Hey guys...

[joy]

Hey everybody, I needed somebody to talk to, but everyone in my family other than my kids, are asleep. I am really missing Kevin. Last time he went anywhere he was only gone like 8 weeks, and this is 3 times as long. He's only been gone for almost a month now, and I don't want to tell him how I'm doing. I can't sleep, I only eat one meal a day, and I cry when I get into bed at night(which is why I can't sleep). The kids are driving me NUTS, they don't mind me, and Erik isn't sleeping either. I can honestly say, this deployment is taking a lot out of me, and he's still in Norfolk. He's sending the cell phone back to me on friday, and they leave for Bahrain Sunday evening. I hate this, I have no right to feel all depressed and lonely, I am lucky, my husband is coming home in about 5 months. He's not going to the front lines, and I am able to talk to him whenever I want to(until sunday). I can't get the image of the last time I saw him out of my head. He was standing behind the car waving, crying, smoking a cigarette, and we saw him out of the rear view mirror. I am still planning on taking those trips to the acquarium etc... It's hard for me to get up and do anything, I really have to push myself just to get out of bed everyday. I just want him to come home. Well, I better get going, I need to put the kids back in their rooms. Sorry about the whine fest, I just needed to get some of those things out.
Take it easy
Joy

 

[gijanet]

You can do this...........

You can do this...........

I know it is hard, but you will make it. I swear - between working, single parenting, worrying about Katie's issues, dealing with my son's anxiety attacks, being head of the household and mowing the lawn, etc., on top of missing my best friend/hubby for 11 months - I thought I was going to end up in the loony bin! There were days that I swore that I was just going to go out and play dodge car, blindfolded, on the freeway rather than face another day. BUT, I made it, and if this old broad can do it, you can, too!

I'm sending you hugs. I can't take the ache away, but I would if I could. Keep as busy as you possibly can and stick to your agenda full of jaunts and roadtrips. Call old friends that you have lost touch with because you haven't had the time to chat. Keep a journal or make a scrapbook of daily events to share - or not! with Kevin when he gets home. Recruit the kids to help. If they know you are recording all of their wrongdoings, they might be a bit more cooperative. If they are too young for that rationale, then at least they might get excited about recording all of their daily events for Daddy. You could even record their daily good deeds. Together plan a huge family vacation when Daddy gets home. (We took a two week vacation to Galveston when Don got home - Hurricane Claudette struck while we were there, but that is another story. The kids still had fun helping me plan the trip and plan the things we were going to do, like go to Moody Gardens, etc. Katie was only two, but she still knew the beach and liked looking at all of the travel brochures.)

Well, I am rambling. I have felt your pain. Hang in there, sweetie. June will be here before you know it. Hugs.

 

[joy]

Hey Janet, thanks. Just having people who have been there helps, and this forum has been like a family to me for over three years. Kevin's and my 7 year wedding anniversary is coming up on the 15th, and with christmas having just passed, it's just a bad time for me. He's going to miss Erik's 4th birthday, by 20 days... but after he gets back, he's taking Ian to school. I arranged it with his teacher that Ian can have his "star of the week" (show and tell week) that week, so he can bring his daddy(which he calls his "superhero") in for show and tell. Then Kevin is going to pull Ian out of school after he talks to the class and we're going to Chuck E Cheeses to celebrate Erik's birthday. It's only 5 more months left until he comes back. If I look at it that way, maybe it will make the time go by. I can't believe he's been gone almost a month now. Some days it seems like it has just gone by, and some days it's just dragged on. Like these last two weeks, Ian has been out of school, and we went to eat for christmas. I almost walked out of the restaurant bawling because it took over an hour to get our food after ordering. To me there is no excuse for that, we got a cheeseburger and a grilled cheese thing, with fries, and Ian didn't even get his full portion of fries. It was just a horrible experience. The waitress didn't even stop by to see if we were OK with our stuff, or tell us what was taking so long. SHE did not get a tip!

I think now that Ian is back in school, it will go by faster, because I am busier when he is in school...I run my errands and do stuff when he is in school and I just have Erik. I still have all the arrangements to make for the house and stuff. When he returns, he's not taking leave until after the 28th because I have my annual cardio exam, and then we are going to take 20 days and drive to MN to take a vacation. I am going to fly to MN in april over Ian's spring break with the kids. I have already let Kevin know this. At least I will have my cell phone back and will be reachable by anyone who needs to get ahold of me. Kevin has had it in Norfolk so we don't have the HUGE long distance bill. He was thinking of getting a cell phone with a sim card in it, but I think we will just do international calling cards. Kevin will have to call us, write us, etc...Well, I have probably bored you all this. Sorry about the book!

