Husbands surgery coming soon!!

[twoboysdad]

Hello all,

This is my first post. I have been reading a lot of the posts on here the past few days. WOW you are all so great!! This is a great forum.

Anyhow. my husband is having his aortic valve and part of the aortic root replaced. He was born with a narrow valve and had the valve widened when he was 16 and has no other problems since the surgery.

We met with the surgeon yesturday and set the date for October 15. I am pretty scared. I have no experience in dealing with something like this. He is scared, too I know so that is why I don't want to burden him with my fears.
He has found comfort on this forum. I am sure a lot of you have talked to him, he is twoboysdad aka Jeff. I know since finding this site he spends a lot of time on here reading all the posts. THANK GOD FOR ALL OF YOU!!

I am not sure what to say to my husband about the whole situation other than I love him and I will be here for him no matter what. I am so glad that there are people who can give him their experiences.

If anyone has any advice on how a very nervous, scared and panicing wife can deal with things PLEASE let me know. I am hanging in there but as we get closer to the big day I seem to get a little worse. It is all really starting to hit me. Twenty two days from now I will be sitting in a hospital waiting. Oh how I hate to wait! I am looking forward to halloween this year more than I ever have! I know that by then things should be getting better. He should be out of the hospital and hopefully starting to feel a little better.

I am sorry for rambling.I am a whirlwind of emotions right now.
Thanks for listening.

Michelle

 

[momshell7]

Husband's surgery

Husband's surgery

Hello all,

I didn't realize until I posted that previous thread that I was logged in under my husbands name. Sorry for the confusion. There is a lot of that these days.

Anyhow, my user name is momshell.

Thanks,
Michelle

 

[terryj]

My husband had his aortic valve replaced on 09/11/01. I have always been a
worrier about everything. We have three grown children and 8 grandkids. He was 51 and I was 50 when he had his surgery. I also got more worried and scared as the time grew closer and I found myself clinging to my husband more and thinking of everything we did as possibly the last time we'd ever do that. But, he came through the surgery fine and three years later except for the scar,once a year appointments with the cardilogist and the coumadin checks every month our life is as normal as it ever was. Except, I no longer fuss about the little things that used to annoy me about him and I appreciate everyday I have with him. Just let your husband know how much you love him and be there for him. If you would lime to e-mail me privately I can give you some tips for the hospital nd more of what to expect...

 

[Karlynn]

Welcome Michelle,
We are so happy that you and your husband found us. We told Jeff, and we'll tell you, that you wouldn't be normal to be going through this without fear. But be assured in that valve surgery, while a serious surgery, has a very high success rate with a low mortality rate.

The first few days after surgery will most likely be the worst. There is, quite often, some little blip or blurp in the recovery process while in the hospital. Very few go through without something annoying happening. The heart doesn't take kindly to being man-handled and it tends to like to express it's annoyance. This is one reason why heart surgery isn't done on an outpatient basis. (as much as our insurance companies would like them to be. )

Jeff's job for the first few weeks after surgery will be to sleep, eat, breath and walk. Don't let him try to rush his recovery, because that can backfire on him and make his recovery process last longer. But encourage him to do what he can. He may want to sleep in a comfy recliner for a week or so after getting home. Sleeping in a regular bed can be uncomfortable.

Just keep reading here, and asking questions. You'll both get through this very well.

 

[momshell7]

Husband's surgery

Husband's surgery

Karlynn,

HI, Thanks for your post. I recognized your picture from my husbands posts. Thanks for the votes of confidence. I am feeling more sure about the whole thing after reading so many good things on this forum. We have a spot all planned for Jeff when he comes home. Now we just have to get it ready!! I know he will probably try to get back to normal as soon as possible. I am sure I will have my work cut out for me. I will have to remind him to take things slow. I know right now he is concerned about being out of work for a long time. His company was just sold and he is afraid that being gone for two months right from the start will cause him to lose his job. Too many stresses at one time!!

Thanks again for the reply!!


