Maybe I'm going crazy...

[Gnusgal]

I've been feeling worse and worse over the last month (since being told about transplant in 5 years). But I can't tell if it's really new symptoms or if I'm creating them in my head. Also, I've had a head cold for almost three weeks now, so maybe it's just that? My principal sent me home yesterday because I called the nurse to come take my blood pressure because I was having chest pains. I am staying home again today. I'm going in to see the ACHD specialist at 3:15 today and I'm going to try to get in to see my GP if at all possible as well. I'm tired of feeling tired. I'm letting down my students big time and I the worst part is I can't figure out if my symptoms are truly heart related or just psychological. I pray I'll get some answers today when I see the docs, but my worst fear is that I'll still know nothing more than I know right now. Part of me wants them to be able to say "It's all in your head. Just ignore these phantom symptoms and get on with your life" so that I can do just that. It seems like I shouldn't be getting this bad this fast. Surely it should be more gradual, right? It just isn't fair...

Anyway, I'm babbling now. I just wanted to sort of update you all on how I was doing. I'll try to let you know how the doctor appt. goes when I get back (assuming I don't get put into the hospital for some reason).

 

[Karlynn]

Niki, I'm keeping you close in prayer. Hope you get the answers you seek.

 

[fyrfytr]

Hey Niki,
I am sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well. I hope your Dr's. find out what is going on and can take care of it for you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take Care

 

[Nancy]

Niki-

You are always in my thoughts and prayers. You've been through so much, it's understandable how difficult it would be to try to figure out what is a medical problem that needs immediate attention, and what can slide a little.

I guess you will have to rely on the scientific types (medical people) and additional testing to find out just what is going on.

Joe is also very complicated, and hard to figure out sometimes, but he's not nearly as complicated as your medical situation.

Wishing you all the best, and hoping that it is just a little adjustment here and there that will help.

 

[bvdr]

Niki, you are in my prayers also. My heart really goes out to you because you are in such an uncertain period of your life. I hope you do get some answers today and that they are ones that really address your concerns. Please let us know what you find out,OK?

 

[Glenda]

Niki, bless your heart, you have been through so much. Hugs and prayers are coming your way.

 

[Harrybaby666]

Morning Niki!!!!

Morning Niki!!!!

Just wanted you to know that I have pretty much feeling the same way as you are...I am sending you tons and tons of hugs and I hope you will be feeling better ASAP!! Harrybaby666

 

[gijanet]

Oh, Niki............

Oh, Niki............

I just PMed you. I am anxiously awaiting your update. I am hoping and praying hard that you get some good news or answers. I'm too ignorant to guess as to what those could be, but figure God will know what I mean. Sending love and many hugs.

 

[Harpoon]

Hey Niki. I've got a lot of personal experience on what you're going through right now...

See what the doctors say, but my instincts say it's not in your head. I felt terrible in the months heading up to my surgery. All the same symptoms you described but yet I was still up and running a month before surgery. I kept pushing myself harder than I probably should have been. At some point there really should be someone or something that steps in and says, "You need to stop everyhting and just rest!" because it never really came for me until about a week or two before surgery.

Even then, I was still being pestered to do laundry and cook and stuff...

The best judge of what your heart and body can handle right now is YOUR HEART AND BODY and you should be listening very carefully.

I might add that you'd be doing your students a better service if, when you knew the time was right for you, you stood back and said you needed a susbstitute to fill in for you until your surgery was over and you were back on your feet. It's still kinda early in the year. If you were out for two months you'd be back in time for the new year, a new semester with a fresh start.


WHatever you choose to do, it should be YOUR CHOICE and it should be based on how you feel, how much you feel like you can handle. There isn't any set timetable for when people stop working before surgery. Some take off only days before VR, some may have already been on medical leave for months.

Do what you feel is best for you.


And of course, we're always here. =)

 

[Gnusgal]

But, Harpoon, I've already had my surgery (two years ago) and I don't get any more... Not until I'm ready for transplant...

But that's neither here nor there. I'm here to update you on how my doctor's appt. went.

The verdict is in... I am not crazy after all! As it turns out, the ACHD specialist has seen three other patients THIS WEEK with the same exact symptoms that I was describing (chest pain along with having a head cold). Which leads her to believe it is a virus. So I am on antibiotics and she also has me taking Pepcid (thinking the chest pain might be esophogeal), and I am staying home from school again tomorrow. She expects me to feel better by the end of the weekend, but if I'm not she will have me come in on Monday and do a stress test (not like the one I had a month ago) to find out if there is any restricted blood flow to my heart. She strongly feels that it is a virus, though, and I will be feeling better soon. I feel so much better having some sort of explaination for it other than my overactive imagination.

