I have no job, career, family, partner, I live alone, I am 58 I have many other non cardiac issues

[newarrior]

-

 

[Chuck C]

"Why even go through surgery if you have no motivating reasons to survive ?

I keep hearing members talking about family as a motivator post op--what if you are utterly alone, no family, no partner, live alone, poor health that limits you in other areas of life, no work, hobbies limited, activities of daily living limited, etc etc ? I'd almost rather let the disease take it's natural course and die a natural death from valve disease vs getting an artificial valve and dealing with warfarin and all the nightmares of a new valve, post op etc

I am 58 and friends don't cut it as far as a motivator to recover, being single at this age is brutal and is actually known to damage the heart as well as adding to my pre existing depression.

I can't imagine trying to recover post op alone but that's my reality..Sounds scary and depressing.. I understand OHS post op can bring up a lot of tears, adaptations, hassles, activity limitations, lifestyle changes, deep brushes with mortality, fear, depression, loss, sadness, grief, coumadin hell, a long recovery time, suffering, pain etc etc... To go through all that suffering alone plus post op depression which would be deadly for me as I already suffer from decades long treatment resistant major depression.

So how the hell does one get through AVR if they are already depressed, alone, have no motivators to recover, are lonely, don't work, etc etc ?"



You don't have control over the hand that you were dealt with respect to your valve. None of us do. But you have control over how you choose to deal with it. You have control over the perspective that you decide to take. I'm in the middle of it now, day 4 of recovery. It is not even close to how bad you are making it out to be, and there are hundreds here who have shared the same.

 

[newarrior]

"Why even go through surgery if you have no motivating reasons to survive ?

I keep hearing members talking about family as a motivator post op--what if you are utterly alone, no family, no partner, live alone, poor health that limits you in other areas of life, no work, hobbies limited, activities of daily living limited, etc etc ? I'd almost rather let the disease take it's natural course and die a natural death from valve disease vs getting an artificial valve and dealing with warfarin and all the nightmares of a new valve, post op etc

I am 58 and friends don't cut it as far as a motivator to recover, being single at this age is brutal and is actually known to damage the heart as well as adding to my pre existing depression.

I can't imagine trying to recover post op alone but that's my reality..Sounds scary and depressing.. I understand OHS post op can bring up a lot of tears, adaptations, hassles, activity limitations, lifestyle changes, deep brushes with mortality, fear, depression, loss, sadness, grief, coumadin hell, a long recovery time, suffering, pain etc etc... To go through all that suffering alone plus post op depression which would be deadly for me as I already suffer from decades long treatment resistant major depression.

So how the hell does one get through AVR if they are already depressed, alone, have no motivators to recover, are lonely, don't work, etc etc ?"



You don't have control over the hand that you were dealt with respect to your valve. None of us do. But you have control over how you choose to deal with it. You have control over the perspective that you decide to take. I'm in the middle of it now, day 4 of recovery. It is not even close to how bad you are making it out to be, and there are hundreds here who have shared the same.

That's correct about the valve thing we don't have control over it and for that I feel extremely sad but I've also been dealt a bad hand in other areas of life and I don't see the point of going through more suffering alone. I think it would be easier if I had family a job at career meaning purpose but I haven't been good at creating those things. Plus I'm potentially now going to be forced to go back to the States and start over at age 58 or pay cash for any surgeries that happened in Thailand. I'm hearing horror stories about this surgery as well as the recovery and Coumadin. If you can light enlighten me at all and tell me that it's not as bad as I think that's great. I'm looking forward to hearing your recovery experiences. Do you think it would be harder to recover if you were alone and had no job no meaninhg no purpose?

 

[Chuck C]

That's correct about the valve thing we don't have control over it and for that I feel extremely sad but I've also been dealt a bad hand in other areas of life and I don't see the point of going through more suffering alone. I think it would be easier if I had family a job at career meaning purpose but I haven't been good at creating those things. Plus I'm potentially now going to be forced to go back to the States and start over at age 58 or pay cash for any surgeries that happened in Thailand. I'm hearing horror stories about this surgery as well as the recovery and Coumadin. If you can light enlighten me at all and tell me that it's not as bad as I think that's great. I'm looking forward to hearing your recovery experiences. Do you think it would be harder to recover if you were alone and had no job no meaninhg no purpose?