Michelle

 

[Phyllis]

Hi Michelle,
My husband had his AVR last December and I know how stressful a time it is for you. The best thing you can do is to stay POSITIVE ,continue to let him know how much you love him and be there for him all the way. The waiting during surgery is very stressful and hopefully you will have someone there to wait with you. I burst into tears of relief in the waiting room when I received the call from the surgeon that the operation was successfully completed, but I never let Dick know just how scared I was. Being there as much as you can in the hospital to walk his daily walks around the halls and just give him general support will help. He will really need your support in the weeks following surgery at home. Dick luckily had a trouble-free recovery, but he found it difficult to sleep in the first few weeks and I spent a lot of sleepless nights listening for him and giving him back rubs. Separate bedrooms or beds and a barcalounger could be a big help. It also took time for him to get his appetite back and I made a lot of trips to the grocery store chasing after "special requests". It will all go much more quickly than you can imagine and before you know it, he will be well on the way to recovery.

 

[Gemma]

Hi Michelle,
My boyfriend Jim had his aortic valve replaced last December. I think things are a little different here in England - he had to be in the hospital the night prior to his surgery, whereas I think a lot of US hospitals let their patients check in early the same morning. So anyway, that meant we both spent the night before alone - him in the hospital, me at home crying my eyes out because I was so terrified.
The hospital didn't really tell us what to do so I rang up while he was still in theatre just to ask what time we could find out if he was OK (I was too scared to ask how things were going ) - then went to his parents and waited for his dad to ring the hospital at the allotted time. He spoke to Jim's ICU nurse who told us everything went great and he was just waking up . Then followed the longest hour and a half of my life as Jim's mother and I tried to convince Jim's dad we should go to the hospital right that second!!! He waited 45 minutes for some reason, then it took another 45 minutes to drive there!!!
So, when we got there Jim was still on the ventilator and looked pretty rough with all the tubes and stuff which are necessary in the first day or so after surgery - but the main thing was HE WAS ALIVE .
No doubt Karlynn's right, the first week or so after surgery is worst for the patient, but for us SOs, I'd say it's the night before. If you can get through that, you can do anything .
Nancy has a good list of things to take with you for the waiting room, if I can find a link to it I'll post it, unless she comes along first.
I also spent many nights rubbing Jim's back and running up and down stairs getting painkillers, cushions, drinks etc in the middle of the night. He actually slept in bed from the night he got home, but I suppose everybody has individual preferences in that respect.
Sorry to waffle on! You've found a great group of people here. I don't know how I would've got through Jim's surgery without them . Have I said thank you lately? Thank you everybody!!
Any questions, ask away - someone will almost certainly know the answer.
Best wishes,
Gemma.

 

[Ross]

Hi Michelle

I don't think you'll need to remind him to take it slow, nature will make that so for you. As he begins to heal and get all frisky again, you may have to saddle him and remind him what the no no's are. There again, nature may just let him know in no uncertain terms too.

It's nerve racking for everyone involved, but as long as your prepared with what you'll see, it's not as terrifying. You may even want to take a trip to the hospital before hand and meet the nurses and personnel on the Cardiac ICU floor. This will give you a one up on whats what and who's who, as well as prepare you for what you'll see.

He will look terrible right out of surgery with all sorts of tubes and drains in place. It will be scary for you to look at, so you need to know that. You also need to know that most of the frightening things you see, will be history in 24 to 48 hours also. Everything is there for a reason and will removed as it can be.

My best advice to anyone is to stay with the patient as much as possible. If they'll let you camp out at the hospital, I'd suggest doing just that. In most hospitals, staff is short handed and the patient doesn't necessarily get the care that they need and that's where you need to be stepping in. Your a very necessary part of his recovery and if he doesn't need you much now, he certainly will when he's through surgery.

As for the house, get walking areas cleaned up. Move throw rugs out of the way, get furniture arranged so it's easy to get into and out of, and if he needs to be making food for himself, make sure pots and pans etc, are easily accessible without stretching to reach them and use them.

I'm sure there are many more things your wondering, so just ask and we can pretty much cover every possible scenario for you. Try to relax and enjoy presurgery time as much as you both can.

 

[momshell7]

husband's surgery

husband's surgery

Hello all,

THANK YOU so much for all of your replies!! They are all giving me more confidence. I believe that everything is going to be ok. Luckily the surgeon told me that I could see Jeff 45 minutes after the surgery. I am so glad I don't have to wait any longer than that. I will be pretty crazy by then. I will be a nervous wreck until I see that he is ok.

