Mental recovery

[ozo]

Hi, there!

I am 34 years old, have never smoked, have consumed alcohol only in reasonable amounts, have never had any serious health issues or serious excess weight, have no history of heart diseases in my family. A few months ago I was happily living my active life when I noticed that I get tired more easily than I used to, even after light physical activities I had trouble catching my breath. At first, I suspected that I have lost my fitness due to all the C19 related lifestyle changes, but still decided to do some health checks.

And I am glad I did - the ultrasonic screening showed that my aorta root had expanded to 8,8 cm (almost 3,5 inches) and there was a high risk for it to burst. At the same time, my aortic valve was leaky and had to be replaced.

Soon enough, a surgery was scheduled and I had to make an informed decision about the valve type to use. This was the first time I realized the real impact of the surgery on my further life.

I knew that the general recommendation for my age was to choose a mechanical valve, but I could not make that call - I just could not accept the fact that I have suddenly become seriously sick and have to sacrifice something to keep on living. I just wanted a simple solution to get my normal life back - a valve prosthesis that would last, would not require anticoagulation medicine, would not limit me from doing "dangerous" activities, and would not require major surgery in the future. As I learned, such a valve prosthesis, unfortunately, does not exist yet.

I was offered two different valve prosthesis options - St. Jude Medical mechanical valve and Edwards INSPIRIS RESILIA bovine valve. None of the valves was perfect - both valve types had their pros and cons and both choices required some sort of compromise to be made.

Boy, that was a tough decision! In the end, I decided to go with Edwards INSPIRIS RESILIA as I am quite active and it would allow me to live the best years of my life as "normally" as possible. Besides, my valve opening was quite large (29 mm) - it reduced the likelihood of tissue valve SVD and gave me some headroom for future valve-within-valve surgery via TAVI/TAVR if / when it becomes a mainstream thing. It made perfect sense for me when I made the decision, but more and more I am having second thoughts.

I soldiered on with the surgery and made it through without any serious complications - I woke up the next day in ICU and soon was moved to the regular room, my wounds and breast bone healed just fine, I got stronger every day and could get up and walk around after 2 days.

At the moment of writing three weeks have passed after the surgery - I am out of the hospital and recovering at home by doing light exercises and a lot of walking outside. My control checks all showed good results and everything appears to be great. But - I already feel that my mental recovery will be much harder compared to the physical recovery.

I know that I should be grateful that I got my condition diagnosed and am lucky to be alive, but I find it hard to enjoy my life after such a hit. I keep on thinking about why it happened, about my valve choice, possible complications, the future re-operation, and mostly - about the life expectancy after such a surgery. Can one live a long and happy life afterward? How can one have a glass of wine or a cheeseburger without thinking about its influence on health? I understand that this all borders with obsession, but it troubles me so much that I decided to write this all down and ask for some feedback from all of you nice people here.

How do you fight anxiety after the surgery? Any tips to get over it?

PS. Sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker.

 

[dick0236]

Welcome to the Forum. In my case and in many others, from what I have seen and read, the mental "thing" is the most difficult to heal, especially in the young. Modern medical science can do amazing things in fixing heart issues but they fall woefully short in dealing with "life" after a successful surgery. That part will be up to you. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that those "mental" issues plagued me for a long time up until a few years ago when I finally realized that my "long ago" surgery permitted me to become an old man. Forums like this one are out there and I have found them to be super for "real world" information and support. I know it is "corny" but ya gotta figure out a way to make lemonade outa a lemon. Stick around, you can learn much and can add your experience for those who follow you.

 

[pellicle]

Welcome aboard (and where are you from?)

How do you fight anxiety after the surgery? Any tips to get over it?

stop thinking about it ... there really is no other way. I started by knowing that I control my mind not my mind controls me ... if thinking is productive then great, if its a spiral thats hurting you then no matter how much of a habit its become simply put in the metal effort and cease. The longer a ball rolls down hill then the harder it is to stop. Start stopping it now. This has useful tips



on this point:

but more and more I am having second thoughts.

well don't. It would not be the way to have gone if you'd asked me but it quite simply is the way you *have* gone, and nothing changes that now (its tough being informed when the whole thing is new). From what (little) I've seen of your history its possible that something else will drive an operation again. I have had 3 (once as a child, again at 28 and again at 48) and the 3rd operation would have been inevitable no matter what "magic perfect valve" had been put in due to aortic aneurysm. You might have that, you might not have that in your future.

