getting the blues already

[jax]

i haven't even had my surgery yet which is on the 28th and already i am getting the blues. i am worried that they will find something else wrong when they do my heart cath on the 26th two days before surgery. I try to keep my mind occupied but it seems as the day gets closer i get more bouts of depression. sometimes i can snap out of it and other times like last night i am thinking about it all night. So much so that i can't even pay attention to a t.v. show or a movie i have sat down to watch. i know that i am in the best hands at cleveland clinic and keep telling myself that but it doesn't seem to help at times. i am sure everyone goes through this when you have life-altering time like this and i know that this is probably normal. i am worried that if i am getting depressed now what will it be like after surgery when i am even more restricted on the things i can do while i am recovering. Anyone have any pointers on how to get past the blues?

 

[Marguerite53]

Okay, this is completely normal!! This waiting stuff drives us all nuts.

For me, I had to wait 3 years! Every little twitch or flutter kept me up at night thinking... will this feeling be my demise?

I chose to write in a journal (sometimes in the pitch dark), just get all the fears out on paper. Never re-read much of it, the effort was just meant to calm myself.

When I finally knew when my surgery would be, sat down and wrote letters to each of my children and my husband. They are still tucked away in my dresser (although after 3 years post-op, I might want to say different things -- maybe I should peak at them!) Anyway, I felt SO much better after I had written those. So much. Like my heart was so full and needed to express itself and then nothing else mattered that much.

The other thing I did was to knit about a hundred scarves!!! Really, for me, just that monotonous exercise was so completely calming.

Recovery is not depressing!! It (for most of us, I think) is life affirming! Sure, it takes patience, and it can be pretty uncomfortable and frustrating, but if you have people around you who want to help it can actually be very nice!! (watching everyone do your work for you!!! )

Your cardiologist or general doctor can recommend a counselor or therapist or support group for you. You should look into that if you think it might help. Don't be miserable. Talk to your professionals.

Best wishes.

Marguerite

 

[Braveheart]

jax- Hey, it isn't easy!!!

I am in a somewhat similar position as you, except for the fact that I am waiting for a date to come to CC.

Eighteen years ago, with a diagnosis of incurable cancer, I took my best shot, and underwent a bone marrow transplant. When I thought about it, I realized a few things. Since not having the procedure would result in certain death, I decided to look at the advantages of the procedure.

The first thing that entered my mind was, "interesting". This was going to be just about the most interesting thing that I would have encountered in my entire life. I learned just about all I could about my disease, and the treatment, and found the entire situation fascinating.

Now that is not to say that I never had my "moments". When I did start to get a little nutty, I would play a meditation tape, which would calm me right down. I used a few, but this was my favorite:

http://drmiller.pinnaclecart.com/index.php?p=product&id=3&parent=0

I think that because of that experience, I have little fear of the AVR.

 

[MissMelis]

Hi Jax

I'm sorry you're feeling down
Though I don't recall feeling this way myself - I can certainly understand why one would!
I certainly think you are entitled to feel sad, it's almost like a grieving period in a sense...and good that you are aware of it so that you can do something about it.

Perhaps consult your GP or cardio and see if there is anyone you can talk to? I am sure that they have seen this before!
Though it may sound hokey, sometimes when I am feeling overwhelmed I just close my eyes, take deep-deep breaths in and long slow exhales. I find sometimes it just centers me.

I am sure there are other folks here on the forum too who have gone through what you have, and they will likely have better advice than me
But just know that you aren't alone, it's OK to be down - and it really does sound like you're in great hands in Cleveland.

We're all here for you, and you're going to come out just fine!

<big hug>
Melissa

 

[Tbone]

Anyone have any pointers on how to get past the blues?

Start planning your celebratory vacation, and focus on everything you have ever wanted to do. Of course extreme sports are out. Heck plan a good fishing trip to take with your friends, and make them carry everything.

I hope everything goes well for you with a speedy recovery. Good luck & God Bless.

 

[bugchucker]

Hey Jax. Can't really add much, they have pretty much hit all the major points. Just wanted to add my support. You truely are going to be great, the CC is world class. That said, the waiting game is the worst part and fear/anxiety are normal emotions, though not fun. For me exercise (walking/light jogging) was my best medicine. Like Tbone said, start planning your celebration!

Hang in there.

Best wishes
Phil

 

[pnwcoast]

Hi Jax,
I waited a bit over 3 years I think it was, before I had a Mitral valve repair.

And yes, sometimes I let myself think of all the bad things that could happen but I looked at what would happen if I did'nt get it fixed. I decided I really wanted to get it fixed!
I knew the cardio and the surgeon were top notch and the surgery itself had been perfected to an art. So I felt kinda ok with the procedure.
Still, I was a tad worried to say the least. It's hard to give that kind of control of your life to others.
Faith in the Drs. and staff they are pros at this. Trust in your body, it will respond after the procedure, it will be fine, better even. A family to support you is real nice and of course us here on the board too.
I really believe the hard part is just getting to your big day.

