My husband needs surgery, I'm scared!

[vero1]

Hi, my name is Veronica Martinez I am 29 years old, and we found out 5 years ago my husband was going to need surgery to replace his aortic heart valve, he was diagnosed with aortic stenosis and regurgitation (don't know if spelled right). Any way, he has a biscupid valve. He is 31 years old and we have a 3 year old little boy. We went to cardiologist last Thursday and found out that his last echo shows more calcification of the valve and that he will be scheduled for an angiogram to see if he might need to go into surgery in the next 3 months. I am person with anxiety problems as it is and now I am really freaked out. I don't know what to expect. I keep thinking all of these thoughts of what if he dies, what will I do by myself etc. Doctor told us at his age there is a 2% chance something will go wrong, I know that is a slim chance but still, it's open heart surgery and I am scared. I know he is probably more scared, but he dosen't show it. He tells me he is going to be ok and he seems so strong about it. Please help. I'm trying to be strong in front of him, but when he is not around I can't help but cry.

 

[tommy]

Veronica,

Sorry that this is happening to your husband. Glad you found us at VR.com. 1000+ of us have gone through this, you can and will also.

It is natural and okay to be scared. Spend some time looking through past posts and keep asking questions of your doctors and of us.

I found out about my biscupid aortic valve at about age 30 when a bacterial infection ate some of it away. I went 16 years before the surgery was required. I'm fine now and more active than ever. Everybody's situation is different, but both of you have a lot to look forward to.

It's hard to give relationship advice, but I would look for an opportunity to share your feelings with your husband. He may want to unload his fears as well. Holding back doesn't tend to be beneficial in the long run.

Best wishes to you both. Hang in there.

 

[PapaHappyStar]

Hi Veronica,

I am 32 and we have a 2 yr old son, I just had surgery to replace my bicuspid aortic valve. My wife experienced what you describe as well, but recovered to become my strongest supporter through the surgery -- it is good you are sharing these feelings with us -- I am sure you will be a great source of support for your husband.

Take some time out together alone if you can ( eat out etc. ) and talk about your fears.

All the best with your husband's surgery, please keep us updated -- we will be pulling for you.

Best Regards,
Burair

 

[Ross]

Hello and welcome to our humbled little home

Whenever someone hears the words, "Open Heart Surgery" they immediately think of the worst thing they can. Heart surgery has come a long long way in the last 10 years. It's almost as casual as a tonsillectomy, but not quite!

Rest easy and trust that all will be ok, because it will. It's no picnic for him or for you, but if you help each other, you'll grow stronger together. Yes there is that minute chance that he may not make it, but 98% is in his favor, so look at that figure instead of the 2%.

Read around in Heart talk and presurgery. Many of the questions running through your mind will be answered there and those that aren't just ask. We've all been there, some of us a couple times now, so you'll get honest, truthful answers, not sugar coated or misleading ones.

Welcome aboard!

 

[Nancy]

My husband has had three heart valve surgeries and two lung surgeries which are even more difficult in the recovery phase. He also has a pacemaker and several other serious problems. He's 73 and still here doing well.

Thinking about open heart surgery is pretty scary if you dwell on what it all entails. But this surgery is highly perfected and the surgeons who do this are extremely highly skilled. They are in and out of people's hearts at least a couple of times a day most days. They know how to fix up everything that's wrong with hearts.

Your husband will have the best care the hospital can give. He will have one to one nursing care for the first day or two, then one to two or three for the next day or so, then he'll probably be sent to the cardiac care floor which is more relaxed.

You won't believe it, but he'll be up and walking around about the second day after surgery, and he'll be home in from 4-7 days. It's so amazing!

The early recovery is about what you would expect from major, major surgery. It's not like an appendectomy, far more serious and he'll be weak. You'll be helping him most of the time the first week at least, and then he'll gradually get better. After 6-8 weeks, he'll be feeling pretty well, and will be cleared to drive and even go back to work.

The rest of the healing takes about a year and will happen little by little.

But he will feel much better after getting things fixed up.

There are so many people here with all sorts of information to share with you. Just about anything you can think up, someone here can answer for you.

So take this opportunity to learn as much as you can about what will happen. It will help a lot. Knowledge is power.

Best wishes.

 

[vero1]

Thank You All Soooo Much!!!!

Thank You All Soooo Much!!!!

Gosh you guys thank you so much for all of your responses. I really, really appreciate all of your imput. I will look through the posts for more information. I feel so much more positive. Thanks again, you guys are great!
Veronica

 

[thecman321]

samee boat

samee boat

I am going through the same thing.
My wife is also 32 and will be undergoing AVR in 3 weeks!!
I am sure we share the same nightmares.
We are coming to grips with this. Good family support and educating yourself, using this site, does take some of the fear away!

C

 

[Gemma]

Heart surgery has come a long long way in the last 10 years. It's almost as casual as a tonsillectomy, but not quite!