To me the treatment options and recovery options are great compared to say cancer, which has killed (after long suffering) at least 3 of my friends now (and I'm 57 now).

The reality is that despite it being a complex surgery it has excellent outcomes and very low issues.

Some viewpoints: when you have a heart valve disease (valvular heart disease) it is fatal. We (humanity) can manage that through exchanging the diseased valve for a prosthetic valve. There are currently two types

1. tissue prosthesis
2. carbon mechanical prosthesis

the first type is managed by further surgeries, the second by a medication. the first type will fail after an amount of time, driving another sugery. The second will essentially never fail, but you must manage your anticoagulation to minimise the risks.

I for instance self manage and there are tools now available to enable this which were not available at all in 1992 when I had my 2nd OHS. I'm glad they exist now.

We simply don't know what will happen in the future so in my view live for now but plan with an eye to the future.

Best Wishes

 

[pellicle]

PS: as some "levity" I have found that since I was in my 20's Anxiety has gone through the roof in popularity (so to speak), which I find incredulous. I could speculate on the cause but I think this pair of Danish cartoonists nail it:

laugh at life more:

from a Finnish cartoon I like to follow

 

[Meanjellybean]

Hi, there!

I am 34 years old, have never smoked, have consumed alcohol only in reasonable amounts, have never had any serious health issues or serious excess weight, have no history of heart diseases in my family. A few months ago I was happily living my active life when I noticed that I get tired more easily than I used to, even after light physical activities I had trouble catching my breath. At first, I suspected that I have lost my fitness due to all the C19 related lifestyle changes, but still decided to do some health checks.

And I am glad I did - the ultrasonic screening showed that my aorta root had expanded to 8,8 cm (almost 3,5 inches) and there was a high risk for it to burst. At the same time, my aortic valve was leaky and had to be replaced.

Soon enough, a surgery was scheduled and I had to make an informed decision about the valve type to use. This was the first time I realized the real impact of the surgery on my further life.

I knew that the general recommendation for my age was to choose a mechanical valve, but I could not make that call - I just could not accept the fact that I have suddenly become seriously sick and have to sacrifice something to keep on living. I just wanted a simple solution to get my normal life back - a valve prosthesis that would last, would not require anticoagulation medicine, would not limit me from doing "dangerous" activities, and would not require major surgery in the future. As I learned, such a valve prosthesis, unfortunately, does not exist yet.

I was offered two different valve prosthesis options - St. Jude Medical mechanical valve and Edwards INSPIRIS RESILIA bovine valve. None of the valves was perfect - both valve types had their pros and cons and both choices required some sort of compromise to be made.

Boy, that was a tough decision! In the end, I decided to go with Edwards INSPIRIS RESILIA as I am quite active and it would allow me to live the best years of my life as "normally" as possible. Besides, my valve opening was quite large (29 mm) - it reduced the likelihood of tissue valve SVD and gave me some headroom for future valve-within-valve surgery via TAVI/TAVR if / when it becomes a mainstream thing. It made perfect sense for me when I made the decision, but more and more I am having second thoughts.

I soldiered on with the surgery and made it through without any serious complications - I woke up the next day in ICU and soon was moved to the regular room, my wounds and breast bone healed just fine, I got stronger every day and could get up and walk around after 2 days.

At the moment of writing three weeks have passed after the surgery - I am out of the hospital and recovering at home by doing light exercises and a lot of walking outside. My control checks all showed good results and everything appears to be great. But - I already feel that my mental recovery will be much harder compared to the physical recovery.

