I'm New and Not sure if I'm crazy yet?

[linda janicki]

Hi everyone!: I having been watching from the sidelines for a couple of weeks.
My husband is 59, (we've been married 37 years and retired about a year and a half, - moved to the country and still making new friends.)

My husband has a history of heart disease and just found out he needs an aortic valve replacement. Having an Angiogram Aug. 25th to see if they will do bypass at the same time. My kids are married and are great kids, but they are not talking too much. Maybe they don't realize the seriousness of this. My husband wants to know nothing about it. Our long time friends aren't saying too much either just "heart surgery is so common today and they do wonders". It's on my mind all the time. What should I do - keep busy???? until the surgery probably in September. We go to the surgeon on Aug. 24th. What do we ask???? What is the recovery time? Am I normal to be so worried? I know he'll be better after, but I hate to see him go through all this. I feel somewhat alone in my concerns!

Lin

 

[countryboy]

My wife and I are both 57 and we went through the same thing last fall. I had AVR in October. Heart surgery is common and no problem to those who have never had OHS. I received quite a bit of help and info from this site. I would encourage your husband to read as much as possible--many questions get answered here. Some of the info I would relay to my wife, but she didn't read many of the posts. She told me later it was the most terrified she had ever been. I would hope you and your husband talk about the impending surgery. If he is not scared, he is not human. Your children, friends, and etc. will be a big help, but in the end it is the two of you. My wife and I have been married 32 years so we are in similar circumstances. You will get through this as many others have before you. Tell your husband we have been there done that. It is not fun for 2-3 weeks but I feel better now than I have in a long time. Hope this helps.

God Bless,
Bobby

ps--prayers help tremendously

 

[Mama2Rylan]

Hi everyone!: I having been watching from the sidelines for a couple of weeks.
My husband is 59, (we've been married 37 years and retired about a year and a half, - moved to the country and still making new friends.)

My husband has a history of heart disease and just found out he needs an aortic valve replacement. Having an Angiogram Aug. 25th to see if they will do bypass at the same time. My kids are married and are great kids, but they are not talking too much. Maybe they don't realize the seriousness of this. My husband wants to know nothing about it. Our long time friends aren't saying too much either just "heart surgery is so common today and they do wonders". It's on my mind all the time. What should I do - keep busy???? until the surgery probably in September. We go to the surgeon on Aug. 24th. What do we ask???? What is the recovery time? Am I normal to be so worried? I know he'll be better after, but I hate to see him go through all this. I feel somewhat alone in my concerns!

Lin

HEY Lin...Welcome to the forum...I am a recent newbie here myself and I just want to say feel free to ask any kind of questions here you want...everyone here is so helpful so dont be shy ok..I know they have helped me alot!

Just like your husband, I am waiting to have my aortic valve replaced...my surgery is scheduled for the middle of august and of course I'm worried about it...I think everyone dreads having surgery no matter what kind it is...I'm sure your husband is worried just as much, if not more then you are...he prolly just doesn't want to say anything to you because he doesn't want you to worry to much...I really think he is just trying to put on a brave face for you...

As for your kids...they might not be ready to talk about it because they either dont really understand the whole situation (how serious it is) or they may just be afraid as well...I know if the situation was reversed and it was my mother having surgery I don't know how much I would bring it up either...I wouldnt want to upset her even more...maybe they are in denial??

If your husband doesnt want to ask questions or doesnt want to find out information about his condition, then maybe it would be better for you to look around...just check out this forum and ask questions...i mean there is no better place then here to learn stuff...all the people here are going through what you and your husband are going through right now...

As for what you should ask...well since they are going to talk to you about replacement of the valve, you will want to discuss the two different kinds available. There are tissue (which is usually a porcine "pig" valve, but sometimes they will use a homograft, which is a cadaver valve) and mechanical. Your doctor should explain the pros and cons for each valve to you. Then I would ask about the recovery time that pertains to your husband..everyone is differenet depending on their age/health condition. I think the general time is 5-10 days in the hospital...the about 6-8 weeks afterwards...they just want to make sure the sternum is fully healed. Other then that, just let your doctor know that you want to know as much information as possible and you will be surprised on what kind of questions just come to you...