Also ,when they do the cath, if they find something else to fix, you want them to fix it while they already have you in the shop!

 

[Ross]

Of course extreme sports are out.

If you think that is in anyway going to deter me from looking and chasing pretty women, your dead wrong. I don't care if they beat me with an aluminum bat. It's worth it to me!

 

[Ross]

jax the cath is more information for them. It's not going to show anything worse then you already know about. Relax as much as possible, treat yourself like royalty until then, then throw one heck of a party once you've recovered.

 

[WayneGM]

What you describe is quite normal. It was hard to keep my mind sufficiently occupied with TV, movies, or reading. It was too easy to drift back to worry and despair. However, at the prompting of my son I got engaged in a computer strategy game called Age of Empires. I'm usually not one for video games but for some reason I found this one engaging (and addicting) and that really took my mind off the real world. It helped me through the recovery, too. I eventually got my real life back and I stopped playing. It's probably not for everyone but it worked for me.

 

[terryj]

My husband had his AVR on 9/11/01. Our anniversary is Nov. 9th. We always take a gambling trip for our anniversary. He asked me about 2 weeks before his surgery if I had made our reservations yet. I told him don't be silly you won't be able to travel by then especially a seven hour road trip. He made me make the reservations and i thought well I can always cancel them. He never got depressed before surgery but I sure did. He only got depressed one time after surgery and that was because he threw up in front of our 5 year old granddaughter and that really made him feel like he was an invalid I guess.
By the way, we went on our trip to Tunica,Ms. He drove and we just stopped more often so he could stretch. I guess he could have been more worried than he let on before surgery but he never let me see it. Like he always say, he doesn't have to worry because I worry enough for everyone in the family.

 

[jax]

that's what i am like i worry enough for everyone..i guess i just got worried because the copy of a letter that was sent to my PCP said that i was at risk for coronary artery disease also and i looked up my cholesterol numbers and by the looks of it is high. how much do the cholesterol numbers fluctuate does anyone know? i know i have to eating more fruit and i have started to do that already but except for that i thought that my diet was pretty healthy. but you would never know it by my numbers.

 

[catwoman]

Jax:
I went through some of the same anxiety and blues you describe.
I found the best way to get past this was to "fast-forward" myself through to the post-op period, when I would be over the hurdle of the surgery itself and on the road to recovery.
There's always those "what if's" before surgery, and heart surgery is even more so. When I decided to banish those "what if's" by remembering that many, many people had had OHS and were the better for it, I relaxed and was at peace.

 

[Kim B]

Dang it, I had a long post ready to go and managed to wipe it out when I tried to link something. The condensed version of that is that I was already on a low dose of Zoloft for concentration and anxiety and recently upped it to the full amount prescribed instead of breaking it in half. Depression is so very common before and after OHS, so I want to head it off if I can. I think that is helping me stay out of depression for now, but I have changed somewhat emotionally. A week ago I poured my heart out in my "Emotional Ramblings" post (thanks Ross for deleting that ). Writing my feelings out and getting excellent feedback from the folks here helped a lot. The main thing I've noticed lately is instead of staying comfortably numb, which is how I've strived to live for far too long, now I've become uncomfortably numb.

The 28th can't get here fast enough!

Oh, and I think the suggestions above for distractions (video games, excercise, hobbies, trips, etc.) and mediation tapes are great ideas.

Your cholesterol may be genetic and not related to your diet. The good news is there are excellent medications that can get it under control if it is an issue. As far as fluctuations in the numbers, I don't know unless not all the tests were done after fasting. If you have never before had a cath, it may seem far more scary than it really is. If there's a blockage, it can be fixed while you're "in the shop" as pnwcoast said. I like the way that was stated!

 

[Ross]

May be at risk is not the same as at risk. I've had high cholesterol levels my whole life and so far, my arteries are clear.

 

[netmiff]

jax, you're normal - but the way we cope differs with each person. I have "chronic recurrent major depressive disorder", and am on meds for the rest of my life for it. I got my GP to up the dosage about 3 months prior. A few weeks before, I got him to give me some sleeping pills, too - sleep has always been very important to me, and I just wasn't getting any!

One thing that helped me was realizing that the hospital I went to performed these surgeries as routine, day in, day out, and that they probably did more valve replacements in a week than my local hospital did appendixes in a year!

Anyway, I found myself the week before surgery cleaning out every closet in the house like a maniac - and that is just not me! I don't know whether I was just trying to keep busy, or was tidying up in casse I didn't make it and someone else had to go through my stuff (my MIL had passed away the day before I heard my "sometime" had turned into "now", and she lived with us, so I had had to go through her stuff, and the experience was still fresh in my mind!)

Anyway, the point is :
1. Do whatever you need to do to keep as sane as you can
2. Talk to your doc, a little anti-anxiety or anti-depressant is not the end of the world!

 

[jax]

they had taken blood although i didn't eat anything i did have coffee with cream and surgar while on the drive to the clinic because they didn't say i couldn't.