Need help to not go crazy

[MissMelis]

You guys...it's the waiting room.

I find out the results of the MRI on Thursday to determine where the aneurysm is at. And I am going out of my MIND. I think I'm becoming obsessive about the whole thing, constantly reading everything I can on it, even though it all really says the same thing.

Another thing is, I feel crazy for saying this, but I don't really know what I want to hear. If it's grown, it likely means more surgery, the thought of which I obviously don't relish...but what's the alternative? More living in limbo and fear?

Another thing is, I'm going to want to be having kids soon...and if it hasn't grown, I don't know what that means. My cardio said if it hasn't grown, he felt that pregnancy would be a low risk...but after reading all I have here and elsewhere, I don't think I agree with that at all, and I would want the aneurysm taken care of before I try to have kids. But if I have to wait until after it's fixed, then I don't want to wait too long.

Gahhh! I feel like I'm losing it sometimes. I thought I had a good grip on this, but as the day of results and reckoning (slowly) approaches, I find that it's all I'm thinking about and I'm having trouble focusing on anything else.

I think I just needed to vent. Trying to explain this to people who have no heart issues is like talking to a wall sometimes...a lot of smiling and nodding. I don't want smiling and nodding. I want to stamp my feet and throw things.

ANYWAY. I think I've rambled on enough...I'm just struggling a bit.

Thanks for listening everyone!

Melissa

 

[Bina]

Can you hide under a rock until Thursday?

 

[escargome]

Quietly and with dignity go into your bedroom and close the door. Find as many soft pillows as you can. then kick and punch the heck out of them. Go ahead and stamp your feet if you like. There is absolutely nothing wrong with throwing a temper fit every once in awhile.

 

[bahlvarun]

you know wht, this is wht my doc said to me,

"we have a situation, we know we have a solution and we will deal with it.

So, its not your concern anymore, forget anything is happening to you, just remember if anything happens there are people to take care of it"

if you remember this you may feel a sense of calm coming over...it happened to me....

till that time, watch some episodes of desprate housewife's...

 

[Eva]

Vent it out, Melissa, as often as you want and as much as you want. We are here to hear you and support you. All you are going through is VERY normal. If you pray, pray a lot as only prayers helped pick me personally up during those times; or medidate by focussing on the healthier Melissa and enjoying life. It is difficult to do this at this stage, but doable!! Now, I feel sorry for every minute I spent with anxiety before surgery which stole a big part of me and of my life at that time.

I will keep you in my prayers. Go out and meet with people you love very much and whom you love. It helped me to talk to my little grand nephews and grand nieces whom I dote on.

Good luck. Smile...you have a beautiful smile and just by smiling your muscles will release 'whatever substance it is' to help you feel better.

 

[WayneGM]

Vent away. That's what we're here for. Hang in there.

 

[Maryka]

Well, now it is Friday. What happened??? Pregnancy/childbirth is tricky with aneurysms, as you must know. I am really glad I had my kids very early in life, before I knew I had an aneurysm. I have known women with aneurysms in the 3 cm range who had pregnancies with no problems (except lots of evaluations). They took lots of beta blockers, btw. Pregnancy makes aneurysms grow. So, what was the result of your test?

 

[Ross]

My dear your going to fret over this until it is taken care of, so don't drive yourself insane until you know it's time to be driven insane. Meanwhile, I'll be happy to help you in that department. Insanity is my specialty!

 

[MissMelis]

Teehee.

Thanks everyone. (Bina and escargome - I laughed a good one at your comments)
Maryka - it's next Thursday, June 11 that I get my results, so I don't know anything yet.

 

[laurad37]

Try keeping yourself as busy as possible until Thursday so you don't think about it. Go swimming, bungy jumping, skydiving... anything to think about something else. And researching for hours will drive you even more crazy.. trust me.

 

[Ross]

Try keeping yourself as busy as possible until Thursday so you don't think about it. Go swimming, bungy jumping, skydiving... anything to think about something else. And researching for hours will drive you even more crazy.. trust me.

Great suggestion! Be sure to have someone take lots of Pics of you doing these things and post them. Curious George, err, minds want to see.

 

[MissMelis]

Great suggestion! Be sure to have someone take lots of Pics of you doing these things and post them. Curious George, err, minds want to see.

Well, I am going out for drinks with The Girls tonight, but you probably wouldn't want to see THAT, so I'll not bother with pics

 

[Ross]

Well, I am going out for drinks with The Girls tonight, but you probably wouldn't want to see THAT, so I'll not bother with pics

Don't be ridiculous, of course I would.

