Getting Stronger Lisa Lee

[Lisa45]

Just to let you all know I am alive and kicking! I might bee little but I will go down fighting! hahha
I so appreciate all your thoughts and prayers they are felt and I can never have enough. The hardest part is just staying in bed as it is boring! I am feeling better today than I have in a long long time and I am excited about the new "American Idol" starting tonight. Sad that my life is guided by T.V. show's at this point. Oh well, things could always be worse. Always believing that if God brings me to it, God will bring me through it!
Has anyone else noticed that sometimes your friends on the BB are more interested than your everyday friends? It reminds me of when we lost our daughter, for a while friends disappeared I believe it is easier for them to avoid the pain and seeing us was a painful reminder. What do you all think. Are any of you going through that same thing? Interesting and something to think about.

I did find out yesterday that I will know a week from today whether I am listed or not for my double transplant. Two years has come down to 1.28 I can't hardly stand the wait so trying not to think about it. Have been through the full evaluation twice so if you have any questions feel free to let me know.
Hope to be on more and keep getting stronger.
Love
LisaLee

 

[Guest]

Lisa,

It's good to know you are not going down without a fight .

I'd like to say the same thing about me...but, sometimes, I wonder, partially because of the issue you brought up about the friends.... I had so many Emails (and calls and a few visits) while I was "out" (aka in the hospital and couldn't do anything) that made me feel good. And yet, now that I'm home...it's been frustrating seeing friends make other plans...or not be around as much...etc.... Guess I sorta feel abandoned...and yet, that isn't exactly fair either...since, as you eluded to, the friends may not know how to handle this....and I also know they have other priorities than me..... Hmm...tough to put the feelings into words...but, I'm right there...right now .

Peace...Always,
Cort Stevens...Elgin IL...pig's valve & pacemaker-enhanced 29/swm
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[Lisa45]

Friends Avoidance-To Cort & Others

Friends Avoidance-To Cort & Others

Cort,

Look at it this way. First they don't get it. It isn't that they don't want to get it, they simply can't. Think about it, unless they have walked in our shoes, had so many I.V.'s they lost count, so many scares, hospital stays blah blah blah it all starts running together to them. It would be like me trying to explain to anyone that has not given birth what giving birth is like. They can try to picture it in their head but unless you have laid on that table and pushed that baby out you just don't get it. It is the same thing.

The other issue for them is that are scared. If this can be happening to us someone their own age it forces them to face their own mortality, and that is a very very scary thing for them. So, it is easier to just avoid it. Some of us are lucky and there are a few out there that are exceptions to the rule. Maybe God has given them great empathy or compassion but that is rare.

Know this much your not alone, I think that this is something we all go through.I am right there with you. My own daughter avoids talking about it. Not becuase she doesn't love me but because it scares her. My best friend is no where to be found (she is busy with work!) I know better. You make time for the things you care about. Yet I know she loves me, but she doesn't know how to handle it.

This is a hard pill to swallow and if I live to be 100 I will never really have it all figured out. So I just quit trying and have learned not to try, God knows and that is all that matters. But I do hear you..Loud and clear!

Lisa

 

[Guest]

Lisa,

That is so true....they don't get it. And, what is more frustrating, is that, since people like us have been through something like this, we know not to take life for granted.... And yet, at least in my case, it seems like those same friends are taking me for granted now...saying, oh, you're home and better, etc. As I mentioned before, I'm not blind...I know they have other priorities...it just...well, arg...doesn't seem fair.... It's one of those "catch 22"s, I guess....because I don't want people to think of me as "needy"...and yet, at the same time, it'd be nice to have that same type of attention I got right before and during the surgery (while I was in the hospital, etc.) right now.....and yet, that even sounds selfish . Arg....guess there is a fine line...that I have yet to decipher .

And, I know they are scared, too. Heck, I had a few friends tell me since I got back home that they avoided me the few weeks before the surgery because they wanted to "distance" themselves in case something happened. I cannot blame them for this...b/c I can't say that I'd be different, tho I'd like to be different than that.... And yet, well, I understand..... As for being home now, I know some friends are avoiding me because they know I can't do much right now...and, quite frankly, I guess, in a way, I don't want people to see me like this.... Aye....I hate irony .