I know that I should be grateful that I got my condition diagnosed and am lucky to be alive, but I find it hard to enjoy my life after such a hit. I keep on thinking about why it happened, about my valve choice, possible complications, the future re-operation, and mostly - about the life expectancy after such a surgery. Can one live a long and happy life afterward? How can one have a glass of wine or a cheeseburger without thinking about its influence on health? I understand that this all borders with obsession, but it troubles me so much that I decided to write this all down and ask for some feedback from all of you nice people here.

How do you fight anxiety after the surgery? Any tips to get over it?

PS. Sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker.

You have undergone a major surgery which for most people usually comes unexpected with limited time to process it all.. it is normal to have anxiety about things now, you just realised how fragile humans really are but see that from the positive side if you can. Life is more precious and you can enjoy the little moments and appreciate things a whole lot more.. if you are finding that you are having constant anxiety with what I would describe as a mild form of PTSD i would say that is expected for the most of us.

Learn about the vague nerve and how to use breathing techniques to calm yourself down.

The Vagus Nerve - understanding the role of the vague nerve on the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system.

My one advice is to get some awareness (as you have my asking the question) and inform yourself with what is happening with your body and subconscious. Then you will be in a better place to control your emotional response.

The worst thing is to have a overactive fight or flight response because the neural pathway is constantly innervated. Your body is designed to make pathways that it uses frequently and if you get stuck in the anxiety space for many years, it can be very hard to shut it off.. but it is still possible to.

 

[dornole]

Congrats man on still being alive!! 8.8 CM, holy cats. That is insane. You are one lucky dude.

I’m lucky too, I had repair at age 34 myself (extra lucky) and similarly had no idea I had anything wrong with me. I looked at it like, hot damn, I am still alive! Crazy things happened to me, and I totally dodged the bullet, and so did you. Your recovery sounds amazing.

There are all kinds of people on this board who have led long and mostly happy lives. For me it’s been 18 bonus years so far. I think Dick has 53 years. No one gets out of this life alive and we all have struggles during life — but all of us are still here when even a few decades ago we would have been toast. Savor the extra time you have been granted by the skills of so many people.

You will develop wisdom earlier in life thanks to this. I found it helpful to hang around older adults as they showed me how to accept health issues with more equanimity.

By the way your English is flawless, I would never have guessed you were not a native speaker. Just thought you might like to know.

 

[Luckyguy17]

Hi, there!

At the moment of writing three weeks have passed after the surgery - I am out of the hospital and recovering at home by doing light exercises and a lot of walking outside. My control checks all showed good results and everything appears to be great. But - I already feel that my mental recovery will be much harder compared to the physical recovery.


How do you fight anxiety after the surgery? Any tips to get over it?

PS. Sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker.

Welcome to the forum Ozo.

I am also 3 weeks post ohs and i have always felt, that the waiting room pre-op is the worst on mental and optimism, as most of the scheduling is out of our control, admittance, surgery etc.

I have now had surgery twice and both times post surgery, it is progressing as such:

week 1 post op, is a busy week as we have an objective of getting out of the hospital and getting home.
week 2 was a tough one for me, as the energy levels are not there yet, cant lift beyond 5 lbs and contiguous sleep seems impossible and the days just seem long, with too much need to sit.
week 3 for me, provides some optimism, as the energy levels are getting up, sleep is improving and am finally able to do some physical activities, like ride a mower, do some planting and light gardening etc. Some normalcy returns.
and moving forward, in week 4 + regaining driving privileges, more and more rib cage rigidity, means carrying some weight and increasing the chores.
by weeks 8-12, you should be fully recovered physically and should be able to resume much of the activity you had pre-surgery.

now Covid and the fear of, may be throwing us a curve ball at time, as much of the distractions normally available, mall walking, theatre, sporting events, socializing indoors ...still need caution.

So some of that “Mental” hardship that you may be currently experiencing, may be as much covid anxiety related as OHS related.

It has been one really tough 15 months or so and our generation has not previously experienced sacrifice.

You are recovering from both OHS and Covid and that makes for an exceptional time period, to be healing from both.

