I'm so afraid to trust

[Barbara Stewart]

this wonderful feeling I am having. Lately, I feel better than I have in years. I am physically active and have started walking longer. I actually walked for 50 minutes this week. That may not seem like a big deal to a lot of you, but my first surgery was 17 months ago and the second was 10. That means I've been sick for a very long time and even recently have had set backs.

My PCP had me on Cymbalta and he added 20 mg of Lexapro several weeks ago and I wonder if it just kicked in. I'm also using one Ativan in the morning to control my fears. Is that an OK thing to do? I feel like I'm in a foreign land and I don't know what to expect next.

I find I've been avoiding writing about this because that makes it real, not just in my mind. Can I count on this? Ever since I can remember, my body has let me down. There is one problem and that is my BP. It has been high and hard to control for 26 years and seems to be reverting to that pattern. That makes me afraid because it could wear my valve (porcine) out more quickly. Can anyone offer their experiences like this? How long has your porcine valve lasted?

Sorry if this under the wrong topic, but I'm sure Ross can fix that if it needs fixing.

Thanks everyone,
Barbara

 

[geebee]

As far as the meds go, only your doctor can tell you if the Ativan would not be in order. If there are no interactions with your other meds, whatever makes things comfortable for you should be fine.

I have had so many bad days in the past (both recent and distant) that I have learned to simply be extremely grateful for good days. I try not to worry about bad days coming back as I am sure there will be days coming that will be more difficult than others.

However, I had a great day today and was the first day I was really out and about after having pericarditis. This day was amazing and that is the thing I try to hold onto.

I don't know if this helps you or not. There is no reason to think you will not continue to feel great. However, it is important to remember that, even if you have some bad times, those too will pass.

 

[blessed1416]

Take one day at a time.

Take one day at a time.

Barbara and Gina,
You have both been through so much, it is understandable to trust your good days - and wonder (not if, but when) the bad day(s) will return. That's why we have to take one day at a time and be thankful for the good days and try not to worry about the other days. Just know that you are both in my prayers.

 

[cam4est]

Hi Barbara. First off, congratulations on making it through these last months and getting stronger! It really is hard work and you are accomplishing it each day!! After 2 heart surgeries so close together, it is natural to have some mistrust of your body. That is why you have to celebrate the small recoveries. I imagine the meds are helping you cope with the trauma. Maybe as you have many more good days, you will be able to wean off of the ativan as your trust factor increases. I also had 2 OHS close together and it has been a year since the last one. I am still dealing with some of those trust issues but it is getting better all the time. You WILL be stronger and better with some more time. Also it sounds like you are exercising and working your way back up that hill. Going to the gym helps me feel stronger and happier. It is great therapy. Hang in there Barb. I would love to hear from you more as we have both climbed out of a big valley and the support from others does make a difference. Take care, Karen

 

[catwoman]

Barbara:
You've just had some big mountains to climb in the last year. No wonder you sometimes feel the way you do!!

I really treasure each day I feel on top of the world -- which is most of the time, if I don't abuse my body by not getting enough rest.

And don't forget to come visit me at the cat show Oct. 21-22 at the Live Oak Civic Center. I'll have 3 cats (Maine Coon, Norwegian Forest Cat & an American Shorthair). Would love to meet you! I'll PM you w/ my cell number.

 

[StretchL]

I'm also using one Ativan in the morning to control my fears. Is that an OK thing to do?

Are you kidding??? I think they should put Prozac in the nation's water supply.

If the Ativan is helping you approach life from a less fearful, more rational place, I say enjoy living with the "real you."

Congratulations on feeling healthy!

 

[Karlynn]

Are you kidding??? I think they should put Prozac in the nation's water supply.

I volunteer the greater metropolitan Chicago area for the test market!

Barbara, is the Atavan prescribed by the same doctor that prescribed the other 2 drugs, or are you just adding it in on your own? If you're just adding it, I would caution you to get your doctor on board with it just to be safe.

That all being said - the brain is still mostly a mystery to us. There are so many body chemicals and hormones that can affect our feelings and general sense of well-being. To feel that depression, or anxiety or other such "mental health" issues are all in someone's head that they just need to "get over" and forget about drugs (thank you Tom Cruise) is like saying, I just need to get over my mechanical valve's propensity to form clots and stop taking my Coumadin.

Do what you need to do to feel good and normal. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. I take Coumadin in order to live and enjoy mine.

 

[Barbara Stewart]

Thanks everyone for your kind responses. It helps to know others understand my feelings. I guess I'm slowly coming along and getting stronger and healthier everyday. I haven't felt like I needed to take an Ativan the last couple of days, but if and when I feel anxious again I will.

Thanks again.
Barbara

 

[marky]

Barbara..
I remember having quite a few fearful days and nights .. and a little Xanax..helped me right along..
Try to take each day for what it's worth.. and not project on to tomorrow.. for me I find when I start thinking past this day..I become a bit anxious..
Keep your doc on board with your progress..and medications..
You are coming along just fine