Overall, I think it's great that you are so concerned about your husband and you are willing to look out for him like this...I would like to tell you though that it's ok to be worried, but just try not to work yourself up about it...from what I hear the anticipation is almost as bad as the surgery it self Good luck to you and your husband!!

 

[Phyllis]

What should I do - keep busy???? until the surgery probably in September. We go to the surgeon on Aug. 24th. What do we ask???? What is the recovery time? Am I normal to be so worried? I know he'll be better after, but I hate to see him go through all this. I feel somewhat alone in my concerns!

Dear Lin,
As has often been said on this forum, the role of the mate is often harder than that of the patient! Dick and I have been married 40 years and fortunately had never had any major health problems until his AVR. We had a year to research it before his surgery, but he was in denial that he actually needed the surgery until about 3 weeks prior. Even after the surgery date was set, he drove me crazy by going out for long bike rides (he at least agreed to give up tennis) while I sat home and wondered if he would return or not. You should discuss with the surgeon, what type of valve he will use, mechanical, bovine or porcine and his reason for recommending his preference, and how many of these procedures he does. Without complications, your husband will probably be in ICU for 24 hours and in a cardiac care unit for 4 or 5 days. There is much information on this forum re: the different valves. Try and get your married children involved in the discourse and decision making. We found out Dick's surgery date, the day before Thanksgiving when they were all home for the holidays and their support along with the joy of all being together was a great help. They helped to convince Dick that yes, as a lawyer, he could cancel a court appearance that was scheduled for the same day in favor of having his surgery. Bobby is right, in the end it is the two of you, but their support (especially for you) is very important. It's nerve wracking, but doable and as with all strife in life, somehow you find strength you never knew you had. It is perfectly normal to be so worried. Best wishes to you both and please post back with any and all questions.
Best Wishes,
Phyllis

 

[Karlynn]

Welcome Linda,
Once you become fully crazy, you'll fit right in. All reactions to the news of valve replacement should be considered normal, unless it involves taking loaded weapons to the roof of a building. We all have our way of dealing with the news. I'm not surprised that the wife is the one looking for information. That would certainly be the case in my family.

First, you should understand that, while this is a serious operation, it is also a highly successful on with mortality ratings not differing too much from other more common, more benign surgeries (1 - 2%).

Valve choice will be one hurdle to jump. I'll warn you that the topic can become somewhat sticky here because we are all type-loyal. But it is a personal choice that you weigh with age, life-style and comfort level. Your husband's age puts him in the gray area of whether a tissue valve will last him the rest of his life. Most likely not, particularly if he has longevity in his family. Then you need to weigh the repeat surgery at an older age issue. With mechanical valves you get the Coumadin issue and all the pluses and minuses that go along with that. In the end, we support anyone and their choice, because all good choices in the end.

Dig in, there's no such thing as a dumb question.

 

[hensylee]

I am glad you found VR, Lin. I hate to think how many are out there just like you and don't know about us. The surgery is major and nothing to be sneezed at. It's not like getting your gall bladder out! You and hubby (or just you, if he won't) need to be well informed about this. You can do searches here in VR when a question comes to mind - or just ask us. There's a lot to learn, but you have come along in plenty of time to get it all. Welcome to the world of Valve Replacement. Thanks to Hank, our founder, there is help here.

 

[Ross]

If your beginning to look like this

Then your right at home here!

 

[terryj]

I am also the wife of a man who had his aortic valve replaced nearly 4 years ago. He was 51 and never been seriously sick in his life. We have been married 38 years this Nov. I know how scary this all this. I was there. But, it wasn't as horrible as we imagined. He was in the hospital 8 days but only because of the coumadin taking so long to get his INR up. He had his surgery in Sept and in November we drove 350 miles to Biloxi for our anniversary. He was back to work on light duty in 8 weeks and now 4 years later except for yearly doctor visits and monthly INR visits our lives are as normal as anyone elses and my grown kids acted unconcerned before the surgery, but that I think was for our benefit. They were right there with me as much as possible during the 8 days in the hospital and visited as much as possible when we got home.

