Having Emotional Problems After Surgery

Valve Replacement Forums

Help Support Valve Replacement Forums:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
D

Divine Diva48

Hi,

I am a 46 year old woman who had a mitral valve replacement 2 years ago because of mitral valve regurg. I am doing fine physically, my INR is pretty stable, my medication dose is regulated, finally and I FEEL GREAT. I am so grateful to God for what He has done and how He has alloewed me to feel 100% better than I felt prior to surgery.

My problem is, I was dating a man prior to my surgery and he paniced when I had to have the surgery. We haven't seen each other since my surgery and I'm fine with that because if he couldn't go through the rough part with me, i don't want him around. But, because of the Ticking valve that I now have, I feel sort of defected and I am so afraid of trying to get close to anyone because I fear being rejected because of the ticking valve.

I know that I can't be the only person who has had this problem. I have just stayed to myself, alone since my surgery 2 years ago and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I just don't believe God has spared my life for me to spend it alone. But how do you overcome the fear of rejection not knowing how another person will react to hearing the valve tick?
 
Hey...

Hey...

I'm 44 and had the same problem with my Mitral valve. Most people think it's my watch. For the most part it's a novelty. Don't worry about it. If God got you through this, He also has someone designed just for you who will have no problem with your enhancement.:) I know people with severe handicaps including total paralysis who found someone and are happily married. So what's a little tick among friends?:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
 
I know how you feel. I was also dating someone prior to getting sick and had him not stick around - crappy, hey?

Anywhoo. . .all I can say is folks don't fall in love with your valve. If you think of the people you love, you probably love them for their essence - that beautiful combination of spirit and soul that makes them special.

The man who will fall in love with you, will fall in love with your essence - that magical combination that is you. To the man meant for you, your valve will be a sign of courage, tenancity and perseverance, and its clicking will be a reassuring sign that you can handle sickness AND health.

Carpe diem.
 
I married my husband with a ticking valve, and several years later, another ticking valve was added.

What difference does a little ticking make in the whole scheme of things? problems are part of life, either you deal with them, or they destroy you.

If someone with whom you are having a relationship with only wants perfection, it isn't going to happen in anyone's lifetime.

All kinds of things happen as we go on in life. If you have a childish person you are dating that is thinking that life will never change either of you, then ditch him and don't look back. He's not worth another minute of your time.

For heaven's sake, something bad could happen to him too, and I'm quite sure he would expect his significant other to stick around and help him.

Life is not about perfection. life is about getting through it as gracefully as possible. Things happen, bad health, money problems, job disappointments, and so many other things.

You go and enjoy your life. You are a wonderful human being and somewhere out there, there will be someone who will appreciate you for that quality. To heck with all the rest.
 
Bravo to you Divine for making it to the other side of the mountain. Get out there and enjoy life for YOURSELF...the rest will fall in place as it is meant to be and in it's own sweet time. And once you're out there again, please don't settle for just anybody who doesn't deserve a person of your obvious courage & honesty, and of your sensitive compassion. These are such wonderful attritutes to move forward on.... :) :) :)
 
I met my SO after I had my first two surgeries and he stuck around for the third and ever since. It was never an issue. I talked about my medical history pretty early on in the relationship just to make sure and he thought it was all fascinating and the valve click interesting.
Just move forward like you would have before you had surgery. Things will come up and just be open and honest. If a guy cares, you don't want him around anyway.
Best of luck to you.
 
Divine, you are divine! You and your ticker will always be together. Me and mine will, too - mine just doesn't make any sounds. We are the same, tho. Tick away, my girl and be damned to those who run away from a beautiful heart. Don't give them a care. Life is to be lived; go to it. You're the bravest.........
 
Hi there DD...and welcome!!

Hi there DD...and welcome!!

Wonderful advice from other girlies here! You are special DD and don't forget that..

In the "it's a small world after all" department --

Two of the guys I date are very familiar with heart valves as one has a sister with a mitral valve and the other just visited his ex-MIL in the hospital after she got a bovine aortic valve using robotic surgery. How cool!!

The other two think it's so cool that I have a valve they can hear..:p I have only had wonderful dating experiences and hope you do too! So DD, you go for it...;)
 
Hey there how do you feel about older men? My valve sounds like an old Grandfather clock that needs oil.

BTW I am 54.haha.lol

Just/ kidding

I think you are thinking way too much about what other people might be thinking. Heck, a lot of people can't even hear the clicking unless you tell them what to be listening for. If they ask when you first meet like What is that noise? I usely say what noise? I don't hear anythng. Believe me it will work 100% of the time. Of course if the two of you get serious later, He wouldn't be worth keeping around if he had a problem with it. I would send him packing quick then.