 

[labguides]

Joy,
You are welcome to unload here anytime. Those of us whose spouses have been through deployments, know how difficult it is for those at home. Can you talk with any of the other local wives about your frustrations? Is there a support group for spouses of those who are deployed? One of our former neighbor's husband is a Navy pilot. She would unload on me as she felt that she had to keep a strong face around other pilot's wives.

 

[ericaj]

Joy

Joy

Joy-

I don't know exactly what it is like to have a husband deployed and I am sorry I can't help you in that way. What I can do is be here for you to talk to and to listen when you need an ear.. I don't know the right words to say, except that we all want you to be happy and if that takes us all chipping in with kind words that's what it takes.

Hugs,

Erica

 

[joy]

Hey , I didn't know you ere in desert storm 1. I know I need to be strong for my kids. I told Kevin I am going to go hang out with my friends more when he leaves the country, to get me through it. The nights are the hardest, when the house is quiet, and I'd normally have him to talk to. It's hard to sleep. I can't write him all the time, he's going to be travelling on different ships. It doesn't help me that all these wive's keep telling me "Don't hold your breath, the boat might get delayed or something." I keep telling them, they are not going on a boat. Here is what they are doing...

Sunday evening, they will fly over to Bahrain on a charter, I guess. They will be there until a USNS comes in, and their group will board the ship. They are MA's so they will be sitting there with HUGE guns gaurding the ships against boats that might come up and hit them(like what happened with the Cole), and when they see one, they shoot. Sort of a deterrent. When those ships pull into port, they will get off that ship, and another team will get on the ship and they will wait until the next one comes into the port, and they will be boarding THAT ship and etc... They will be doing this for 4 1/2 months and then they fly back to norfolk and will be there for 2 weeks, and then they fly home on June 9th. His flight arrives at 6:54 PM, and we are picking him up from the airport. They can only be gone for 179 days or they will be permanently transferred to limbo land, and we've been there, not doing THAT again! The ships they are going to have e-mail and so instead of writing him, I will e-mail him every day that he is gone. Well, I need to go, thank you for your words of courage and kindness!
Joy

 

[Karlynn]

Joy, you have my best wishes in speeding through this time that your husband is away. My hope for you that it is true that time flies.

My son's best friend since they were 4 years old is being deployed on Jan. 24. He will be with the infantry in Baghdad. He is a bit upset that he has a desk job there in one of the palaces. We think that's a great thing. He was home for Christmas and his Mom had a Bon Voyage party for him. He will be away for 18 months with a 2 week leave state-side in there somewhere. He is hoping to get his Associates degree during his time there, so we're glad that he has personal goals that he can accomplish while serving. I had a good cry when he came to say goodbye before he went back to his base. We were in the kitchen and my 21 year-old son grabbed his friend in a huge bear hug and said "I love you so much." His friend said "Me too." And after a moment "But not in a gay way, right?" Typical for him to say something to make us all laugh.

He has a lay-over in Kuwait when he first ships out, so I'm hoping that he doesn't actually get to Iraq until after the election. I know things will still be fierce, but hopefully not as fierce as what is expected prior to the election.

We have a dear friend who started out as an assigned penpal when he was in Iraq. I wrote to him twice a week and when the email was up and running we corresponded almost daily. I still sent him a "snail mail" letter once a week because he said there was nothing that felt quite so good as coming back to his bunk at night and finding mail on it. We would also send him a package once a month and when special holidays rolled around we would send fun theme packages. Maybe it would help pass some of your time to think of creative, goofy, or entertaining theme packages you could send your husband. One package we sent was a Mexican Fiesta package with shelf stable ground meat, taco shells, refried beans and the works.

Your husband and you and your family will be in my prayers.

 

[joy]

You know, I love this site...I feel like I have somthing to look forward to every time I log on and check my mail. My husband graduates tomorrow from his school, and then they have to get all their gear, and he has to stop over at medical to give them his HIV results. I don't want to tell him that I cry every night. It is just so lonely here, even though I have the kids. It just isn't the same. This week has just flown by so fast, and it's because I wanted it to drag on so I could talk to him everyday. He asked me if I still cried, and even though I hated to say it, I told him no. Around here I just feel like I have no support from others, because they've all been through it, and they keep telling me that they've been doing this for 18-20 years, and to get over it. This is my first time being without him more than 2 months. It feels aweful. He's been in the navy for 11 years, and we've been married 7 years on the 15th, and he's never been deployed until now because something always happened to make him come home, or make him stay home, whichever the case may be. He said was going to send the cell phone back to me today. He's going to the post office right now to send it back. Well, I am going to get going. I will check in in a little bit.

