Hi Laura-
Welcome to this wonderful site. Your grandma is only 18 days out of surgery. It is major, major surgery, not like what most people have experienced. It takes a terrible toll on the body, but it is necessary to save lives.
After surgery for about a month, and sometimes, longer, the patient will not be like their old self. There will be some mental confusion and extreme tiredness, weakness, pain and loss of appetite. Some people go through a period of depression which can linger for awhile, and if that doesn't go away in a reasonable amount of time, say 6 months or so, the doctor should be consulted. There are wonderful medications for this, and it is mostly chemical in nature, causes unknown, but very, very common after this kind of major surgery.
Medications given to the patient for pain control can also contribute to the confusion you have mentioned. But pain control is very important for a successful recovery. Each person tolerates these pain meds in a different way. It might be possible for the doctor to make some adjustments to the medications to relieve some of the symptoms. There are other medications which can build up to a higher level than necessary and can cause confusion too. This is something that most surgeons or cardiologist's office can check on. I would run this by them.
As far as the bathroom issue, there are some situations which could be possible. Patients are frequently given diuretics to rid the body of extra fluid. This makes a tremendous urge to go and can't be controlled. Men can keep a small urinal nearby to use, but women have to get up to get to the bathroom, The act of getting up may take your grandma longer time than it used to and may be very painful for her. She will possibly need a hand to help her get up and steady her as she heads to the bathroom.
If she is having a bowel problem, you must discuss this with the doctor. There can be medications causing this, and also some people can get a very difficult diarrhea which needs medications to get rid of. It is not something that should be going on, and should be gotten under control. There again, your grandma might need a steady hand to help her get to the bathroom. All of the bending and flexing needed to get up from a sitting, or reclining position can be very painful for the heart surgery patient. If her bathroom is a long distance from where she is resting, you might want to look into getting a portable potty chair for her. This would be temporary in nature, but might give her some peace of mind.
If she has a small pillow to clutch to her chest while trying to get out of a chair, when coughing and other painful maneuvers, it will help to lessen the pain.
It is very common for heart surgery patients to need the assistance of another person for a couple of weeks after getting home. Just the act of taking a shower can be exhausting and she might even need help with that. Preparing meals is not something that most surgical patients feel like doing for a long while. It is just too exhausting to stand for long periods of time
Your grandma will be in better shape in a couple of weeks, but for now, she will need your family's love and constant care. She will be back to her old self, but it will take some time. She's a bit helpless right now. It's not a comfortable position for a person who has always been self-reliant, but there again it is temporary.
It is wonderful that you are taking the time to help her, she needs that right now.
Please give her my best wishes, and assure her that it will get better and tell her to keep plugging along. She has lots of friends at this site who have been right where she has been and are doing wonderfully well now.
I have helped my husband go through 3 heart valve surgeries, and 2 lung surgeries. They are all about on the same scale of difficult surgeries.
It just takes time and love.
Good luck to you dear, and thanks for caring so much.