I will keep you all posted at new things develop!!

Thanks again for all the replies that are greatly appreciated!!

Thanks,
Michelle

 

[Phyllis]

Michelle,
Ross's post re: the ICU unit reminded me of my experience there. My daughter and I were able to see him one hour after surgery and we were prepared to be upset by the ventilator, tubes, etc., but it really wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. Having never been operated on before, the anesthesia really knocked Dick out and he wasn't awake enough to come off of the ventilator until the middle of the night (he was down from surgery at 1 PM). He did grasp my hand and he understood what I said to him. At times, when he seemed agitated by the ventilator, I would stroke his arm and try to calm him down. In the days and weeks to come, he mentioned many times that he remembered that and what a soothing effect it had on him. So my main point is that just being there as much as you can is the best you can do for him. Since he was not off the ventilator that evening at 7 PM, the ICU nurse offered to get me a cot if I wanted to stay, but at Brigham, he had one nurse to care just for him and she was in the room at all times, so I opted to get the sleep I knew I was going to need for the recovery process. When I called at 6 AM the next morning, he was sitting up in a chair and waiting to be transferred to the step-down unit.

 

[Karlynn]

One thing I thought of to pass along to Jeff. The Drs. may give drugs during surgery that somewhat paralize the patient so that no involuntary movement occurs to disturb the operation. I wasn't told this and when I was starting to come around I couldn't see and I couldn't move. Or at least I thought I couldn't. My husband saw my eyes open and kept asking me to respond and I couldn't. So then I began to panic inside thinking "somethings's gone horribly wrong!!! I can't move." I kept trying so hard to move and my husband said it came out as twitching. The paralitic drug hadn't worn off completely yet. If I had been told about this, I wouldn't have paniced. I think most patients don't come around until after the drug has worn off (if it's administered).

Sorry to hear that the change in his company is coming at this time. I'm sure that's a worry. Take it a day at a time.

 

[lemonstuff]

Hi Michelle

Hi Michelle

I can understand your anxiety and concern about Jeff's upcoming operation. I had my op on 7/29 and my husband has been monumental in my preparation and recovery. The biggest thing I can recall that helped me was his persistance on keeping me positive thoughout the whole thing. When I was worried and fearful he would remind me of how much better I would be afterward, and that I should think about the future, not sulk here in the present. The power of positive thinking is amazing.

He was there for every ICU visit and brought me printouts of threads here from valvereplacement.com of everone's well wishes for me.

Since the surgery he has pushed me to keep up with my walking and exercise and diet and listens and is supportive when I think "something doesn't feel right." He spoiled me for a few weeks and then pushed me a little at a time to get back into my life in order to keep me from constatly thinking about my heart.

I'm sure you will do fine, and the operation will be here before you know it. Jeff will do fine, and try to keep him from stressing out about the job thing. I know how he feels as I am in the same line of work and it is volatile enough without this added complication.

Glad you decided to join us here~
Stephanie

 

[d and d]

Michelle,

I understand your worry. My DH went in for surgery 4 weeks ago today. I was a basket case the entire month before, even though I knew all the odds were all in his favor. It seems that no amount of reassurance can make the worry go away for long.

Here is what helped me get through the seemingly endless wait: we packed as many fun and special things into that month as we could. This really helped to distract both of us and has given us some good memories to think back on during the recuperation process. While we were waiting we also planned some fun milestone events for after the surgery: going out to eat at a favorite restaurant as soon as he felt up to it, a fun morning outing, an all-day (relaxed) outing, and (still coming up) a weekend getaway. This helped us take our minds off the surgery day and onto the rest of our lives.

You have already gotten some great support from this wonderful VR family. Here is some more reassurance. My hubby is 46 and his August 25th MV surgery went without a hitch. He was only in ICU for 22 hours and really didn?t look too bad despite the tubes and such (I was prepared for much worse). He was home after 4 days. He was out and walking around the yard his second day home and worked his way up to half-mile walks by 2 weeks post-op. I took 2 weeks off work to care for him, but he really only needed my help during the first.

He asked his cardio if his speedy recovery was normal and was told that they expected that kind of recovery for healthy men of his age. Almost all of these surgeries go without a hitch for otherwise healthy people. You can expect that his surgery and recovery will go every bit as easily as my hubby?s.