 

[joy]

Well, Kevin leaves for Bahrain tomorrow, he has to be out of his room at like 11, but I will call him early in the morning to talk to him for a while. It will be about 3 AM our time that I call him, so I won't be sleeping much tonight! I feel like I am so needy calling him alot, but I figure he kind of should want to talk to me, especially tomorrow morning since it is the last time we will be able to talk for quite a while. We will be e-mailing each other a lot, hopefully there will be a computer area there so we can sit there and type to each other. iwish he had a laptop, but he doesn't really do this very often. He told me today that they are talking about making this school a job specific school. Hopefully that doesn't mean that they are going to be doing this all the time. I thought MA's were supposed to be undeployable, but I guess I thought wrong. I miss him alot, but hopefully this next 5 months will go well, and just hope he returns safely. He doesn't have a wedding ring, so I told him to get one while he's over there, and WEAR IT! His broke, and it costs more to fix it than the stupid thing cost! Well, I just thought I would update you guys on what's going on over here!

Joy

 

[Mary]

Joy,
I know how important your phone call is tonight.
I recall when our son entered the Marine Corps, my husband and I spent the entire summer staring blankly at one another. Truly, it was like we had experienced a death in the family. He left in June for Camp Pendleton, and we weren't allowed to talk to him for, I think, ten weeks. He let us know in a letter the week-end they would finally let him call home. I started marking the weeks off the calendar in anticipation of the great day. It was suppose to be a Saturday, so we went to the store Friday night so we could spend the next day at home and await his call.

We got home from the store, and he had all ready called! We had missed it! There were so many new recruits, they had to let them start making phone calls one night early. I still tear up thinking of how awful we felt when we found out we missed his call. Thank God they relented and let him call later on.

That summer is burned into my memory as one of the hardest of my life, so I can only imagine how you must feel. John stayed in for five years, was accepted into Marine Recon, and basically scared me to death all the time.

I'm glad you can email; maybe that will make it better for you. I don't have any advice, but I want you to know I'm reading what you write, and I recognize what you are going through.
Mary

 

[joy]

Thank you, Mary, It's nice to know that there are others who have been there. I am however trying to stay away from the other navy wives because they keep on telling me, "oh the boat could be delayed, my husband ended up staying out three months longer than he was supposed to, blah blah blah." I mean Kevin is going into a totally differen duty than their husbands have ever been on. He will be back June 9th. It's so sad, the kids don't realize that they've already talked to daddy for the last time for an uncertain length of time. I cry now everytime I have to let him go. I still can't get that image of him standing there smoking a cigarette, crying and waving behind us as we drove off from his van. It was the last time I saw him. I hope he makes it back here safe, I hope and pray he is safe. I just hope that isn't the last time I see him. I guess I feel angry that we are spread so thin with our military. I knew this was going to happen when we invaded Iraq. We already had the war on terrorism. I know that will be an ongoing war for at least the rest of our lives, if not the rest of our children's lives and for generations to come. I also feel bad because I feel like I am being selfish because I have been feeling sorry for myself, yet there are those who have loved ones who have been killed in the line of duty. I get anxiety attacks all the time, and most nights I just stare up at the ceiling and cry. I just feel all alone and depressed. Well, I am going to get going...I have a long night ahead of me. I will check in later.

Joy

 

[gijanet]

Joy..............

Joy..............

just sending you more hugs, sweetie. I can't add much, but have felt your pain. I will tell you this, though. In some ways it gets a little easier. The initial leaving is the worst - yes, I know he has been gone a while, but he hadn't left the states. NOW, he is really leaving and it's the real thing - nothing is going to happen at the last minute to stop it - and that is so hard to accept. I know you knew that, but secretly, deep down inside, we always hope that it won't happen. It will get a little easier in a couple of weeks once you get into routine and the wound is not so fresh.

Seriously, though, do stay really busy, making journals, scrapbooks, going on outings, planning more outings, planning that vacation to MN, and making up lots of goodie boxes to send to Kevin full of artwork, pics, and goodies. And I am serious about getting reacquainted with old friends, even if by phone or e-mail.

Well, hang in there. We are all here for you. Hugs.

