My Choice My Regret

[Guest]

If I had know then what I know now about this Mechanical Valve, I would NOT have gotten one. I am reminded on a daily basis the ordeal I went thru before the valve like seeing the scar is not enough. I am not bitter, just wiser now. Maybe the lack of oxygen affected my judgement, or I felt pressured. I keep praying the noise settles down. My next valve, in 20 years or so, will be a pig valve. Regardless of what my Dr wants or suggests.

 

[escargome]

Hey Topmommy, first it has only been a little while since your valve replacement. Give yourself a little more time. Next, why are you only giving your mechanical valve 20 years? Try to hang in there. The scar while it likely won't go away completely will fade in time. What is bugging you about the mechanical valve? The ticking? The Coumadin (sp??) Try not to get down on yourself. You are still gonna have good days and bad days. I can't say I know what you are going through since I chose a cow valve, but I firmly believe that in a few more months (maybe a year or so) all will smooth out. If you just want to vent, PM me and I will listen. I have really really big ears. I hope that soon you will begin to believe that this has all been for the better. Cause pig valve, cow valve or mechanical valve, you are still alive and seeing the daisys from the flower side rather than the root side. Much hugs and good vibes coming from me to you.

 

[Freddie]

Granted, in some ppl the "ticking" sound does not subside, in others it does....let me try to explain.
Your body is so "in-tune" with what is new. You feel aches and pains, twitches that may have not been there before surgery.
Once you and your body recover a little longer there is a chance that "ticking" may fade too.

I went through the same thing, to a point I couldn't sleep. It took time and although I still hear my valve in the shower and at times in bed, my body has healed and has become accustomed to the valve. Guess my body is not as "fine-tune" anymore :redface2:
In time the same thing should happen to you.
Take Care

 

[Mentu]

TM, I think Chris has said what many of us have found. At two and a half months, you still have a lot of recovery to go. Your heart will continue to remodel itself for some time to come. As well, your muscles and nerves are still going to take awhile to finish healing. Are attending Cardiac Rehab? If not, it might be a very good experience for you; for me it did seem to speed up my recovery.

Larry

 

[kfay]

Topmommy, I'm so sorry to hear that you are having regrets. But I agree with the others that it is still so early in your recovery, so if it is the sound of the valve itself that is bothering you, your body still has a lot of healing to do and hopefully with that healing will come some changes that will make it much better for you. If it is coumadin that is bothering you, with time, you'll just get so used to it, you won't even give it a second thought.

Hang in there and know that we are all here to lend you an ear when you need it.


Kim

 

[catwoman]

Topmommy:

When I was still in the hospital, my niece & nephew came to see me -- and heard me ticking away while standing beside my bed.
When I went back to work, I could hear the ticking even over normal office noise (phones ringing, conversation, computers, etc.) & ceiling fans on.

I seldom hear my valve now (just when I'm in a tiled bathroom).
It's not because I've gotten "used" to it. It just doesn't make much noise anymore. I'm sitting in my den right now, with TV on very low, and I do not hear my valve. A 9-year-old Persian cat is sleeping beside me on the sofa; he's snoring (as usual) and I can sure hear that.

 

[Bina]

Oh boy, I understand totally.
My valve drove me NUTS, the pounding drove me NUTS, the meds drove me NUTS, and I was ready to jump off
a bridge because of the anxiety and misery of it all. But, you know what? It gets better. And better. Soon enough you
will be past this rough spot and learn to live again and be happy again. It helps to think of even one tiny thing each
day that you are happy for or thankful for. Treat yourself to a new haircut, or a new outfit. I spent some time
ordering things like clothes and books on-line and that cheered me up.
Keep your chin up, things will get better.

 

[normofthenorth]

Thanks for sharing your regrets, Topmommy, but I hope and suspect that they will pass, or at least fade. As others have already said, there's no basis for assuming that you'll ever need a re-op, at 20 years, or 30, or 40. That'll be great news if you do end up making peace with your valve. . .

Also, it may help for you to distinguish between your valve's physical clicking -- which may well gradually fade, like catwoman's -- and the sound you're hearing. That sound starts with the physical clicking, but by the time it bugs you or drives you nuts, it's passed through a bunch of "mental filters", which can either make it louder or softer. I'm sure you've already forgotten it for (at least) minutes at a time when you were distracted by something important. But there are many other mental techniques and tricks -- not to mention sound generators, noise-absorbing surfaces, drugs, etc. -- that might help. I hope you can find some that help you to focus on the blessing part of the valve, and ignore the curse part.

 

[Lionheart]

Topmommy,
When I read your thread titled "My Choice My Regret", I immediately assumed that you had chosen a tissue valve and that it had failed too early and you needed a redo. I was surprised to read that your regret was related to the noise of a mechanical valve. A problem like that should be taken seriously by your doctor-have you spoken to him about it?

Sorry, I don't know what that noise is like so I can't relate to that issue, but I can relate to being only 2-3 months post op. Trust me, you ain't healed physically or mentally just yet and I expect that what you are experiencing right now will change and improve as time goes by.

I too remember looking at my scar every morning after showering and reliving my surgical ordeal. It's not fun to be reminded of that. Over time, both my scar and the negative memories of my surgery have faded and gradually I have healed to become more than that moment when my heart was exposed to the world. It will get better.

As your healing continues please update this thread and let us know how things progress or change. Your experience could be of benefit to others.
I wish you the best,
John

 

[neil]

sorry to hear your going through a rough patch.........but am sure it will get better.........chin up mate

 

[Superman]

I've been through the choice twice. I chose mechanical over 20 years ago and chose it again a year ago when I had to do it again.