Actually, Jim had more problems immediately following his tonsillectomy (presumably from his then undiagnosed bicuspid valve) than after his valve replacement. There's always one I suppose .

Hello Veronica,

I think it's pretty safe to say all of us "significant others" have felt the same things you're feeling right now, and all the VR patients have felt them too from the opposite perspective - how will they cope if something happens to me, that type of thing. It's so important to keep talking to your husband about how you're feeling - my boyfriend Jim (28 in March) and I had a few weepy moments together when contemplating his surgery a year ago, but these talks served to make us stronger as a couple and somehow I feel like we can get through anything now as long as I've got him by my side . It's kind of ironic - one of the things that first attracted me to him was how strong (physically and emotionally) he was and how safe he made me feel - it was a big shock when I had to be the strong one for him.

The important thing to remember is that the surgeons who do this surgery are very very experienced and for them it is a routine surgery -they are quick to react if something "unexpected" occurs and can usually rectify any problems. I believe Jim's surgeon told us the risk of death was 1% or so, and stroke 1-2%, with various other problems such as arrhythmia and the need for a pacemaker as possibilities. As others have said already, that's a 98% survival rate - and a much better prognosis than not having the surgery.

I think I may be alone in being the only SO who isn't married - which caused me a lot of anxiety - I wasn't Jim's next of kin, so what would happen if anything went wrong? Who would tell me? Honestly, I think that worried me as much, if not more than the prospect of him having the surgery . I bought him a Medic Alert membership in March and it has my contact details along with his parents' so that's resolved that problem .

Anyway, I think I've waffled for long enough! As Nancy said - ask anything that comes to mind, someone's bound to have an answer. Personally I've found that knowledge is power - the more you learn about what's going on, the less scary it seems.

Best wishes,

Gemma.

 

[vero1]

Thank you Gemma for all of your encouraging words. Can I ask how did Jim's surgery go and how is he doing now. One of the tough choices for my husband to make is what kind of valve to choose since he is still young. Doctor recommends mechanical valve for that reason. Can I ask what kind Jim got at his young age, and how he likes it. I would appreciate anyone's imput, and again, thank you!!!!!

Veronica

P.S. I am new to this site and would like to post a picture but can't figure it out, if anyone could help I would appreciate it.

 

[countryboy]

This is a typical responce when facing OHS. My wife said this was the most terrified she had ever been in her life and we came through in great shape. Keep the communication lines open with your husband. You both need to share your feelings. My wife said she was amazed at my calm state of mind before the surgery. I had a month from initial problem until my surgery.
Two things caused this calm feeling. The first was that I did want to keep feeling the way I did the past summer with the SOB and extreme fatigue. The second was the support I received from my family and friends. I have always thought I was a somewhat spiritual person, but I had no clue what the power of prayer can do. Several of the churches here had me on their prayer list and, trust me on this, I could feel their support.
It also helps to have a sense of humor. One of my friends brought me (not one, but two stuffed pigs) when I was in ICU. I had a porcine valve.
Your husband will be fine as he is young and you two will have many more years together.

God Bless

Bobby

 

[Gemma]

Veronica,
Jim has a mechanical valve - as recommended by his surgeon. The main "problem" as Pam said is the warfarin and regular blood testing and having to cut back on alcohol (for me too as it turns out - no fun drinking while your SO is sober!! - no doubt our livers and bank balances will thank us in years to come), however given the choice of that or a tissue valve which we would know needed replacing in 10 or so years it was a bit of a no-brainer. (This is a hotly debated topic - check out the Valve Selection section).
The surgery went great - even the next day Jim said he could feel how much better his heart was working. It took a while longer than some people for him to feel any major benefit, mainly because he only had "mild" symptoms prior to surgery, but now, just over a year post-op, he has finally admitted to feeling better than before his surgery . I'd kind of stopped asking because "about the same" was quite disappointing to hear, especially as it was me who instigated his first appointment with his doctor which led to the discovery of his bicuspid valve and hugely enlarged left ventricle, so I feel like a weight's been lifted to know it was all worthwhile.
The ticking took some getting used to - Jim's cardiologist asked once if Jim could hear it - I was sitting about 6 feet away and said "are you saying you can't? I can hear it from here!!!" And it bothered him at first when he went out on his motorbike and could hear it echoing in his helmet, but all in all things are good .

Gemma.

The photo thing is done through your user CP (top left) but I'll let Ross or someone explain it as I can't quite remember what I did!!

 

[EVELYN]

Hi Veronica

I'm Evelyn, whose husband, Tyce, had AVR in 2002. He was 59, but trust me when I say that it doesn't matter what age he is, the fear is still the same. I was a wreck.....an ABSOLUTE WRECK, and it was this list that got me through. I remember that all I did was cry. Ross, Bonnie, Nancy, Henslyee, and everyone else on this list calmed me down and made me realize that I wasn't the one in control. Once I realized that, I was basically ok and while it was difficult, I was able to deal with the surgery and be Tyce's strongest advocate.

