I want my mommy...

[debster913]

Hi, all--

Sorry to start another thread. As much as I'm amused at the Hubster tonight, I am also very sad. I realized (although I have always been aware of the fact but don't dwell on it) that my mother was diagosed with cancer on April 11, 2007--a year to the day that I had my "fun" experience with my valve.

As I thought about this, I also realized that I haven't spoken to her in almost two years. In the beginning, when all of this was happening, I was strong and pushed forward, but lately my heart has just ached for my mother. I miss her so much. And maybe Easter has something to do with it as she got sick around that time.

Sorry if I'm being depressing. I know so many of us here have dealt or are dealing with far worse, but I just wanted to vent a little.

 

[geebee]

Understand completely. I always miss my mom the most around holidays because she was the best at making them so very special. I also miss her when I don't feel well because she always made it better.

You are not being depressing - merely expressing the best kind of love.

 

[Marguerite53]

It's fine to relate these feelings, Debi. This time last year I was going through absolute hell with my father's unpredictable, practically schizophrenic Alzheimers. Emergency guardianship, getting kicked out of his residence; just the worst. But I love(d) him so very much. He was my guy! My favorite person on the planet. My daddy. He'll have been gone from me one year on May 31st. I still ache for him. I do. But I feel as if I really ought to let him go. Like I might be hampering his own spiritual destiny somehow if I don't really work on letting go. So I've been trying so hard to be okay with being alone. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. But what can we do?

I still have my mom. She lived 3000 miles away for most of my adult life, but now, in her 80's, she and her husband have moved here. It is lovely to have her around. We have never been as close as I was with my dad, but it is nice to be so special in someone's eyes and heart. I'm glad they are here.

Marguerite

 

[Eva]

Debi,

This is why we are here...to support each other. All of March, I felt almost like dead, depressed, low energy, and voila, all of a sudden I realized that my subconscious was reliving the shock I had when my cardio dropped the bomb shell of the need for surgery over my head out of the blue! So, this is normal. Come and visit us again, dear, if it might help you to have company.

Remember your mom is in peace now and watching over you.

 

[Cooker]

No apologies necessary .... I miss my mom too

 

[hall]

A friend and I were talking about this a couple of days ago. No one like your Mom or Dad. The holidays are a great reminder.

 

[Karlynn]

I'm there with you! My Mom has been gone 10 years and my Dad 8. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them and miss them. And throughout the years some really unusual things have occurred that let me know that they are still with me.

 

[netmiff]

Debster, it really is OK to miss them ... you'll do yourself more harm holding in the feelings than letting them out. Vent on, whenever you have to! I still have both my parents, at least part-time anyway; they spend 5 months of every year thousands of miles and a good few degrees centigrade away in Texas. Also, Dad was in the merchant marine, and spent huge chunks of time away from home. And .... the came to Canada 10 years before me, and left me in Europe (not abandoned, my decision!) So, although I am used to being "alone", they have never been much more than a phone call away. They are both in their mid to late seventies, both in really good health. I dread the day when something happens to either of them.

Having said that, I lost my MIL, who lived with us, almost 2 years ago, and that still nags at me, she was only 66. Miss her lots . . . as, obviously, does DH.

 

[Bina]

This week marks the 6 year anniversary of my Mom's passing.....April 8, 2003.....she was 69 years of age.
Maybe that's part of the reason why I don't get really excited about Easter anymore.

 

[Debster]

Holidays are so hard Debi, aren't they? I still have my mom (her valve job was 4 yrs ago today, in fact) but my dad and stepdad are both gone. I hate it, I think of them every day. I liked Karlynn's post, where she says her folks let her know they are still around....hope you have a happy Easter from one Debster to another.....

 

[twobike]

If only there was long distance calls to heaven. I do dream about mom every once in a while. She was my best friend. Never dream about dad, but loved him as much.
Sharon

 

[Eva]

Dear All,

Out of my own experience with grief and its painful effect on me, I only felt better after I read one time in "The Mourning Handbook" an advice that helped me personally A LOT. It helped me overcome the oldest and the newest griefs in my aching soul and heart as all those were very dear to me: a 23-years young sister in when I was 19, my father when I was 23, my mother when I was 30, then my brother in 1999 who became the father, the protector, and my friend, then another sister in 2005!

Here is the advice using my own words: buy a helium ballon (or balloons for more than one person) and write your feelings with a felt pen (so that the balloon does not explode ) on one or both sides to the one you miss any time you feel your emotions are hurting. Take the balloon to an open area and set it free, watching it flying higher and higher and imagining your balloon delivering your message to that person until it disappears in the space ... you can also talk to that person while watching the balloon disappearing.

I still do it sometimes on birthdays and Holidays. So you can do it tomorow whoever feels like it.

I hope it helps you as it helped me and others I recommended it to.
With prayers to all of us.

 

[Lorraine]

Hi Debi,

My Mom passed away 39 years ago today. My Dad 39 years in November, I'm with you, I miss my Mommy and Daddy too. I think of both of my parents all the time. The holidays are the hardest but over time it has gotten easier. Though they are not with me physically I know they are here in spirit, as I too, like Karlynn have had unusal occurences. It never made me scared, but rather comforted. I know they are watching over me, my sisters and brothers.

 

[lbecker]

Debi, I think it is great that you share and others feel comfortable to do the same. I
too miss my mother, it has been a long time ago, she was 38 years old and I was 16.
She died after having open heart surgery to replace her mitral valve, just like I am
facing. Yet medicine has changed so much in the last 35 years that I know it is not
the same. I have come to the conclusion that as we experience different things in our
lives we want to share them with those we love and I am so thankful to have had a
mother who was an amazing person, I will never stop missing her! Laura

 

[debster913]

Thanks for all your replies. Easter this morning was a bit sad since my stepdad suffers from grief far worse than I do and he just sat teary-eyed through brunch.

The worst part for me was the suddenness of my mother's death. One day she's fine, the next day she's diagnosed with cancer, four months later, she's gone. I still feel her near. She loved butterflies--monarchs were her favorite--and every time I see one flutter by (!) I think of her.

An interesting story: Last fall I was driving out to a women's retreat with one of my girl friends, and I was telling her how I think of my mother whenever I see a butterfly. We were stuck in Friday rush hour traffic, and suddenly this monarch butterfly flew right past the windshield! Later, a butterfly landed on my forehead, like it was "kissing" me.

God bless all of you! Thank you also for sharing about your sadness with the passing of your parents. No matter how old we are or how our parents pass on, it still leaves that gap in your heart.