"If you can light enlighten me at all and tell me that it's not as bad as I think that's great."
It is not as all as bad as you think. Dude, I just went through it. You don't feel anything when they do it- you are totally asleep. You wake up in ICU and it is over. You will feel pain, but they have wonderful meds that make the pain go away. It is heavy duty, Michael Jackson type stuff, but this is why it exists, to get you through this week or so. So, you take the meds and recover one day at a time. You look forward to the progress that you make each day and see each day as a victory in whatever way that it was a victory, knowing that you will be feeling better and better.

"Do you think it would be harder to recover if you were alone and had no job no meaninhg no purpose?"

First of all, you keep saying that you don't have a job, but you do. You are a professional investor. You invest your money in smart ways and provide yourself a living off of the income from your investments. Not only is that a job, but it is a great job. No boss! You set your own hours, you go to visit an island for a couple weeks if you want. So, when you look at it properly, you do have a job.
At the times in my life when I lived alone, I did not feel that I had no purpose. We have the power to give our lives purpose. Maybe you don't even know what your purpose is. Maybe you will go through this surgery and help someone else dealing with facing this surgery and that is an incredible thing to be able to do. If you can help just one person deal with a situation with which you have experience, then you have a reason to see your life as purposeful. And, I think that you certainly can help a lot more than one person.

 

[newarrior]

ok

 

[Chuck C]

Chuck thanks agreed...Post op you have the following: Pumphead, cognitive decline, ticking drive you mad, feeling weird with a new valve, depression, fits of crying, mood disorders, panic, anxiety, sadness, loss, grief ?

Newarrior, I will do my best to answer your questions:

1. Pumphead?; This is not a term I am familiar with, so I don't know what you mean. My head has no enlargement or swelling is that is what you are trying to ask
2. Cognitive decline?: None. My cognitive function is totally normal
3. ticking driving you mad?: Not at all. I can't even hear it. The only time I can hear it is when I go to sleep and put in ear plugs. Then I can hear it. Other people in the room can't hear it either. Maybe I just got lucky, but even if I could hear it, even if that sound I hear when I put in my earplugs was something I could hear all the time, it would not be a big deal. However, if someone decides that it will drive them mad, then it just might do that, but that is a psychological issue for which the person might need counseling and really has nothing to do with the valve.
4. Feeling weird?: Not at all
5. Depression?: Not at all. In fact, I feel really upbeat because I am getting released from the hospital today.
6. fits of crying? No
7. Mood disorders? None
8. Panic? No
9. Anxiety? The morning when I was going into surgery I felt a little anxious. But, I tried to break it with humor. Once in the operating room, I asked them all if they had a good night sleep and told them that I wanted to make sure not of them were out partying last night and had shaky hands. Some laughs and then soon then put you out and you wake up with a new valve.
10. Sadness? None. Actually very hap
11. Loss? Loss of what??? I lost a calcified valve and am glad to be rid of it. I gained a clean mechanical valve that works great.
12. Grief? Not at all. I feel joy.

 

[nobog]

newarrior, this is what - the 6th thread you have started in regard to your situation? I think everyone here has put a positive spin on for you, and your options - now its your turn - re read what everyone has said and move forward, or just don't move at all.
I just got news today of a fellow co-worked who just fell over dead (at work), 2 years to retirement, at some point you have to count your blessings - things can be worse. I sincerely hope you can reason with yourself and come to a positive outcome.

 

[Unicusp]

Chuck thanks agreed...Post op you have the following: Pumphead, cognitive decline, ticking drive you mad, feeling weird with a new valve, depression, fits of crying, mood disorders, panic, anxiety, sadness, loss, grief ?

Same outcome as Chuck. My response is much shorter then Chucks. I had none of what you mention.
It appears that you are searching for excuses not to get surgery. That's your choice.
If I were you right now, I'd grab some of the money that you say you have plenty of, and I'd go enjoy myself in Bangkok tonight. Have fun.