You have to remember, I'm pretty much glued to the inside of my house. Anything outside of it is very much of interest to me. Actually, you girls are whats keeping me motivated to stay alive. Does that mean anything to you all?

 

[zipper2]

Melissa the waiting is the worse,which you already know be it size,surgery
just the appt thursday.All this on your mind.
I've got my appt 18th and 19th and ive had surgery and i'm going crazy
cause my appts have been so grim.Thinking what (NEXT) and i gotta go alone
I can sure identify with how your feeling and keep busy,think positive,think less,easier said than done for sure i know but your venting and thats great.
I'm holding in and not good for me.Not ready to vent yet lol

Better suggestion enjoy outing with the girls it will do you good.

zipper2 (DEB)

 

[cbdheartman]

Then stay away from me! I am crazy too.

 

[pamela]

Dear Deb, I wish my echo was scheduled for the same time. I'd meet you and help ya sit through some of the wait. Sadly, I'm not going down to Edmonton for mine until the 24th. Meanwhile, I've had 12 noteworthy events on my monitor and a few others that haven't lasted long enough. I guess I'll learn all about those results soon enough.

MissMel... You could be driving to Edmonton for your tests, too. We could have an AlSask reunion if it were so.

Take Heart,
Pamela.

 

[zipper2]

Dear Deb, I wish my echo was scheduled for the same time. I'd meet you and help ya sit through some of the wait. Sadly, I'm not going down to Edmonton for mine until the 24th. Meanwhile, I've had 12 noteworthy events on my monitor and a few others that haven't lasted long enough. I guess I'll learn all about those results soon enough.

MissMel... You could be driving to Edmonton for your tests, too. We could have an AlSask reunion if it were so.

Take Heart,
Pamela.

Nothing like uniting on Melissa's post (sorry Mel) Pam thanks but i should make it,i'm driving (alone)Dales working and i'm staying at forget the place (name) motel, (SEE) don't know where i'm going sorry to hear bout your 12 unworthyhope not too serious) upon your results.
i have alot of jogging so to speak in 2 days thereTEST,test,test so but i wanna get it over with,my worry is the traffic,Dales added few gray hairs
over me going alone,i just know im gonna get lost in city so need to leave alot earlier to@from appts.My holter monitor should have a GPS when they hook me up RIGHT?? just joking im leaving 17th.

Sorry mellissa and thanks for hyjack!!!!!

zipper2 (DEB)

 

[RvUsa]

Melissa, I hear ya!! I am tired of waiting, and it's only been a month or so... and I am going nuts. If one more person tells me not to worry, I am gonna slap em. LOL

If you figure out a good way to get through this make sure to tell me! I don't know what I would do without this place, it has been more comfort to me than any of the doctors or friends etc.

I say have your temper tantrum, go drinking with the girls, live life, and what happens happens, and put your faith in a higher power.

 

[Freddie]

Melissa, hope you enjoyed yourself with the girls......and so you should!

I echo what John has said.... what happens happens, we cannot change the future. We deal with each new day as it comes and deal with the outcomes at the end of each day.
No point on wasting a good day on the "what if's".

Hiding under a rock will only make the days longer, but I do like the idea of the pillows in the closest...........may have to use that one myself.

In the mean time take care and be good to yourself.

 

[Marguerite53]

you know wht, this is wht my doc said to me,

"we have a situation, we know we have a solution and we will deal with it.

So, its not your concern anymore, forget anything is happening to you, just remember if anything happens there are people to take care of it"

if you remember this you may feel a sense of calm coming over...it happened to me....

till that time, watch some episodes of desprate housewife's...

Except for the Desperate Housewive's comment (I don't care for the show but love the actresses) I think Varun says it very well!!! Can you find a little comfort in his words?

Then, on the flip side.... I always thought that someone should open up a place where you could go and throw old dishes. Call it the "Venting Zone" or something. Or old chipped drinking glasses. Something that you could just wail against a wall and hear and watch it go smash!!! Wouldn't that feel great???

Hope your night out with the girls was helpful. Even if they can't really understand, at least the chatter and girl giggling can distract you enough to help pass the time.

You aren't going to feel right until you get the result. And then you may find that your decision/emotion/choices change from whatever they might be today anyway. So it is VERY important to vent.....really..... please stay sane and come here !!

In the meantime, every glass is half full (not half empty)... every lemon is for lemonade, listen to the sounds/sights/smells of spring and summer (birds chirping, roses, etc.) and try to engage your happiness in all things.

I always like these phrases from the Desiderata

"Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. "

Hang in there! Best wishes.

Marguerite