I know she means well, but ...

[Thriell]

My younger sister just recently found out about my need for OHS and, from what I've been told, she's really going off the deep end. According to what another family member has told me (and I'm not supposed to know) my younger sister is mailing various hot tub companies trying to talk them into giving me a free one (because of my arthritis), she's contacted "Extreem Home Make Over" and tried to get them to come remodel my home, and, as I understand it, she's even sent "something" in an email to Ophra Winfrey about me.

I understand that she's afraid of what >MIGHT< happen because she got saddled with the arrangements when both of our parents died. I understand that she means well, but I need to come up with a polite way to tell her to quit that.

They say that parents aren't supposed to pick a favorite, but, as far as I know, there is no such rule for siblings, so I can freely say that she's my favorite sister. I know her heart's in the right place, but if someone shows up wanting to remodel my house or bestow a bunch of gifts on me for no reason, my wife and I are gonna go off!

 

[geebee]

You do need to realize how helpless siblings feel in a situation such as this. I am sure she feels this is her way of contributing besides (or in lieu of) sitting around and worrying.

Actually how bad would it really be to have your home remodelled or get a promo hot tub? I don't know about you but my home is always in need of something to be fixed and I don't always have the energy or money to do so. Maybe your sister feels this would help you the most.

Now, a talk show situation would embarass me as well so I understand that one.

Just try to be honest with her but be prepared for her to be hurt as she is doing her best to be supportive.

 

[WendyD]

Pam's suggestion about the lazy boy is brilliant, seriously though,if she wants to help, and she obviously does worry and care about you a great deal, maybe have a good chat with your wife and let your sister know what she can do to make your life easier post op, then we she won't feel so helpless and will feel like she is contributing.
A lazyboy is definately very high on the list of priorities,(the hot tub would be fabulous) but maybe a few cooked meals when you come home from hospital, to take some of the strain off your wife who is going to be exhausted & maybe she could run errands for you both?
Wishing you all the best,
Ernie & Wendy

 

[Ross]

Man all of that sounds great to me!

Seriously though, she's terrified, as are most people when they hear the words, "open heart surgery". They always jump to the "Your dying" scenario. Perhaps you should get her to come in here and share her feelings with us. We can calm her down somewhat. One things for sure, while it's a pain for you that she's doing all this, it only says one thing, "I love you". Be happy about that. Some aren't that lucky.

 

[hensylee]

She definitely loves you. You could just hug her, tell her you love her, too, but if it was her, would she want you to be doing what she's doing. Tell her the best thing she can do is support you by getting herself educated about it, relieve your wife when you are in the hospital and when you get home, bring over some meals. Also tell her that you are not going to be an invalid and aren't going to die. She's just panicked and needs to be doing something. Like Ross says, send her to us.

Let her know you really don't need all the free stuff. Laz-y-boy would be nice. I doubt she will hear back from any of these people.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

As the others have said, the best solution would be to channel her love and energy into more supportive arenas.

Number 1 on my list would be to offer to come 'sit' with you during the first week or two after you return from surgery. You will be EXTREMELY weak during this time and I'm sure your wife could use some help watching / caring for you. She should not expect much conversation from you as even that can be draining at first.

Re: The Hot Tub, it's like a big boat or airplane. If you have to ask how much it costs (or costs to operate) you probably can't afford it. Hot water doesn't come FREE! (One acquaintance removed and sold his Hot Tub after seeing what it did to his water and utility bills).

'AL Capshaw'

 

[Thriell]

As several people here have pointed out, I know she's doing all this because she loves me and she's worried. Having thought about it, I realized that if it was her, I might just be doing the same thing! She lives 6 hours away from me and she probably feels that this is about all she can do from that distance. As for the suggestions about helping out so my wife can catch a break, obviously the distance is going to make that difficult - she's still got a job to deal with. However, my wife is going to have plenty of help, in the form of her mother (next door) and two teenaged daughters (one of whom wants to be a doctor, the other a nurse [last I heard]).

Oh, and WendyD, I had to laugh when I read your post . . . my sister's name is Wendy.

 

[jayaresq]

Send Sis to L.A.!!

Send Sis to L.A.!!

My surgery is Monday. With all the new studies tentatively linking higher incidents of bicuspid valves to first-line relatives, you'd think my two brothers would call me. But they haven't much lately, and may not call again before Monday, perhaps out of fear of their own mortality. (The women in my life, however, have been infinitely more supportive.)

So, if you can spare Sis, support is good, feels wonderful and is a delightful distraction from what ails you. Okay, I agree, pass on the Makeover. Still, deep, genuine love from your family is a precious gift. Congrats on your good fortune. -- Jim

 

[hensylee]

Jim, men just aren't very good at this sort of thing. It's the ladies who nurture. Maybe that's a good thing? You know the guys are thinking about you, tho. Just like you would be thinking about them if it was t'other way about.