And yes, a bitter pill to swallow. I talked to my best friend the last few days, and she said that I need to let people "come back around" to me....because, if they really are friends, they will come back around....once they see that I'm fully recovered...and once other things in THEIR lives are better.... I know this...and yet, well, had too many "non" friends over the years "drop" me...that, I just feel "dropped" right now...and it hurts .

 

[epstns]

Cort, Your final remark hits one I'm familiar with, even though I am still here "waiting" for whenever my surgery must be. Over the years I have made and "lost" too many friends to count. Most of them would drift away anyway. It is just a rare few who are really always going to be there. They may be a bit distant now, because they do not know how much you need or can accept from them yet. Perhaps some gentle effort on your part to communicate with them may bring them back to realize that they can still be part of your life. Give them a try -- let them know when you're ready to begin re-entry to their world and see if they can gently come back closer so you can begin getting on with your life, too.

Hang in there. We will be here for you, too.

SteveE

 

[Ross]

We are a diverse group of "touched" individuals. Things that have happened to us have made us this way. I really don't have anyone that comes around anymore. I guess I bore them to death. The ones that I thought were friends, were not, so no loss there. Unfortunately, I have become somewhat of a recluse and actually like it this way. It gives me time to focus on what is really important and to watch the foolishness around me. It's amazing what people take for granted. For those, I hope the brick never does hit them, but the way they go about life, it's going to sooner or later. I hope their prepared. You certainly can't tell them anything because "You don't know what your talking about" or "Your too old to understand."

 

[Granbonny]

Friends

Friends

Ross..Why do you need friends when you have me? Bon Bon

 

[Ross]

I don't know Bon, perhaps it's my hidden alter ego?

 

[Guest]

Steve...thanks for the tip/advice....another friend suggested I do something similar (reach out to others) by thanking them for their support, etc..... I am doing that...but, very slowly.......

My "issue" (not sure of the correct word here) is that I've had a few people that I thought were friends...to whom I "opened up", etc....and then found out later that they never were interested in being friends with me in the first place. Yes, I know...everyone is different...and I can't let a few "rule" my outlook....but, as my best friend Heather told me the other day, one of my "defense mechanisms" is to "test" friends...once people start to get close, I sorta push them away and/or give them a chance to contact me....as a way to "prove" how true they are....which can get me into trouble.....aye...it's one of those vicious cycles that I hate...lol.

Ross....your words hit home a bit too much....if only b/c I feel I've become a "recluse" myself. My best friend Josh died in 1987....9 months after my last open heart surgery...and 2 days after Christmas...from an asthma attack. Since then, it has been very hard (I admit) for anyone to get "near" me....a few have mastered it (including my best friend Heather)....and yet, the "defense mechanism" I referred to above....seems to hinder other friendships.... But, I know it's something I have to work on...and I am....trying, anyway....especially after all of the Emails, etc., I have received over the last few weeks....it has been absolutely amazing to realize how many people really DO care....and yet...frustrating at the same time that something like open heart surgery has to happen in order for me to realize this....which sends me right back to the "take things for granted" speech...lol....gotta love cycles .

 

[Granbonny]

Ross Babe

Ross Babe

When was the last time you saw your dentist? Cort..Lisa..Anytime yall want to chat..e-mail me.. Hubby calls me the Mouth of the South Bonnie

 

[hensylee]

Lisa - anybody facing lung transplant is seriously ill and when our loved ones are seriously ill, we don't know what to say, how to act, are we bothering them, do they want us to come around if they don't feel well. I remember my dear Joe's friend who was seriously ill and Joe waited and waited to go see him as he didn't know how to act and was afraid he would not hold up, but he finally went and didn't know how to act and didn't hold up. But when he (Joe) became seriously ill, he tried very hard to understand his loved ones being in that same spot. It is hard to see the people we care about in pain and suffering and nearly nobody knows what to say, Inevitably, tho, when we do go to see them, the words come, maybe some tears too, a lot of empathy and a bunch of guilt because we are well and they are not. It is terribly hard for you and also for your friends. But if they only knew that it would be so easy once they get to you, they would come. They just don't know. And you can't tell them. I am sure you are so tired of your bed and watching TV all the time. I see my brother, who is homebound, and the way his life has changed for him. His lifeline, more or less, is his telephone. Why not call your friends just for a short chat. That would help you some. And would let them know that YOU have not forgotten THEM. And there is always us right here, all the time, day or night, every single day. Not the same, I know, but we are here. God bless.