Is there anything I can do to help my wife through this? (any ideas for presents?)

[DavidC]

I've been thinking about my wife. I know this time will be hard on her. I've tried to do a few things like helping find people that could take the kids off her hands and someone that can stay while she's helping me recover but is there anything you could recommend to make this easier for her?

Any Christmas present ideas or the like? I got her a few things on her list but can't help thinking there's something thoughtful and useful I could get.

I want to see if I can arrange for her to have a least a good afternoon away or two while someone else helps me around.

I wrote her some letters already and was thinking about making a short video clip for each day (shot pre-surgery). Not to be too melodramatic or anything but some light/fun message.

Any ideas?

Thanks,
DavidC

 

[Kay]

David,

I have a feeling your wife knows very well what a special husband she has. For your concerns to be about her and the twins more than on what you are facing speaks volumes about what kind of husband and father you are. What you have done with the letters, videos and special gifts I suspect will touch her heart enormously. What you've done already are the things she will treasure forever...more than any gift or afternoon out!

On a practical side, does she have a support team with her at the hospital while you're in surgery? And arrangements for the twins so that she doesn't have to worry about getting home or changing shifts or anything at all kids-related? It would be wonderful for you to print out the posts you've made and the replies you've received for her to read in the waiting room. Those will warm her heart over and over! Do you have someone who can post for you as soon as you're out of surgery? I can do that as can any number of people on the forum. If you need help posting, one of us will get our phone numbers to you so that your wife can call. Most hospitals have cyberlounges open 24/7 where she could post if she wanted to. But if not, let us know. We'll be happy to!

As far as all your fears you're facing in a month's time, maybe you can just have one quick bad dream about the turbulent helicpoter ride and clear the slate completely! Talk about starting the new year off right -- a happy new heart and all the fears of your lifetime conquered and behind you! Happy 2005!

You're going to do super. All the caring and planning that you're putting into your surgery preparation shows me that your heart and mind are in the right place. With your great attitude, the loving support of your family, and the multitudes of prayers from all over the world, you've got it made. Go to sleep praising God and wake up praising Him and it will be over before you know it -- and most likely not nearly as difficult or scary as you expect.

Enjoy time with your precious family and keep doing what you're doing -- focusing on what's really important.

God bless you,

Kay

 

[JimL]

If you want to help her through the rough times while you're having surgery, try not to communicate the message that you might not make it through the surgery. We know that's a possibility going into any serious surgery, so we make our preparations, but it's not where you want the thoughts to be drawn back to again and again. Instead, communicate to her the message that you're going to make it through. How about gifts that you plan to complete with her on the other side of surgery.

 

[Mb]

Well....on the more practical side....

I found, as the wife of a dual valve replacement patient, I had loads of support, etc. from family and friends, through the ordeal. I had a harder time, when we came home from the hospital. For some reason, this is when it hit me. I couldn't go to the grocery store, without worrying about what might happen while I was gone (for about two weeks.). I was a bit numb. Now, I wish I had taken up some folks on their offers to help. Making a dinner was big for me....and I am a fairly decent cook, and do it with my eyes closed. But, had a few friends brought over a dinner or two, for about two weeks, it would have been great. So, my suggestion might be a couple of gift certificates for restaurants in your area that "do" take out, so that when you come home, she doesn't feel quilty about not cooking or spending the extra money. A couple of really good books to read, while you are recovering in the hospital.....takes up the time at the hjospital while you are napping. Tape ten or so movies to watch when you come home from the hospital, that you can relax and watch together. She is not going to want to leave your side for at least a week after you get home, so spending that time together with you will be important for her. Those are my ideas....best wishes on your surgery. Marybety

 

[Nancy]

Having waited in the waiting room during many heart and lung surgeries while Joe was getting "fixed" up, I have an idea that you might like to do for your wife.

How about a little waiting room gift bag for her. These are things I either actually needed or used while waiting to hear how things were going. She will probably be very nervous the day of your surgery.

A nice little canvas or other carry bag with handles-something sturdy that can be laundered.
Crossword puzzle book or other thing that could help to pass the time
Prepaid calling card so she could call whomever she needed
Roll of quarters for vending machines
Pkg. of Altoids or other strong mints (mouth can get dry when you are nervous)
Small bottle of mouthwash
Immodium (I was glad I had that!)
Small pkg. of Tums
Aspirin, Advil or other headache remedy
Some hard candies
A neck roll pillow, like those used for traveling
A small throw, nerves can make you cold
A pad and pencil
A list of important phone numbers
Pkg. of hand wipes or baby wipes
Small bottle of Purell
Small pkg. of Kleenex
Travel size hand lotion
Lip balm
And maybe a cute little present just for her

What a thoughtful husband you are!

 

[tobagotwo]

Lots of great ideas here, but I vote for JimL's as the best of all: gifts that you can complete after you come home.

This is a very big thing that you're going through. We surely know that. However, it is shockingly but a moment in time in your life, and it goes very fast. Preparation for it helps, but it's much like a school exam: it is a few intense hours, your grade is posted, and God willing, you move forward with one more life success in your pocket. Your future will no longer hinge upon it. I vote give it no say in your holiday happiness.

Celebrate the present with her, and give her plans for the future.

Best wishes,

 

[KathyH]

I agree with Pam! A good friend of mine sent me to the Spa for a facial. She thought a massage might be too much for me right after surgery. I really wasn't too hot on the idea until after the fact. I was shocked at how relaxed it made me feel.
Kathy H

 

[Granbonny]

Xmas present? does she have a long necklace..If so, so to jewelry store and buy her a heart to go on it..My family gave me one after my surgery..Round, little heart, with diamonds, gold, ect. Not too expensive...Maybe $100.00... If she does not have a nice long, gold necklace. May have to buy her that, too. Now, you are talking maybe $300.00 ......I love mine and wear it everyday..Bonnie

 

[Gemma]

Hi David,

To be frank - you're going to be the only present your wife wants .

Nancy's list is a brilliant one - several things I wish I'd thought of taking with me on there - especially the pad and pen, as Jim tried to ask me what day it was while still on the ventilator, and I had no way of knowing what he was asking (incidentally, he doesn't remember me being there before the breathing tube was removed so please don't worry about that). If you fancy having your photo taken in the hospital (some do) slip in a disposable camera as well. Maybe a small travel jigsaw or something too.

A spa day/afternoon is also an excellent suggestion - maybe a back/shoulder massage as sitting in hospital chairs can lead to lots of aches and pains. But maybe book it for a couple of weeks after your return home, as she probably won't want to be away from you for too long at first!

And maybe you could get some holiday brochures, restaurant guides or walking maps - then you can look through them together whilst you're recovering and plan where you're going to go to celebrate your new lease of life .

Gemma.

 

[Bionic Valve Tim]

I don't think this is the type of thing you're asking about, but make sure she has a comfortable recliner for when she gets home. We didn't (even though it's often mentioned on these forums) but a friend brought over a loaner on the day I got home--I will be forever indebted to him for it!

It is infinitely easier to get in and out of than a bed or sofa. We threw a sheet over it and I sleep in it for weeks. He's coming to pick it up today, in fact (~10 weeks post-op).

Also, everyone gave me books and magazines (probably because I'm an English teacher!) but I did almost no reading until well after the surgery. It was tough to concentrate while on Percocet, and I also couldn't get into a comfortable reading position. Thank goodness for Tivo and the DVD player!

Tim