Mara, don't read this.........

[hensylee]

Since we are all medically related, listen to this:

Something to think about!

a. The number of physicians in the US is 700,000.

b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year is 120,000.

c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. (US Dept. of Health &Human Services)

Then think about this:

a. The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000 (yes, eighty million!).

b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500.

c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188.

Statistically, then, doctors are about 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

FACT:

NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS A DOCTOR.

Alert your friends to this threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.

(As a public health measure, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers, for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical attention.)

 

[Ross]

Ya know, I almost posted this but I feared being beaten to death by members. Lets see how it goes down for you.

 

[ccrawford]

The devil gave St Pete a phone call just to chat and to advise him that he had recently gotten a doctor in Hell. The devil described how nice it was to have a doctor and the various positive tasks that the doctor had perfomed during his stay. "So many of out people were suffering, but now they are quite peaceful - I'm so glad we now have a doctor". St Pete was aghast. He said "That doctor was not supposed to go to Hell, he was scheduled to come through the Pearly Gates. The Devil replied " Tooo Bad St Pete, I got him, and you lose" St Pete replied " You leave me no recourse, I am forced to file suit. " The Devil laughed and said. "Where you gonna find a lawyer ?"

 

[LUVMyBirman]

Could not resist opening this thread. It's just like
"don't open until Christmas", LOL

Hensylee, hope you are feeling better. Drop me a note when you have a moment.

 

[JimL]

"A town that gets a new doctor should open up a new cemetery." That advice goes back centuries.

 

[Les]

"What's the difference between God and a Cardiologist?"
God doesn't think he's a Cardiologist.
______________________
Les AVR '93 / '95

 

[Mara]

I could not resist, Ann
So I read it. See what you have made me do.

I sense a lawsuit coming on....only I'd be representing the doctor and not the dead guy's family.

Please post the stats on lawyers. I need some good jokes to take to the next litigation section meeting.

Chris Crawford- I loved that joke, it's one of my favorites.
Where in Indiana do you live?


Here is another good lawyer joke:

A man dies and goes to hell. As his appointed demon is walking him to the place where he will spend eternity, he sees his lawyer in a lavishly decorated bedroom, with satin sheets, mirrored ceiling, champagne on ice. The lawyer is making passionate love to a beautiful woman.
The demon stops and opens the door to a room opposite the one with the man's lawyer and the beautiful woman. The man's room has a bed of nails and a torture rack. "Well, here you are, sir" the demon says.
"Wait!" screams the man. "That's my old lawyer across the hall and he is in there with that beautiful woman having great sex, and I get stuck in here with a bed of nails and the rack. Why? My lawyer was shyster and a cheat in life. He caused nothing but heartache and misery. Why does he get such first class treatment?"
The demon replies: "My dear sir, who are you to question that woman's punsihment."

 

[ccrawford]

Mara - We still have a house in Indpls, but spend most of the time at our farm near Coal City (southwest of Spencer).

 

[Mara]

Chris
Would you believe that I know where Coal City is? I do, right there in Owen County. I have friend from high school who lives in Linton now, her husband is a lawyer there.

 

[ccrawford]

Mara - You're a unique individual. We have people who live in Coal City who don't know where it it ?

 

[hensylee]

Here it is, Mara:

A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. . . no."

" - or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted,"

" - or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"

 

[Mara]

Ooh it's so true, so true. Thankfully, I know very few lawyers like that. All the lawyers i know don't make nearly that much money.

 

[ccrawford]

Another one for Mara - PETA recently petitioned the FDA trying to prevent rats from being used in laboratories. In their unusual petition, they proposed substituting lawyers because: There are more of them, they'll do things that rats won't do, and people don't get attached to them.

 

[Peggy in Alaska]

ccrawford:


I'm waving my finger at you and shaking my head! I've been happily married to a lawyer for 28 years now and am very attached to him...

 

[Mara]

Chris-
I have to agree with that one, too. I have two pet rats and they are among the best pets I have ever had. I hate to think of my two being lab rats. The are cute and friendly and just like little dogs.

Lawers can take much more abuse, plus lawyers will do anything for money.

And of course you know that the rest why New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps and California has the most lawyers is because New Jersey had first choice.

 

[Granbonny]

Love it

Love it

My age 11 year old Grandson who entered 6th grade this morning has finally said. He wants to be a lawyer. go to University of Georgia .then Law School..so I can make a lot of money... Chris. I was born so far back into the piney woods of Alabama ..that you have to be born there to get there bonnie

 

[Nancy]

3 lawyers in my family, my father, my uncle and a cousin (all gone to lawyer Heaven), my daughter is a paralegal, plus my grandson also (Bonnie) wants to be a lawyer, or a heart surgeon.

He can talk the tin ear off a mountain goat. Great for opening and closing statements.

I guess you could say the legal muse runs strong in the family.

 

[Granbonny]

Nancy

Nancy

Would that be your age 11 year old grandson? Like mine. He will stand and argue his rights until the cows come home Also, a very picky dresser..everything has to match. I thought this morning I had it made. school requires uniforms. Only red, white or Navy shirts. and beige or navy pants. Swapped around 3 times. Finally decided all navy. Also..loves fancy jewelry. only silver... Don't you just love them. He makes my world go around. Bonnie

 

[Ross]

Another one for Mara - PETA recently petitioned the FDA trying to prevent rats from being used in laboratories. In their unusual petition, they proposed substituting lawyers because: There are more of them, they'll do things that rats won't do, and people don't get attached to them.

 

[Granbonny]

Ross

Ross

For gosh sake, put on a bra. Bonnie