How did you do it?

[Eloise]

I'm sure there is a thread on this topic...yet....how did everyone get past being self-conscious about their surgical scars? Any women out there fall into a vat of self-pity over having a huge scar from her collar bone to her rib cage? I'm ususally fine for months on end,then I'll see a famous actress in a beautifull gown and *boom* the "I can''t wear a dress like that because people will stare at my scar" routine begins.I am usually able to get past this by thinking about all the lovely clothes that cover my scar,and the fact that I"m healthy and alive.I guess it still amazes me how much and in how many different ways having a valve replaced has impacted my life.

 

[Karlynn]

It took me a while to not be conscious of my scar. I always teased that I was going to get a long stemmed rose tattooed on it. After a while, I thought "The heck with it! It's my Purple Heart medal." And now I don't care. Sometimes I'll tone it down with a little makeup (if I'm wearing a nice dress), but most times I don't. I think most people who notice it figure you had some major heart surgery and see it as a sign of strength and encouragement. If we can make it through, then so can they if it ever happens to them.

 

[Raverlaw]

OK, I'm not female and don't wear low cut gowns, but-

I consider the scar to be a badge of honor (ask those members who've suffered through my scar avatar and the photos of Bryan B and me) and a daily reminder of how lucky I am to even be here today.

 

[Eloise]

You folks are the best! This forum is a god-send!!! I like the idea of getting a tatoo!!! And too,as a badge of courage.I'll probably say this a zillion times so you've been forewarned....I AM JUST SO HAPPY to be able to talk to people who understand,who help keep a perspective.I am still laughing at a post for the re-union thread because one of the activities is going to be a scar contest.I laughed so hard had tears in my eyes!!!! I love this place and boy....it's a blessing.

 

[katy kate]

eloise

eloise

personally i can't think of anything but my boyf' with a scar as its HIM you know what i mean? but apparently rasberry tea in huge amounts can improve the color of the scar (make it paler) also Im in london but ive come across an amazing moisturiser here called bio oil....you get it in the chemist ive been using it on my man and i notice a difference. hope this helps

kate x

 

[Ross]

Perhaps you should go to the reunion Eloise. When these folks get together, your guaranteed to have a good time and make lasting, meaningful, friendships. If you about died laughing reading, you will if you go!

The scar simply means that your even more special then you were before. It really is a badge of courage to be worn proudly.

 

[tobagotwo]

Truthfully, I think anyone worth having see your scar above a dressline would either see you as exciting or experienced because of it, and would rate it as a plus. The others don't count, so it's a great social filter.

My own scar is about ten-and-a-half inches long, and is bright red-purple for the last four inches at the lower end. As in Glow In The Dark. I've grown fond of it, as it fits in well with the other accumulated disfigurements of age and wear (um... make that, "experience and wisdom"), but it was mentioned that I might want to try to tone it down a bit.

I had toyed with the notion of a zipper tattoo on it, but felt that the dyes in the skin might be a problem next time they're in there. I also considered an arrow going to it from a pair of scissors, with, "to open, cut along dotted line," but it seemed like too many words.

I was counseled that a tattoo would be more distracting than the scar.

There are a number of products on the market with silicone and other substances that say they will fade even old scars. They are quite expensive. They all seem to take about eight weeks to do the job (long enough, I suspect, to make you buy a second tube).

I finally broke down and got one called "Scar Zone." I've been using it for about a month, and I've noticed a couple of salient differences: my scar is greasy from the silicone, and I am about $20 poorer.

People try Vitamin E, lanolin, aloe, and other creams. I really don't know if anything actually works. Meanwhile, I'll be sticking (literally) with the Scar Zone product for eight weeks, or at least until it runs out. When I grew up, we were encouraged to wallow in our failures to the bitter end, that we might learn more deeply from them.

Regardless, there is nothing that will take the scar away entirely, and I wouldn't want that if there were. I'll let you know if the thing fades at all, though.

Best wishes,

 

[Granbonny]

It's been many years since I have worn a low cut slinky dress. However..my very good-looking surgeon did a great job on me. I have a very thin line until it drops below my breast..then just an inch of flat pink scar. I tell everyone I have a great $100,000 **** job He brought them in and up.. Burned all my bras 2 years ago... And I am age 64.. Come to think of it..the thin line at top blends in with my other wrinkles.. Bonnie...P.S. Can I say ****?

 

[Raverlaw]

My own scar is about ten-and-a-half inches long, and is bright red-purple for the last four inches at the lower end. As in Glow In The Dark.

