Meeting the Challenges of Solo Aging

[newarrior]

Anyone else facing this challenge ?
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/yoho-t...aging-tickets-152157522245?internal_ref=login
Loneliness, depression, other health issues, being alone, cardiac issues go hand and hand and feed off eachother.

This should have been in another category

I put in pre op because I have not had surgery yet but am wondering who will take care of me post op and into old age and deatt

I have lived alone since 2000

I've never had a wife, kids, partner or even live with anyone other than the family I grew up with

My family is all dead except a sick brother who is 8000 miles away

Depression and being lonely cause inflammation and damage the heart.

I'll ask again: Anyone here lonely ? Alone ? Live alone ? Unable to count on a single person to assist in regards to operations or health ?

Anyone else here going into or in old age alone ?

 

[rich01]

Living alone is not a big deal if you can stay relatively healthy. If you need a lot of social interaction, then make friends or join groups. I plan on moving to a condo or townhouse in the next couple of years and then being prepared to have to move to an assisted living home or community or worse.

Even married people have to face life after a spouse dies. My father played the victim after my mother died and it drove people away. No one should expect their children or other family members to take care of you. If they do, that is a blessing.

The best thing one can do is to create a lifestyle that is as self-sustaining and pleasurable as possible. That will be different for everyone. For example, I don't need a lot of social interaction, so posting on a few websites, occasionally talking to my neighbors, or just going shopping are enough for me. Others would probably find that depressing for them. My favorite hobby is thinking, so videos and books are my companions.

Figure out what would make you satisfied (not necessarily happy because happiness just happens), and then build your life to support it. At 72, I am selling my house and doing some traveling/camping in my little fiberglass trailer. I am also starting a business I can work on from the road. Sometime in the next year, I will probably buy a new house somewhere near the gulf coast.

I enjoy making simple furniture, so I will make a lot of the furniture for my new home. I also love having a convertible, so I will sell the trailer and buy a convertible. Do what brings you pleasure, because time is quickly running out.

You are obsessed over something you have no control over. There is every likelihood that at some point in the future, you will have to have your aortic valve replaced. Trying to decide what you are going to do 3 or 5 or even 10 years from now is foolish. You don't know what your complete diagnosis will be and you don't know what the available technology will be. Come up with a dollar amount, make sure you will have the money available, and get on with living. Everything works out in the long run regardless of how many hours you waste worrying about it.

A story that may or may not be true. One of the developers of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Richard Bandler tells this story. I took a class from him and he told the story personally.

He was called in to work with a patient who thought he was Jesus. Bandler interviewed Jesus and the guy stuck to his story. Bandler came up with a plan. He brought some wood, nails, a saw, and a hammer into the clinic right next to Jesus's room. He started making a racket as he cut boards and starting hammering them together. Jesus just watched him and didn't say anything.

After several hours, Jesus finally asked Bandler what he was doing. Bandler replied, "Passover is in 3 days. I have to hurry and have this cross ready for your crucifixion by then".

Jesus went back into his room. About 15 minutes later he comes out and calls Bandler over to him. He whispers in his ear, "I'm not really Jesus. I just like all the attention I get when I pretend to be Jesus".

 

[cldlhd]

It's funny when I was younger I lived alone up until around the age of 35 and was always perfectly happy. Of course then there was an active social life, not that I don't have the social life now, but now I just turned 52 and I'm married with a 14-year-old son and this year for the first time I actually had some anxiety and depression regarding the possible future alone. I had heart surgery 6 years ago and I was successful and maybe I'll never need it again but I guess seeing my grandfather have a stroke and needing care up until the end got the mind going. I'm really close with my son and my wife and I, as far as I know, have no plans of splitting up but you never know which is what got me thinking. Thoughts like " What if she passes away before me or we get divorced and my son ends up living on the other side of the country or maybe He decides he wants nothing to do with me ( which happens apparently) and I end up alone in my old age?" But I realized that these aren't helpful thoughts and somebody's things you had no control over and worrying about them makes it worse. Logically there is no point in ruining today worrying about tomorrow although I understand that doesn't always stop you from doing so. Sometimes I wonder if never having a family of your own could be an advantage because after having one and enjoying things like the holidays or just day-to-day life together makes the house feel a lot emptier when nobody else is home. Other than my wife and son all I have my mother and grandmother who obviously are unlikely to be around in my old age and certainly wouldn't be able to take care of me ( one is 73 and the other 93) and I have a brother who I was never really close with. They all live on the other side of the country as well. I don't know if you have someone you can talk to about it but it could help and it's not too late to find somebody to be with if that is something that interests you but if you find your mind worrying about it too much it's good to find distractions like hobbies and interests. Best wishes

 

[newarrior]

Loneliness, depression, other health issues, being alone, cardiac issues go hand and hand and feed off eachother.

I don't even have a person to drive me home post op

I have lived alone since 2000

I've never had a wife, kids, partner or even live with anyone other than the family I grew up with

My family is all dead

Depression and being lonely cause inflammation and damage the heart.

I'll ask again: Anyone here lonely ? Alone ? Live alone ? Unable to count on a single person to assist in regards to operations or health ?

Anyone else here going into or in old age alone ?

 

[newarrior]

I also want to add that I have personally been working on myself, creating friendships, social circles, etc etc.. Pre pandemic I was involved (and am in some of these groups now) animal rescue, vegan, Buddhist, board games, language exchange, etc etc groups

 

[newarrior]

When I had an Angiogram in 2013 in Los Angeles and endoscopies in 2010 and 2018 I had trouble getting a left home; I don't even know how I'd get home post surgery

 

[newarrior]

I have no family and welcome .I will skip AVR and let the disease take me and take it's natural course..