The valve itself from the original surgery would still be going strong. My redo was due to an aortic aneurysm. My new valve is louder, but I do recall that it gets quieter. My wife is bothered by the noise, but by the time I started dating her, it had been over four years since my first replacement. I'm only about 16 months out on this one. I keep telling her it will get quieter, but I do wonder if the graft is making a difference in the noise level.

Having had heart surgery twice, I can tell you first hand I would always pick the option that minimized the chance of requiring surgery again. I'm not one to gamble on the catheter replacement being a serious option for anyone younger wanting to put normal demands on the heart in my lifetime. If I was lucky and got 15 years out of a tissue valve every time, I would have been looking at a minimum of four or five surgeries by the time I was 80. No thanks.

 

[Protimenow]

The noise does seem to soften with time. Your focus on it can also weaken, so you don't hear it as loudly and it doesn't bother you as much.
Taking coumadin and managing the anticoagulation shouldn't be all that terrible, either. Many of us self-test, and some self-manage. Keeping diet and activities fairly consistent, and regularly monitoring doage and INR are pretty much all it takes to handle the anticoagulation. (Of course, avoiding causes of bruising or cuts would make sense, but coumadin usage doesn't change most people's lives). Also -- with the ongoing work to create a medication that you don't have to monitor effects of - replacing warfarin and probably just becoming a once or twice daily pill - even the issues of INR management may not be as significant a decade or so down the road.

As far as the clicking goes - perhaps you can look at it like my wife does (or did, when it was loud enough that she could REALLY hear it) - when I asked her if it bothered her, she told me that it was a reminder that she's grateful for the people who invented it and the doctor who implanted it. Perhaps you should consider the alternatives. (And a tissue valve, with a high probability that you may need it fixed or replaced in your lifetime, probably wasn't the best choice for you.)

(The clicking may even be a source of unexpected utility. I was at a conference once, and a jerk in the row in front of me kept turning back and scowling in my general direction. I knew what was bugging him, and tried to 'aim' my click in his direction (as if the clicking can be focused by pointing my mouth at him). After a few minutes of this, he turned around and shouted 'who's wearing the cheap watch?' I don't remember if I just let him stew there, or said that it's my heart ticking. It was difficult to hide from my kids because they could hear my ticking through a hollow wooden door. And I once had an old mechanical Mickey Mouse watch -- the ticking made my wife worry that I was having a heart attack. Now, after some years, my ticking is quieter. If you're like I assume most of are, the tick will soften -- and so will your annoyance from it.)

 

[spartangator]

TopMommy,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation but just wanted to echo everyone else's comments about everything getting better with a bit more time. While I can't speak to mechanical valve issues, I can certainly advocate the idea that you are so early into things. Please be patient with your valve and everything else right now, including the rest of you, too. As all the above thoughtful comments show, lots of people are here to support you.

 

[kerri73]

Sorry to hear the clicking is so annoying for you... I've had mine for about 13 years (just switched from a St Jude to an ON-X a couple years ago)... the ON-X is supposed to be quieter, but it really isn't. To be honest, sometimes it's loud and sometimes I don't even notice it... so I'm sure with time you'll get to be the same way. It is funny how people think it's a watch - but only once in my 13 years have I ever had anyone really comment on it (and that was with the new valve, go figure) I really do hope it starts to get better for you though! Hang in there!

 

[Superman]

The clicking may even be a source of unexpected utility. I was at a conference once, and a jerk in the row in front of me kept turning back and scowling in my general direction. I knew what was bugging him, and tried to 'aim' my click in his direction (as if the clicking can be focused by pointing my mouth at him). After a few minutes of this, he turned around and shouted 'who's wearing the cheap watch?' I don't remember if I just let him stew there, or said that it's my heart ticking. It was difficult to hide from my kids because they could hear my ticking through a hollow wooden door. And I once had an old mechanical Mickey Mouse watch -- the ticking made my wife worry that I was having a heart attack. Now, after some years, my ticking is quieter. If you're like I assume most of are, the tick will soften -- and so will your annoyance from it.)

That's hilarious! I would have told him just to see his guilty reaction. Might even discretely show him the scar.

I recall taking a test in college shortly after my first replacement. I think I was about 19 or so and a bit over a year out. The girl behind me tapped my on the back and said, "Are you wearing a really loud watch?" At the time I thought that was funny and I never shied away from sharing my story. But she wasn't being rude about it.

 

[lance]

Hi Topmommy
I guess I'm weird. Early on I could hear the ticking and it didn't bother me at all. In fact I found it soothing when going to sleep. I haven't heard it for years and miss it. I've been told when things settle down and the tissue is healing/healed the sound settles down e.g. you won't be able to hear it.
It's early days for you and I really don't think you'll hear the ticking for very long. You will, however, get healthier, get stronger, be able to do more and enjoy your life.

 

[lance]

Better days are coming ..............

Better days are coming ..............

Hi Topmommy
I guess I'm weird. Early on I could hear the ticking and it didn't bother me at all. In fact I found it soothing when going to sleep. I haven't heard it for years and miss it. I've been told when things settle down and the tissue is healing/healed the sound settles down e.g. you won't be able to hear it.
It's early days for you and I really don't think you'll hear the ticking for very long. You will, however, get healthier, get stronger, be able to do more and enjoy your life.

 

[epstns]

Just a chuckle to lighten things up, but wasn't it Ross who said something like "I don't worry if I hear it. I WILL worry if I hear it stop ticking."

 

[hook]

When I first got mine, I could hear it churping when I would sit at my desk. I can't explain it, but recently I have had to struggle to hear it. It does get better once it gets broke in.

 

[Bina]

Another thing I remember was asking my husband to get rid of all our loud ticking clocks.....my own valve and HR are
now relaxing. Many people put on some low background music to fall asleep.