got depressed enough during the OHS stay in the hospital and before that, I had 2 one-week stays in the hospital for testing for my arrhythmias. My kids would come to see me and after they's leave I'd cry for quite a while. I think you would be doing yourself, and your children, more harm than good to spend that much time away from your family.

 

[geebee]

[size=+2]"THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME." [/size]