I also talked to her about how bad I've been feeling lately. She says that she thinks that as we get my vasotec adjusted I will feel better, and also as I get over the shock of all this news that I've had heaped on me (transplant), that I won't dwell on all the little things quite so much. I told her I was wondering if it was time to cut back to part time and she said "Don't do that. Wait until you're in a better state of mind and not reacting emotionally." I think it was good advice. She's a good doctor. I'm glad I went in today.

Thanks for all the encouraging words today. You are all such wonderful people and I really appreciate having you in my life.

 

[catwoman]

Niki:

If it is a virus, that's preferable to anything cardiac-related at this point. Hope the virus exhausts itself pretty quickly!

 

[Abbanabba]

Hey Niki, sorry to hear you've been feeling so bad of late, but it sounds like your trip to the cardio was "promising". I really hope it's nothing more than a virus and the antibiotics kick in quickly and you're feeling better again soon. It sounds like it's been a case of really bad timing hitting you just after your news and it's only natural to wonder if you're making things up in your head or not (..believe me, I go down this path more times than I care to admit..).

Get yourself lots of rest and work on getting well again.

Best wishes
Anna : )

 

[Harpoon]

OOPS!!! Sorry, silly me.


Can I use the "blonde moment" excuse or should I just mail you a batch of garlic soup???

 

[gijanet]

Yes!!! Never thought I could be so grateful..........

Yes!!! Never thought I could be so grateful..........

for someone having a bug, but I am truly hoping and praying that this is the problem. I am really liking the sounds of your doc more and more, too. Well, you take care of yourself and rest up for Saturday night. I am so excited that I finally get to meet you in person! Many hugs and prayers.

 

[Gnusgal]

Anna, yes, I'm glad I went to the card. It has eased my mind quite a bit. My regular cardiologist (the one I went to yesterday is the specialist that my regular one brought in to help last month) also talked with me last night and told me that I needed to stop thinking that every symptom I have is related to my heart. I do have other body parts... (She and I have the type of relationship where she can tease me like that without a problem. When a doc asks you to page her at 9 pm so that she can talk to you about the appt. you had with another doc, you KNOW you've found a good one. ) Hopefully I'll be feeling better soon and won't have anything I can even imagine is my heart gone haywire for quite some time!

Harpoon, not a problem. There are a lot of people on VR.com, so it's natural to forget what stage most of us are currently at. I appreciate your encouragement anyway.

Janet, I agree. I never thought I'd be so releived to be told I had a virus, either. I'm also very glad I didn't just keep pushing myself and telling myself it was all in my head and keep going to work. Yesterday I was starting to feel less worn out, but this morning I'm whiped. I guess the full afternoon/evening (went and got my flu shot and out to dinner with my mother-in-law, who went with me to the doc appts., after the doctor appt.) sapped all the energy out of me. I am glad the doc convinced me to stay home another day from school. I woke up at 7, was up for about 30 minutes, then crashed again for 2 hours. I'm awake now, but feel like jello. Hopefully I'll feel better as the day progresses and the meds start working.

 

[KimC]

Niki,

You've been in my thoughts and prayers, too.

You never have to discount or downplay your feelings in this forum (or anywhere else)! You're adjusting! And when you've got a virus on top of it all, you can really start to feel like you're falling apart. I know, I've been there.

You'll pull through. You're strong. You've been through so many drills ... your resilience is an inspiration, and your concerns are understood.

When I start to feel anxious, I meditate on a beautiful image or memory, play music or goof around with my kids.

I was at a fundraiser for my daughter's school tonight, laughing and enjoying myself. To my surprise, one of my doctors showed up at the event. When he saw me, he came over and asked how I was doing, then said I should not drink alcohol on the medications I'm taking. I wasn't, but his words came as a slap on the face. I know he meant well, but it broke the carefree moment. For the remainder of the night, I felt haunted by his words, and had to refocus my thoughts a few times.

Heart disease is a battle of the mind, body ... (and soul ultimately).

Blessings,

 

[catwoman]

Niki:

You looked great Saturday night -- hope you felt fine the rest of the weekend.

Kim:

You must have felt like "Big Brother" was looking over your shoulder, what with one of your doctors at the same event. Egads!