 

[newarrior]

Thanks

 

[newarrior]

Postperfusion syndrome, also known as "pumphead", is a constellation of neurocognitive impairments attributed to cardiopulmonary bypass (CPB) during cardiac surgery.

 

[newarrior]

good

 

[Daniel758]

Same outcome as Chuck. My response is much shorter then Chucks. I had none of what you mention.
It appears that you are searching for excuses not to get surgery. That's your choice.
If I were you right now, I'd grab some of the money that you say you have plenty of, and I'd go enjoy myself in Bangkok tonight. Have fun.

New warrior:

A line from The Shawshank Redemption used by my cardiologist:

“You can get busy living or get busy dying.”

Meaning, to me, you can look back and lament and dwell on all your mistakes and problems in your life or you can move forward and make the best of the days you have left.

After surgery I asked my cardiologist how long I could reasonably expect to live with an artificial valve.

He quoted the line above and told me to go out and live my life and find out.

I decided to go the “Get busy living” route.

It really is a choice and once you wrap your head around that fact the way you see and react to life fundamentally changes for the better.

Preparation and prudence is necessary in life but “paralysis by analysis” and dwelling on “what if’s” and what may or may not happen in the future is a complete waste of the time you have left since no one can predict the future anyway.

Make your decision and then get busy living.

If your decision turns out it was wrong, so be it. It happens.

Make whatever decision you need to at that time to fix it and move on then too.

Another scene from a Star Trek movie I find useful occasionally:

During a space battle between two Klingons, defeated Klingon #1 tells victor Klingon #2 that he will get his revenge one day and kill him.

Klingon #2 says, “Yes, but not today.”

 

[tom in MO]

I had pumphead, no big deal, got over it. Now I'm old so when I'm confused it's because I'm old

I'm on warfarin, no big deal. My mom and MIL were on warfarin, no big deal.

Lots of old people have no family or friends left and survive major surgeries and rehabilitation. No big deal, there's rehabilitation centers, home nurses, home therapists, etc. No big deal.

You don't even need an operation yet. Stop worrying about what might be and start focusing on what is. Live fast, die young and make a good looking corpse...or die at a ripe old age from being shot by a jealous husband

 

[newarrior]

New warrior:

A line from The Shawshank Redemption used by my cardiologist:

“You can get busy living or get busy dying.”

Meaning, to me, you can look back and lament and dwell on all your mistakes and problems in your life or you can move forward and make the best of the days you have left.

After surgery I asked my cardiologist how long I could reasonably expect to live with an artificial valve.

He quoted the line above and told me to go out and live my life and find out.

I decided to go the “Get busy living” route.

It really is a choice and once you wrap your head around that fact the way you see and react to life fundamentally changes for the better.

Preparation and prudence is necessary in life but “paralysis by analysis” and dwelling on “what if’s” and what may or may not happen in the future is a complete waste of the time you have left since no one can predict the future anyway.

Make your decision and then get busy living.

If your decision turns out it was wrong, so be it. It happens.

Make whatever decision you need to at that time to fix it and move on then too.

Another scene from a Star Trek movie I find useful occasionally:

During a space battle between two Klingons, defeated Klingon #1 tells victor Klingon #2 that he will get his revenge one day and kill him.

Klingon #2 says, “Yes, but not today.”

Brilliant wisdom sir---huge fan of SSR--very true--thanks for taking the time to write out your thoughtful response. Much appreciated

 

[ClaudetteLeanna]

I see it’s been a while, but I’d like to drop in and say that you're not defined by your job, career, family, or relationship status. It's never too late to explore new opportunities, meet new people, and find happiness in unexpected places.

 

[carolinemc]

New warrior:

A line from The Shawshank Redemption used by my cardiologist:

“You can get busy living or get busy dying.”

Meaning, to me, you can look back and lament and dwell on all your mistakes and problems in your life or you can move forward and make the best of the days you have left.

After surgery I asked my cardiologist how long I could reasonably expect to live with an artificial valve.