Bob,

Mine is too! The top half is nearly invisible now, but the bottom five inches is fat and bright red - looking like a day-glo earthworm. I can't figure out why the top half healed up so much nicer.

After shaving my furry chest the night before the operation, I was tempted by all that smooth skin to draw a dashed line with magic marker and the words "cut here" My wife talked me out of it. Now I wish I'd done it.

 

[Gemma]

Kate,
I think we're kindred spirits - I bought Jim some Palmer's Cocoa butter last week which he says makes his scar feel less "tight" - a friend is using bio oil for her pregnancy stretch marks but not sure how she's getting on. Wonder how many of the women buying that kind of thing are actually getting them for their boyfriends?!?
Jim didn't have a scar when we first started going out, now he does. And I can't imagine him without it any more. It's just him and doesn't make a blind bit of difference to the way I feel about him .
Gemma.

 

[Marguerite53]

Thanks for starting this!!

Thanks for starting this!!

Thanks for encouraging others to talk about their scars. I'm still without one and wondering (but not obsessing) what it will be like. I've always rather found small scars attractive. Curiosities. What's the story...

Catherine Zeta Jones apparently has one from an emergency traecheotomy ( I know I spelled that wrong!) which she never covers but rather wears proudly. It was a gift of life for her and she is happy to have it. Somehow I think I'll feel the same way. I don't expect to be brazen about it, but once it's sufficiently healed, I doubt that I'll work very hard to hide it.

Give others a chance to surprise you with their candor or their understanding!! Those who don't show respect, the heck with them!!

The main impact I'm hoping for with my scar and valve replacement is that I will have a future!!

Marguerite

 

[Sherry]

I don't care about my scar. In fact, I wear lower cut v-necks out with my husband and don't think twice about it. It's a badge of honor in my book.

BTW, Ross, love the new avatar

 

[gijanet]

I think you just have to grin and bare it...heehee!

I think you just have to grin and bare it...heehee!

.............course that is probably a bit less intimidating for a three year old. You have to have a really good "eye" makeup job, too, to really carry this off. Seriously, though, I would wear it proudly as a battlescar. You have been there and lived to tell about it..............definitely makes for a good conversation starter. Hugs.

[/IMG]

 

[lemonstuff]

Hi Eloise

Hi Eloise

I too consider my scar to be a badge of honor. Heck, I worried so much about this surgery that I feel I earned the right to have a reminder of just how fortunate I am to have lived through this experience.

People seem to react to it in one of three ways. 1) They just come out and ask how I got it, 2) They know what it is and relay their story about who they know with the same scar or 3) They stare at it and are either uncomfortable or drawn to it.

None of the senarios trouble me although the third one does make me more sympathetic to women who are naturally large breasted... I never knew how distracting it could be to have someone "talking to your chest" until I got the scar HAHAHA

 

[Harpoon]

While on the honeymoon my wife and I took a few opportunities to paddle around the hotel pool and every time it occured to me AFTER getting out to dry off and head back to our room that I had all kinds of knarly scars all over my chest, not just the big zipper down front, but a number of marks from drainage tubes and a "horrible" looking scar from a thorachotomy when they cut me open under my right arm to patch up some internal bleeding. Plus I had some pretty huge bruises all over my torso (they're still there actually, though slowly getting lighter by the day I suppose.)

It was the only time I really got "self-concious" over my scars, just wasn't sure other people wanted to see that kind of thing... Kind of a funny reason to cover up I guess.


They are a badge of honor, a sign that I've been through something REAL hairy and have lived to tell the tale. No one really asks to hear about it of course, but that's OK.

I get more of a reaction though from the constant ticking than I do from my scars. I also pick out scars on other people and sometimes start up "war stories" with it. Most of the folks I've seen that have zippers have them from by-pass surgeries of one sort or another so when they hear my tale, they're kinda beside themselves, "Man, and I thought I had it bad..."

I think if you have surgery before you're teens you really don't think of the scar at all and get self-cooncious about it. If you have your surgery during your teens and into your 30's, you'll probably be "concerned" about it, though it depends on how much you're concerned about your appearance in general. If you're a prima donna and you're going to have valve surgery, maybe you should line up an appointment with a plastic surgeon afterwards...

The rest of us? Yeah, it crosses your mind. It's there, there's no real hiding it, but in the end it's really just a sign of your life continuing. You went through something that most folks never consider and you're still kicking around, trying to pick out stuff that doesn't have too low of a cut in the neck. That seems better than the alternative...