Good Luck and quit worrying.
 
Thank you guys so much for your response. I feel a little better about this after reading such wonderful messages. I don't like being alone, and after being married for 20 years to a wonderful man who passed away in 1999, it's hard to find things to do to fill my time. In fact, my MVR was a result of grief from my husbands passing. My doctor said she had heard of people grieving themselves to death, but she had never seen it until I popped a cord in my heart and it punctured my MV causing the leak. I took medications for 5 years to keep from having the surgery, but finally when my Ejection fraction got to 29, it was time to go. I guess you just expect the person you are with to be supportive during a major surgery, but when he paniced, I think I started to feel that no one was going to want to hear that ticking sound all of the time. My faith in God haas kept me strong and not allowed me to just settle for anything. I know that God has kept me here for a reason, and it is not to be unhappy. Being 46 and only having been with two men in my life doesn't give me a lot of experience, but the life I learned to live from my husband (who was 15 years my senior) will always be with me.
Just pray that in God's own time He will allow me to meet someone who will be acceptant of my minor flaw. I feel Blessed to have the opportunity to hear my heart beat. It's a sign of life for me. A life that has been spared for a reason and I hope that my experiences can be shared with others on this site who have been or are about to go through this experience.
Again, thanks
 
The second Mr Right is out here somewhere. You never know when or where you'll meet up, but I'm sure he's out here. ;)
 
Unfortunately, I think who you were with when your surgery came around was a boy in a man's body. I'm sure he was very nice, but sounds like he lacked the emotional maturity to handle the more difficult things in life. It wasn't you. Nor do you have anything that would keep a mature, loving, giving man away, and that's the kind of companion you want. Be confident (Janie - Shezagirlie, is a good example).
 
Divine,

Divine,

I agree with MelissaM. Nothing can ever altar that beautiful essense that is you. It is eternal and the right man would see that amazing spirit of yours if you were wrapped up like a mummy. Give him a chance to find you. Get out there and start doing the things that interest you. If you survived this surgery at the same time that you had to face a major dissapointment, you are a woman of strength and resiliency. :)
 
hey diva, don't worry about a guy like that. realize also realize that the insecurity you have is quite normal and is to be expected. I have posted on this site a few times just got home from my avr on thursday the 16th, with small root repair. Anyway I am glad I had someone to go through this with I have been married for bout 30 years. when i met my wife she was in a half cast due to scoleosis and having her back broke. Couldn't even tell when I met her as the fad then in ca. was the mexican pesant dresses (kinda baggie) anyway she was very cute and the typical blonde slim ca. beach babe. anyway got by the cast not that gig of a deal to me, didn't know where the relationship was going then anyway. Later after seeing each other for good while and living together. the time came when i wanted to know about a bump in her stomach, turns out she had a pacemaker since 9 years old. it was hard for her to tell me and that obvioulsy was a time i could have bolted. didn't really seam to give it a second thought. didn't know if I loved her but knew i didn't want to leave or abandon her, she was the best thing in my life and is still quite the cutie that stood on the peir and watched me surf. she has had the same insecurities that anyone would expect as she has been going through crap for ever. like i said I can't believe how strong and successful she has become and now that we have grown up together and are about 50 she doesn't care about the defects from long ago. she has raised a wonderful and successful family, has her master degree as a reading specialist, writes and teaches college courses, does seminars and teaches full time as well as more things than i can count. anyway the point is this stuff takes time she wasn't always the confident person she is now. I think it's rougher for a woman. my wife is still very attractive but every time she sees herself in the mirrior it still bothers her, but she has now moved on. that's it move on stay bust, do and achieve the things that will give you the confidence to understand beauty is only skin deep. sometimes you have to go through this stuff, in my case i can now understand her feelings although i tell her it doesn't bother i can understand now that i am there as well. but you know the bottom line is that now we don't take life for granted, have fun eat good food, drink good wine. as all others have said mr. right is out there obviously the first one wasn't right. better to know now than later down the road. you have no control over what cards you were delt. In fact when you find the guy that can over look this you can be assured that this one will stick around. take care stay in shape. steve in so. ca.
 
Karalynn summed it up: those who left were impostors, not real men.

Curious: Have any of you guys had ladies who could not deal with your heart issues?

Mellisa with a smile like that I would think you would need a social secretary to manage your calender.

You all sound wonderful to me.....Sorry, I'm taken by a wonderful woman who loves me flaws and all. I like to think I'm perfect but am told otherwise...OK flaw #1 inflated ego.
Philip
 
Back
Top