He quoted the line above and told me to go out and live my life and find out.

I decided to go the “Get busy living” route.

It really is a choice and once you wrap your head around that fact the way you see and react to life fundamentally changes for the better.

Preparation and prudence is necessary in life but “paralysis by analysis” and dwelling on “what if’s” and what may or may not happen in the future is a complete waste of the time you have left since no one can predict the future anyway.

Make your decision and then get busy living.

If your decision turns out it was wrong, so be it. It happens.

Make whatever decision you need to at that time to fix it and move on then too.

Another scene from a Star Trek movie I find useful occasionally:

During a space battle between two Klingons, defeated Klingon #1 tells victor Klingon #2 that he will get his revenge one day and kill him.

Klingon #2 says, “Yes, but not today.”

Loved your quote from Star Trek Klingons. So true from them.

 

[carolinemc]

"Why even go through surgery if you have no motivating reasons to survive ?

I keep hearing members talking about family as a motivator post op--what if you are utterly alone, no family, no partner, live alone, poor health that limits you in other areas of life, no work, hobbies limited, activities of daily living limited, etc etc ? I'd almost rather let the disease take it's natural course and die a natural death from valve disease vs getting an artificial valve and dealing with warfarin and all the nightmares of a new valve, post op etc

I am 58 and friends don't cut it as far as a motivator to recover, being single at this age is brutal and is actually known to damage the heart as well as adding to my pre existing depression.

I can't imagine trying to recover post op alone but that's my reality..Sounds scary and depressing.. I understand OHS post op can bring up a lot of tears, adaptations, hassles, activity limitations, lifestyle changes, deep brushes with mortality, fear, depression, loss, sadness, grief, coumadin hell, a long recovery time, suffering, pain etc etc... To go through all that suffering alone plus post op depression which would be deadly for me as I already suffer from decades long treatment resistant major depression.

So how the hell does one get through AVR if they are already depressed, alone, have no motivators to recover, are lonely, don't work, etc etc ?"



You don't have control over the hand that you were dealt with respect to your valve. None of us do. But you have control over how you choose to deal with it. You have control over the perspective that you decide to take. I'm in the middle of it now, day 4 of recovery. It is not even close to how bad you are making it out to be, and there are hundreds here who have shared the same.

I am also 58 years old, single and have a dog. I have no need for anyone in my life at the moment. Just needing to care for myself at the moment. Had 2nd bypass at 36, cared for myself as best I could. Also it woke up my genetic type 2 diabetes, so another mountain to climb. But I have had bouts of depression from it and had to deal on my own. But I have done better, have my moments. But can't let anything get me down.
Found out I have calcification of the mitral valve, they are watching carefully. But I can't let that get me down. All on my own. But I do talk to my brother who lives in Arkansas, through text, messaging or occasional cell phone call. But I do hang in there through it all, alone. But never let it get me down.
Now having to deal with a public bus driver who has made it his mission to bully me as I use a rollator and he does not like it. But he will soon lose his job if he keeps it up. I will never back down to people like him. It makes me depressed, and I will never give in. It is hard when one is alone but know that others are in your corner. I never give in.

 

[carolinemc]

Brilliant wisdom sir---huge fan of SSR--very true--thanks for taking the time to write out your thoughtful response. Much appreciated

And never let anything get you down, for you are never truly alone.

 

[ClaudetteLeanna]

I see it’s been a while, but I’d like to drop in and say that you're not defined by your job, career, family, or relationship status. It's never too late to explore new opportunities, meet new people, and find happiness in unexpected places.

Personally, I had a hard time finding the right path for a while too. However, recently I came across a fantastic resource called Phlebotomy Training Cost - Phlebotomy Near You that offers phlebotomy training. I decided to give it a shot and pursue this promising profession. And it has brought so much positive change in my life! Not only did I gain new skills, but I also discovered a whole new circle of acquaintances and found a renewed sense of purpose.

 

[nobog]

I truly admire your resilience and strength in facing life's challenges head-on. It's not easy, especially when dealing with health issues and the daily struggles that come your way.

But he's not.