 

[pellicle]

to @Luckyguy17
thanks for pointing out that C19 was COVID (I had no idea)

At first, I suspected that I have lost my fitness due to all the C19

 

[Superman]

Welcome to the forum! You’re still very close since putting yourself through a physical wringer that few will ever experience. Give it time. Honestly, it can be six months to a year before you really start trusting your body, your new hardware, all that stuff.

As far as choice, living life looking in the rear view mirror is miserable. Count your blessings. They caught it in time (that was a huge aneurysm!), you get a few years (maybe even 15 or more) worry free. No meds, all that. At 50 or so, you may have some decisions again, but you’ll be followed and it won’t be a surprise. Maybe some new options will be available to you. Who knows?

For now, live in the present. Get healthy. Enjoy life. Does my profile pic tell you I’m missing out because of my valve? And mine is mechanical. I’ve been ticking for over 30 years and I’m still in my 40’s. I plan on ticking for a long long time yet.

 

[carolinemc]

Hi, there!

I am 34 years old, have never smoked, have consumed alcohol only in reasonable amounts, have never had any serious health issues or serious excess weight, have no history of heart diseases in my family. A few months ago I was happily living my active life when I noticed that I get tired more easily than I used to, even after light physical activities I had trouble catching my breath. At first, I suspected that I have lost my fitness due to all the C19 related lifestyle changes, but still decided to do some health checks.

And I am glad I did - the ultrasonic screening showed that my aorta root had expanded to 8,8 cm (almost 3,5 inches) and there was a high risk for it to burst. At the same time, my aortic valve was leaky and had to be replaced.

Soon enough, a surgery was scheduled and I had to make an informed decision about the valve type to use. This was the first time I realized the real impact of the surgery on my further life.

I knew that the general recommendation for my age was to choose a mechanical valve, but I could not make that call - I just could not accept the fact that I have suddenly become seriously sick and have to sacrifice something to keep on living. I just wanted a simple solution to get my normal life back - a valve prosthesis that would last, would not require anticoagulation medicine, would not limit me from doing "dangerous" activities, and would not require major surgery in the future. As I learned, such a valve prosthesis, unfortunately, does not exist yet.

I was offered two different valve prosthesis options - St. Jude Medical mechanical valve and Edwards INSPIRIS RESILIA bovine valve. None of the valves was perfect - both valve types had their pros and cons and both choices required some sort of compromise to be made.

Boy, that was a tough decision! In the end, I decided to go with Edwards INSPIRIS RESILIA as I am quite active and it would allow me to live the best years of my life as "normally" as possible. Besides, my valve opening was quite large (29 mm) - it reduced the likelihood of tissue valve SVD and gave me some headroom for future valve-within-valve surgery via TAVI/TAVR if / when it becomes a mainstream thing. It made perfect sense for me when I made the decision, but more and more I am having second thoughts.

I soldiered on with the surgery and made it through without any serious complications - I woke up the next day in ICU and soon was moved to the regular room, my wounds and breast bone healed just fine, I got stronger every day and could get up and walk around after 2 days.

At the moment of writing three weeks have passed after the surgery - I am out of the hospital and recovering at home by doing light exercises and a lot of walking outside. My control checks all showed good results and everything appears to be great. But - I already feel that my mental recovery will be much harder compared to the physical recovery.

I know that I should be grateful that I got my condition diagnosed and am lucky to be alive, but I find it hard to enjoy my life after such a hit. I keep on thinking about why it happened, about my valve choice, possible complications, the future re-operation, and mostly - about the life expectancy after such a surgery. Can one live a long and happy life afterward? How can one have a glass of wine or a cheeseburger without thinking about its influence on health? I understand that this all borders with obsession, but it troubles me so much that I decided to write this all down and ask for some feedback from all of you nice people here.

How do you fight anxiety after the surgery? Any tips to get over it?

PS. Sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker.

I have seen from this place, many men have the mental problems after OPH than women. Due to the fact that some men are in the macho man concept that having a heart issue makes then weak and unmanly and have difficult time dealing with the heart issues. It is not unusual for the man to go get therapy help to deal with the afterward of OPH. You need professional help to learn to deal with any changes you are going through and to deal with dealing with heart problems in general. Good luck and seek professional help, you will be glad you did.