 

[Harpoon]

Oh, by the way, one of the meds I'm on is called spironolactone. It's a duiretic that acts differently than furosemide (lasix) which I'm also on and it helps me to retain some of the potassium and other electrolytes that I would otherwise lose from just being on furosemide alone.

One of the side-effects, along with increased touch sensitivity and tanning faster in the sun than normal, is breast enlargement....


Yup, I've been on this stuff for almost 3 years now and I'm sporting pre-pubescent breasts.

I think I get self-conscious about that more often than the scars all over my chest.

 

[Guest]

*takes deep breath*

I've never known life without a scar.

I was (and sometimes still am) "jealous" of those guys that don't have scars, only because they were the ones in HS and college that "got the ladies".

When I was younger, I hid the scar as much as I could...because I didn't want people asking about it. I didn't want to talk about it at all.

But, within the last few years, that has changed. With my 1st and, thus far, only gf a few years ago, I discovered that scars can be quite sexy, too. As she put it, the scar pointed her to, um, better parts.

I've also become a bit more vocal about my condition, only because my most-recent surgery (January 2003) came while I was working...and thus, co-workers and others really found out about my condition...and I just decided that it was better to talk about it than have people talking about it and contemplating, etc.

*shrugs*

Cort, "Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip", 31swm/pig valve/pacemaker
'72/'6/'9/'81/'7, train/models = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
MC Guide = http://www.chevyasylum.com/mcspotter/main.html

 

[Abbanabba]

I guess I'm lucky (?!!) I've had my scars for as long as I can remember. In addition to the one down the middle (..which ends with another scar running across the bottom, which is quite puckered..), I've also got a ripper running from below my right shoulder blade all the way around under my right breast, and then a couple of catheter scars at the top of each leg (..which seem to (I hope) have grown with me and stretched out to several inches long..).

I've never known life without them and I guess I'm lucky they've pretty much "faded" although you can't really miss them up close.

Still, it doesn't stop me wearing V-necks - although I have to admit the puckered bottom does stop me wearing crop tops because it makes it look like I've got a fat-roll and I'm probably more concious of that than the scar itself (..only because you see these girls wearing skimpy things when they really shouldn't. Honestly, it's not a good look!..)

As far as saucy dresses/tops, I play up my back and shoulders. Some of the halter-neck dresses out there (..the ones without the navel-grazing neck-lines!..) are probably sexier than the ones exposing a whole lotta cleavage. Or if you've got great legs, then go for something with a thigh high slit up the side..... I'm sure that would divert attention from elsewhere!

I don't know how I'll feel about it when I finally get re-opened and have a "new" scar. Who knows how it will heal, but then they do settle back down after a while. If not, then I know the people who love me, love me for who I am, not because of what I look like.

Cheers
Anna : )

 

[katy kate]

and hairy too!

and hairy too!

Aside from the scar....have any of you men become hairyer in the chest as a result of being shaved repeatedly pre-op?
My affectionate name for my boyf', Luis is BHM the big hairy man. It has stuck so much we amost got it as a car numberplate!

He has fun telling small children who ask why he is so hairy that he got lost when he was younger in the woods and a group of bears took him in and cuddled him to keep him warm and thats why he has so much hair....

o.k mabey a bit too personal..he he (sorry luis if your reading this!)


I think he likes the fact that you can't see his scar through the hair so much...

He is half portugees half spanish and the only thing that drives me nuts is he does not believe in suncream (I am scottish so for me thats out of the question) I have to beg him to put suncream on of any type even on his scar (grrrrr)
Kate xxx

 

[Nancy]

Joe also has multiple scars all over his chest and back. They have faded in time, but you can still see them. He could care less what anyone thinks about them. He's alive today because of them.

For women-I am undergoing chemotherapy and we all know what that means to your appearance. It's the dime-store mannequin look, without the wig, temporarily. Before I entered into the chemo routine, I decided that if Hollywood could make people look any way they wanted with makeup and various styles of clothing to conceal body faults, so could I.

When you have a special occasion to dress up for, look for clothing which will conceal your scar area and maybe highlight one of your other assets. Think creatively, if you don't want your scar to show, makeup, scarves, high neck dresses which cover the chest but leave the shoulders and back bare (could be pretty and sexy), lacy inserts that play peek-a-boo with a low V-neck. You can make it work.

But basically, your scars mean that you are brave and have lived through a very difficult time, and that you are a survivor. As others have said, most will admire your strength, the rest of them, who cares?