- D

 

[ALCapshaw2]

Welcome Michelle,

In many ways, the patient's spouse and family have a harder time of it than we (the patients) do. Often, by the time surgery is approaching we are READY to start feeling better and to get on with our lives. Many report a 'sense of calm' coming over them just before surgery. AND, we get to 'sleep through it' whereas the family has to sit and wait, not knowing what is going on. That is VERY STRESSFUL.

You are not at all alone. MANY spouses have come to VR.com as self described "basket cases" and found support and relief from all of the success stories and understanding from those of us who have 'been there'. Ask EVELYN about her first days on VR.com ... Now, she is a very active contributor and supporter to other newcomers.

You and Jeff need to know that PAIN is well controlled and most report only feeling some chest 'discomfort' following surgery. There may be some MUSCLE Pain in the back, shoulder, or chest muscles from having been stretched so much during surgery. I found this was best relieved by MASSAGE (either manual or one of those vibrating disk massagers) which also worked a whole lot FASTER than any pain medication taken after the onset.

It would be good if you and / or other family members or friends could provide 24 hour monitoring during the first week at home and as much hospital monitoring as possible. Most young and otherwise healthy patients don't need constant supervision after the first week or so. A cell phone is a good idea, especially when taking walks or leaving home.

There is a SEARCH feature on these forums so you can click on SEARCH and type in a topic of interest and you will find links to previous posts containing that word.

Reading all of those posts should be enough to make anybody tired and ready for a good night's sleep

Feel free to ask any questions as they come up. Most likely someone here with have the answers.

"If we can do it, YOU can do it !"

Believe that and you will both do OK.

'AL'

 

[momshell7]

husbands date set

husbands date set

Hello all,

Thank you so much for all of your posts. Each and every one is helpful. I just wish you were going to be a the hospital with me the day of the surgery!! Too bad the waiting room doesn't have a computer with internet! I really appreciate all the tips for dealing with the anxiety! I just hope I can hold it together for the sake of, not only, Jeff but also for my boys (4 and 8). My eight year old has anxiety issues already so we are going to make an appointment for him to talk to his doctor before the surgery and possibly after it, too. Does anyone have any previous experience with having small children when they had thier surgery? I am trying to decide it they should stay home from school that day or go? The surgery is on a Friday. My parents are coming to stay with them part of the day and my in-laws will be with them in the morning. My parents are not familier with where the schools are and I don't want to have then get confused and not get there to get the kids on time. I am afaid that would only frighten the kids even more. My younger son's preschool is a hassile to get to because the parking lots are gated. It is on the campus of our University and they recently installed gates. I don't want to make things confusing or difficult for my parents so I suggested keeping the kids home that day. My mom says that being at school may provide a better distraction for them than being at home. HELP!! I don't know what to do. I am afraid my older son, who has the anxiety, will do nothing but thing about his dad while at school. I just don't know what to do.

Sorry for rambling!!

Thanks again for all the support!!

Michelle

 

[Ross]

Personally I say keep them home. No matter what, they are not going to be thinking of school at all, their thoughts are going to be at home with dad. I guess you'll have to decide that on a case by case basis as to what keeps them occupied.

 

[terryj]

I would also keep them at home. That will be one less thing for you to worry about. Are they getting picked up on time,etc? Maybe you could rent some special movies for them to watch with their grandparents that day. That always seems to keep my grandchildrens attention for a while anyway.

 

[momshell7]

husband's surgery soon!

husband's surgery soon!

Thanks everyone for the posts!!

My gut tells me to also keep them home. I want them to be as comfortable as possible that day. I know if the kids are together that they will keep each other occupied. They have a gamecube game that they really love to play ( or should I say fight over). I think maybe I will get them a new one before the surgery so they have more to do. I don't want my parents to be doing something and not realize the time and forget to pick them up or something. I know everyone will be tense that day so the fewer things to worry about the better!

Thanks again for all of the support!! You all feel like family!!

Michelle

 

[Karlynn]

My gut tells me to also keep them home.

Then there is your answer! When my son was just a baby and having some breathing problems, our very wise, and pretty old, pediatrician told me that he found that 99% of the time, the mother's instincts are correct.