 

[dornole]

Here are a couple practical tips for breaking free of rumination from Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness It, the book I am currently reading, by Ethan Kross. Get DISTANCE from your thoughts by the following:

--Imagine yourself 10 years from now, will this probably all be in the rear view mirror
--Imagine this happened to a friend, what would you say to them
--Address yourself by name, using "you" or "he" pronouns as you are thinking through things to break free of rumination (this is my favorite and there is great research in the book supporting it)
--Do the same thing writing to yourself using "you" or "he" to work through stuck thought patterns
--Put your hand over your heart, repeat a mantra of your choice like "you are safe, you are healed" to yourself and tune in to how those thoughts feel in your physical body, keep reinforcing, strengthening and spreading that physical sensation. I like to do this while driving, now when I get in the car I feel awesome right away.

Pretty much anything you choose do in terms of therapy, reading books, talking to others, journaling has the potential to help you break free from your thought spirals, practicing is key. I'm happy to suggest more books that I have found helpful.

Hugs man

 

[cldlhd]

I have seen from this place, many men have the mental problems after OPH than women. Due to the fact that some men are in the macho man concept that having a heart issue makes then weak and unmanly and have difficult time dealing with the heart issues. It is not unusual for the man to go get therapy help to deal with the afterward of OPH. You need professional help to learn to deal with any changes you are going through and to deal with dealing with heart problems in general. Good luck and seek professional help, you will be glad you did.

I'm not sure describing it as a macho man concept is necessarily accurate with all men in this situation. I mean women experience it also so it must be something else. I just pointed out because I think that's comes across as a negative term. I had trouble dealing with it as a man but it wasn't really a macho thing it was more of a brush with mortality thing. Although I'm not going to lie as a pretty physically active guy I was very used to being able to do physical things and fortunately I am still able to do so, if I could it would be difficult for me at least at first. But I don't think doing things like working on your house or other things that require physical strength is necessarily tied in with being macho.

 

[dornole]

I think it might relate to self concept. Though I’m not particularly athletic I always thought of myself as a “sturdy girl” and the idea that I had health issues did require some mental reframing.

 

[Lynn]

Ozo, I will 8 weeks post surgery and 7 weeks post pacemaker tomorrow, and I get where you are coming from, you aren’t alone in these feelings. I have had similar feelings in the last few weeks. I have healed well, but did have the major complication of needing a permanent pacemaker which has actually become the focus of my anxiety. Don’t ask me why, I think if I hadn’t had the pacemaker I would have found something to else to worry about lol. As one of my health care providers pointed out, this is a grieving process. Many of us are grieving the person we were and coming to accept the person we are now.

I’m a older than you and have had to deal with grief in my life so i have been here before. Part of the grieving process , if you have never gone through it can be that we loss our “false sense of security” that is often part of being young and healthy. It faces us to confront, (often at a younger age than we might want) the reality that we are not ”bullet proof”and we too will get sick, get old and one day die. Or that we will lose someone we love. I say it’s a false sense of security, because the reality is none nof us are every bullet proof, anything could happen to us at any time. An illness, an accident...and some day it will happen to all of us.

I think it’s great that you reached out, because I strongly believe ignoring this is not the answer. The answer, I believe is to keep searching until you find the Tool or tools that will help you come to terms with this. Maybe it’s talking to a friend, a a mental health professional, maybe meditation, maybe its a book as has been recommended here, maybe it’s hearing the stories of rich wonderful lives people on this forum have lived post surgery. For me, it is all of these things.

I also spend time reminding myself daily that: 1. I am very lucky to live in a time when medical science can give me this second chance, 2. That we are all at risk all the time (heart surgery or not) that is an inherent truth of being human, and because I get great medical care I am likely at little more risk than anyone else, 3. I remind myself daily, that I can’t now (nor could i ever) control the future, so worrying about it does nothing but get in my way of living a full life today. 4. I make a plan in my mind to deal with my ”worst case scenario” and then I let it go 5. I choose happiness for today. Sometimes it is just one day at a time. I give myself permission to let go of my fear just for today. And then tomorrow I give myself permission again. 6. I read material that aids in my recovery (the positive stories on a board like this) a book, like “Happiness is A State of Mind “ is what i am reading now. 7. I practice brief meditation to help me learn to control my breathing and my thoughts.