 

[Nancy]

Hi and welcome-

My husband has had three heart valve surgeries and two lung surgeries, all about the same in the severity of the surgery and the amount of recovery needed. He's also had about six situations, not involving heart surgery, that that could have caused his death. He has multiple and severe medical problems.

I've been where you are many times. It's not fun.

Joe is also one who doesn't want to know much. So, I love the computer and I do all of his research and my own as well, and tell him when I find something I think he needs to hear. My main job is to keep him thinking forward and positively and to keep him thinking that recovery will happen, even if it might take a little while.

I have found that it has been invaluable for me and also for Joe that I know as much as I do. It kept me from going over the edge, and made me realize that the human body can and will recover from the most difficult things as long as one gets proper and timely medical care. I can also evaluate the level of care that he is getting, and believe me when I say that this will become very important, and not something you can do without some knowledge.

Thinking over the icky parts, like the surgery and early recovery, into the future when your husband will be feeling so much better than he does now, will help you to get through.

Facing his problems by reading as much as you possibly can will help you tremendously. It will be very hard to do at first, but forge on and keep reading. You will see a pattern, and you will see how recovery takes place, and you will gain insight in how others have survived this.

You both will get through it.

The surgery is a lfe saver and is routine now. It is MAJOR surgery. The surgeons who do this are excellent, your husband will be taken care of with the best people the hospital has, and his pain will be well controlled. The first 6-8 weeks will be difficult, but will get better and better as time goes on. The final healing takes place in 6 months to a year. But during this time, your husband will be feeling much better.

Wishing you all the best, stay with us, we'll help you get through it.

 

[tommy]

Lin,

Glad you found us. Looks like you can use somebody to talk to. This is a great place to do that. Hope the bypass isn't necessary, but doing the two procedures together makes sense if he's otherwise up to it.

I suggest that you read as many of the pre-surgery threads in here as you can. Ask lots of question to the doctors. Ask about valve choices. Ask about medicines before, during and after. Ask about the surgery itself. Ask about recovery time. Ask about rehab. Ask about long+ term prognosis and restriction afterwards. Ask about insurance coverage.

The cliches can be comforting, but remember that "no problem" tends to be when it happens to somebody else. It's a big deal, for sure. You can take lots of encouragement that there are 1000+ of us in here that have benn through it, and that there is much to look forward to down the road.

 

[labguides]

Like your husband, our daughter did not want to research or really even talk about upcoming heart surgery. I that was her way of coping. I spent hours and hours on this board learning all that I could. That was my way of coping.

 

[linda janicki]

Thanks very much!

Thanks very much!

Everyone!
Thanks for all your timely responses. At least if I do go crazy, I'll be in good company. You have given me lots to think about. Thanks for being here.
I'll be checking in all the other sites to try and learn as much as possible. Some of you talk a different language at this point!
Lin

 

[Ross]

Whatever you don't understand, just ask, we'll put it a different way.

 

[bvdr]

Welcome, Lin. I really don't have much to add except another welcome.
Everyone has different ways of handling stresses. My husband's idea of handling health issuses is either ask me to take care of it for him or his next inclination is to increase his life insurance. He doesn't even know for sure what medications he takes. I fill his containers and he takes whatever I put there. He has had major health problems in his life but I doubt that he has ever looked anything up about any of them. I think men are more often like that than women. Perhaps it isn't quite the way I would like it to be but after 39 years of taking care of him I don't fret about it or expect it to ever change. He DOES however appreciate me looking out for him and your husband probably will too.

I hope your husband's cath goes well on the 25th.

 

[csutherland]

Everyone is different in how they deal with sickness and doctors. I'm the one who researches everything--I'm the one who uses the internet. You can find a tremendous amount of info and it helps in conversing with the doctors. When I come to a medical term in an article that I don't understand I go to an online dictionary to get the meaning. Then when the doctor throws some fancy medical jargon at us I have at least some idea of what he's talking about, and if I don't, I just ask!

Since you obviously are online, you can pass a lot of time doing searches of "AVR". You'll find stuff that scares you to death, but you'll be smarter. It amazed me to talk to a wife whose husband has had valve surgery and she doesn't even know which valve! She just thought a valve is a valve is a valve I guess.