You WILL be fine and so will your hubby. I can tell you that the waiting is the most difficult part of this game. I will put you both in my prayers. I don't doubt for a second that your husband will be fine.

Please share your feelings with us....sometimes we're the only ones you can share with.

My very best.

Evelyn

 

[surfsparky]

Hi Veronica,
Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking and praying for you. It's a tough time. My heart goes out to you because what you are desciribing is exactly what I went through 18 months ago with my husband Chris. He was 31 years old and we had a 3 year old and a 10 month old and I was terrified. I swayed from feeling strong one day and then completely teary the next. Good thing about children though, is that they make you keep going, and they make you smile. Looking back now, Chris and I say that although it was the hardest moment in our lives (so far!), it was also a time of many blessings. We learned a lesson only one can learn when facing mortaltity, and that is that love and making each day count is so important. Seeing and supporting Chris was much better than I anticipated...he had a relatively smooth time recovering, and life is better than ever! Keep posting and sharing how you feel, no matter if it's anger, anxiousness, hurt etc...we are all here for you.
Take care,
Yolanda (Chris' wife)

 

[bobbie416]

Hi Veronica,

I am so sorry you are going through this but you are so blessed you found this place and these wonderful people.

My 34 year old daughter had OHS 6 months ago to repair her mitral valve. She has two toddlers, who are our precious grandchildren. Terrified doesn't even come close to what I was feeling. I also suffer with anxiety so I thought I was going out of my mind with worry and thinking all those thoughts you had or have. I just found this place one day and began sharing and asking questions. What a relief it was to know I was not alone and not judged for worrying and feeling so stupid about it all. I had so many questions.
Everyone was so helpful and so SMART!! I couldn't believe the wealth of information I had here and I used all of it. I was glued to the computer for weeks. We used so much of the information to ask the doctor's and after a while felt so much more in control.

I think that is the thing that really helped me Veronica. I don't know about you, but with anxiety, loss of control is a real biggie for me. So, by being here and learning and helping my daughter- I felt I had some sort of control (though I rREALLY know I can't control a darn thing) but it gave me something to hang on to. Knowledge is power to me and by learning and researching I found I felt empoweered and felt I was doingwhatever I could to help my daughter.

She is doing so well. After just a few days we were outside taking walks and she was back in the swing of her life. But she was scared. But she knew this would make her quality of life better and her children's.

These doctor's are sent by the angels. We found our angel that's for sure.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless you with peace evebn though I know that seems impossible now. Leting your husband talk about his feelings is such a good thing.. as much as he can without pushing it..

Blessings,
bobbie(mom to Janine MVR6-7-04 NYU)

 

[momshell7]

Welcome Veronica!

Welcome Veronica!

Hi and welcome to the site. This is a great place to be!! My husband had his aortic valve and part of the root replace on Oct. 18th of this year. This was my first experience with all of the preparations etc that go into OHS. My husband was born with a narrow aortic valve and at age 16 he had the valve widened. For whatever reason, he was under the impression that he would never have to have another surgery since "his problem was corrected". What a shock it was to us both when last January, after a severe case of strep throat, he found out that his valve was leaking. He hadn't seen a cardiologist for about 16 years. He was told that he would need surgery but they didnt' know how soon. After a second echo, the cardiologist said that his heart wouldn 't make another two year and surgery should be sooner than later. Talk about freaking someone out! I am a very anxious person to begin with and this sent me over the edge.

The day he went to the hospital for the catherization it all hit me. It was shortly after that that I discovered this site. What a God-send this site has been for me. My husband and I both got a lot of help here.

My husband is will be 38 on Jan. 9 and he is doing great. His surgery went better than expected and is recovery has been very fast. He has a porcine tissue valve. His surgeon is world reknown and goes to Europe on a regular basis to teach other surgeons. He recommended the tissue valve for my husband. After a lot of research, my husband decided on the tissue valve. His surgeon said it was the best currently available. This is, of course, just his opinion. Each person has to decide which valve is best for their situation.

Please feel free to email me directly if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to. I can totally relate to been scared about the surgery. I was scared not only for my husband but also for myself and our two little boys.

Sorry for rambling!! Email if you like
Again, welcome to the site

Michelle

 

[HarryG]

Keep your spirits up!!

Keep your spirits up!!

Hi Veronica,
My name is Lauren and my husband has surgery this past July. He did really and suffered no complications. My advice to you is to speak to your own doctor and maybe get something to calm your nerves because your husband will need you more than you know. It's perfectly normal to worry and you should talk to your husband about this. I'm sure it wouldn't be a surprise to him that you are worried if that is your nature. Take care of yourself because your family and your husband will be leaning on you. Be strong!!!
Lauren