 

[joy]

Hey Janet, I know, he's gone. I just got off the phone with him. He's such a good guy. I am going to take Erik to the library a lot while Ian is in school and that will make time go faster. What helps is the fact that I will have my cell phone back on thursday, so I won't be waiting around afraid to leave the house for fear that I will miss his calls. That is probably the best purchase I have ever made. I upgraded my service to include international long distance as well, so he can call me and I can call him right back. In the mediteranean it is only 7 cents a minute in every country there. I will just have to pay my cell phone bill twice a month so I don't go over my spending limit. Well, I am going to go to bed, it is 6:20AM, and I haven't slept yet tonight, I waited until 3 to call him, and just got off the phone with him at 6. Thanks for the hugs though, I need them a lot now. I will check in later today, when I get up. Oh yeah, I have put a new image in my head of Kevin...THe one of him standing over me when I woke up from my coma smiling, saying Hi mommy! That was a good picture. I will never forget when we left him, but I need to remember the wonderful man I married.

 

[Sherry]

Joy, my heart goes out to you. My baby brother spent a year in Iraq, and my sis-in-law (married to a different brother) spent a year in Afghanistan. Luckily, I could e-mail them and did almost everyday. That always gave me a sense of relief to sit down after school and read one of their e-mails. I sent them care packages all year, which got expensive on my end, but made their days when they received them. They both still talk about how much that meant to them. I joined a local support group, which also helped. Take care and know that we're here for you.

 

[joy]

Hey guys, it's me, and I am doing MUCH better! I talked to Kevin just before he boarded his plane, and I talked to one of the wive's whose husband is with my husband, and we are going over to her house on Saturday, which is good, because that is mine and Kevin's 7 year anniversary. He's such a sweetie, and I know that I have to remain strong for everyone's sake. If I am depressed, it's not going to help him, or my kids, so after talking to this lady, she helped me out. I only have 5 more months left and he'll be home. He'll only be overseas 4 1/2 more months, and I will get to talk to him regularly again. I looked into my soul and I know that being depressed is only going to make me miserable, it won't bring him home any sooner. I am not going to join any navy wive's support groups, because the kinds of people that go to those are the "westpack widows" and I do not like those kinds of people. They wait for their husbands to go to sea and just throw their responsibility out the door. I can't do that. I just figured I would let you know that I am doing better. I need to go and clean my house which I haven't done in almost a month because I have been moping around. Take it easy!

Joy

 

[Phyllis]

So glad to hear you are doing better Joy! Also glad you were able to get your cell phone enabled for international use. Dick and I come from New London where the US Submarine base is located across the river so many Navy widows see their husbands deployed for 6 months at a time. We live on the Thames River and I often see the submarines coming home and think about how happy their families are to greet them upon arrival. One of the most touching things I saw was right after 911 when a sub was going out and all the boats in the harbor were following it and waving their flags. We are all truly blessed to have all of you protecting us and we know what a sacrifice it is for the families- Thanks!

 

[Sherry]

I am not going to join any navy wive's support groups, because the kinds of people that go to those are the "westpack widows" and I do not like those kinds of people. They wait for their husbands to go to sea and just throw their responsibility out the door. Joy

Joy, I had a good experience with the local support group here in my area. I found the wives and mothers to be very warm and accommodating. We sold yard signs, sent care packages, and shared correspondence and pictures from loved ones. When I suggested that to you, it was coming from my own positive experience. I'm sorry if that isn't the case with your local support groups.

 

[joy]

Hi Sherry, I am going to go to a lady's house next weekend, her husband is with my husband. THere are some support groups that are good around here, but I haven't been able to find any good ones. THere is the one group I have found that has the wive's that do nothing but go out and party, but I can't do that. I have to keep up my responsibility, and be there for my kids. I don't know what this lady's first name is, but her last name is Murphy, and she said we would keep each other busy, because I think she is waiting for her husband as hard as I am waiting for mine. The only difference is, she has her family and her kids are grown up(14 & 8). She said she remembers when her kids were younger though... I am so looking forward to my trip to MN in April, as afterward, I will be VERY busy making a banner to put across my house the day Kevin comes home, and getting the house ready!

I have to keep my attitude up, no matter how hard it is, because I don't want my time to go by slowly. If I am depressed all the time, it isn't going to bring him home any sooner, it will only make me miserable. I know this week will be miserable, because I am not leaving the house unless it is to bring Ian to schoo and back, and come right home, I am NOT missing his calls, and I don't get my cell phone until thursday. The only problem that I have with writing Kevin and sending care packages, I don't know where to send them. I know they are going to be in Bahrain for a little while, and then they will be switching boats the whole time. THey will be going to Bahrain before they leave again, and then they will be back in Virginia in 4 1/2 months. Kevin told me to send anything to Bahrain and he will get it when he gets back there, so I guess I will do that. I would love to be able to send him pictures that the boys have drawn. It would be nice. Well, I will check in later, I am going to try to finish up putting Ian's bedding on his bed and give them their baths.