I don’t know if any of these ideas will help you, if they don’t I hope you keep searching until you find what does help. What ever it is, I think when you find it you will know It pretty quickly. Wishing you all the best.

 

[dornole]

Yes, mortality. Having teens and young adults all around me, they are constantly saying “I’m going to DIE!” due to strong emotions. I always say “Well yeah but hopefully not today.” Perspective helps.

 

[KatherineA]

For me the physical part of the surgery was way easier than the mental recovery. I had no idea about what to expect in the emotional way and felt so crazy for feeling so sad and angry when I thought I “should” feel happy and grateful.

I had been in grief counseling just before surgery because of my brother’s death. After about 4 weeks of the post surgery blues, My grief counselor made space to seeme 2-3 additional times. Then through her I found another therapist for the what I called surgery Emotional junk. But it was a long process for me.

I finally was able to come to terms and peace with it with meditation and yoga and finally working with a strength trainer for a month so I could increase or do certain other cardio and strength things again. It did take me a little over a year though to do all that interior mind work.

As said above. One thing or coping mechanism does not work for all. It took some bouncing around or several things for me to find my groove again

Keep at it and keep trying what feels good to you

 

[Lynn]

Katherine, I can relate to what you went through. I recognized my “blues” as a form or grief, as the anxiety I felt was similar to what I felt many years ago when I lost my brother. Recognizing what was happening helped me to address it quickly and I had some Previously learned skills to fall back on. (Though of course it is still a work in progress, one day at a time)

I also agree with your comments on exercise, yoga and of course meditation. Moving everyday is crucial to my mental well being and stress management. What works for the mental stuff is different for everyone, but whatever it is, it’s so worth the effort to keep trying things until you find your grove. Thanks for sharing your story. Wishing you and Ozo the best.

 

[Freebird]

I had my surgery last August and for me the mental part has been the toughest. Meditation has helped me greatly but it is a work in progress, or, as they say, a practice.
I think the words that keep coming to my mind is that I’m constantly thinking that something’s wrong. I attribute this to the fact that I never had any symptoms and my diagnosis was a huge surprise. Being asymptomatic allowed me to avoid the surgery for a few years but I think that actually is what contributed to the mental construct that “things seem fine, but something is wrong.”
I’m more than grateful that I had an objectively great recovery physically. I do sense that my mental state continues to improve as I think my brain is getting more adapted to verifying that in fact there is now nothing wrong. I often mentally say that to myself. Nothing’s wrong.
It is all a mental construct and the more I practice gratitude, meditation and mindfulness (living in this moment, as opposed to the past and the future) the healthier I become.

 

[KatherineA]

I had my surgery last August and for me the mental part has been the toughest. Meditation has helped me greatly but it is a work in progress, or, as they say, a practice.
I think the words that keep coming to my mind is that I’m constantly thinking that something’s wrong. I attribute this to the fact that I never had any symptoms and my diagnosis was a huge surprise. Being asymptomatic allowed me to avoid the surgery for a few years but I think that actually is what contributed to the mental construct that “things seem fine, but something is wrong.”
I’m more than grateful that I had an objectively great recovery physically. I do sense that my mental state continues to improve as I think my brain is getting more adapted to verifying that in fact there is now nothing wrong. I often mentally say that to myself. Nothing’s wrong.
It is all a mental construct and the more I practice gratitude, meditation and mindfulness (living in this moment, as opposed to the past and the future) the healthier I become.

Oh Yes! This exactly! Thank you so much. I too started using an affirmation, I am healthy, I am Safe, I am loved when I feel that “something is wrong”. I too had zero symptoms until the valve was so calcified it was ridiculous I was walking around.

I think that is part of that unease with trusting myself and body again.

 

[Lynn]

”nothings wrong”, that is a spot on affirmation Freebird. Thanks for sharing