Funniest joke I've read in months...

[dwfreck]

Everyone,

I got the following in my e-mail today, and now I'm glad I postponed my surgery, because I laughed so hard I would surely have re-opened my chest if I'd been post-op.

Attention all you post-opers! Grab your heart pillow before you read this one .

This struck me as particularly funny and clever considering the post Ross put in about Jon Blake Cusak of Holland, MI naming his son Jon Blake Cusak 2.0 (http://www.valvereplacement.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6442 ), and the fact that I'm a software developer AND a husband.

Any way, here's the joke, in the form of an exchange between a software user and technical support:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0, and NBA 3.6. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate


Dear Desperate:

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: "C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME" to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. Remember, though, that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly 10.8. Whatever you do: DO NOT install Mother-in- Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

 

[RCB]

Upgrade

Upgrade

As Desperate will soon learn- when the stack excedes capacity
it will default to a recursive subroutine named BITCH 1.0!
Notice no new versions of subroutine needed.

 

[Raverlaw]

Pretty funny!

Chris Crawford -

Maybe you can put away the lawyer jokes for a while and tell us some engineer jokes?

 

[Ross]

Re: Upgrade

Re: Upgrade

As Desperate will soon learn- when the stack excedes capacity
it will default to a recursive subroutine named BITCH 1.0!
Notice no new versions of subroutine needed.

You hanging in there alright Dale? Been kind of quiet lately.

 

[Nancy]

Very funny, ROFL

 

[dwfreck]

Ross,

Yes, I'm hanging in here. Thanks for asking. This past weekend was my son's seventh birthday, and the week before that was a Cub Scout Father/Son cake bake (and I thought the Pinewood Derby preparations were hectic!), so I've had plenty of distractions. I also got past a mental block on a project at work, so I've been cruising ahead on that during working hours. Next week will be a big challenge, since I have surgery on Friday, but my wife will be out of town Sunday through Wednesday.

 

[ccrawford]

Three Engineers were discussing the world's most significant inventions. The German engineer said it was Gutenburg's printing press "Mitout the printing press we would not have books and learning- Ya - it's got to be Gutenburg." The Italian engineer says " I tink its Marconi's radio. Without the radio we could not have space travel, modern entertainment, wireless computers. - Its gotta be Marconi. The Cal Tech. engineer spoke up. "I think its the thermos - without the thermos, we couldn't keep our cold drinks cold and our hot drinks hot. The other two chimed in and said "so what" Cal Tech replied "How does it know ?"

 

[Johnny Stephens]

That was hilarious, Dale.

A business manager, an engineer, and a computer programmer are carpooling to an important meeting, when their car blows a tire. After pondering their situation for a while, the business manager, sitting in the backseat, opens his briefcase and begins doing some paperwork. "What are you doing?" the others ask. "I'm requisitioning a new tire," comes the reply.

More pondering by the other two. The engineer, who had been driving, pulls out his slide rule (I know, it's an old joke). "What are YOU doing?" he is asked. "Well, I'm calculating some important parameters for the new tire I'm designing."

'NO, NO, NO...move over!" Shouts the computer programmer.

"Why?" asks the engineer..

"I'm gonna try it again."

 

[SHerrin Hutt]

This was just to Funny
I've got to get my husbandto read this!

Sherrin
Valve repair 5/99
Valve replacement 3/02

 

[Rain]

Engineer Jokes...

Engineer Jokes...

Chris,

I can help you out here! My oldest son just graduated as an engineer and the other is in his junior year. They've sent me some really funny engineering jokes. Here's one I saved....

Subject: Comprehending Engineers


Comprehending Engineers - Take One


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

------------------Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be

.------------------Comprehending Engineers -Take Three

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime. "The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

------------------Comprehending Engineers -Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

------------------Comprehending Engineers -Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints. "Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

------------------Comprehending Engineers -Take Six

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

------------------Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with a wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" questioned the other two. "Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

------------------Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that's cool!

 

[The Bionic Duo]

Ah Dale.......as a computer technician (who spends a lot of time ugrading software) I've gotten that one sent to me several times, and I laugh like crazy every time I read it.

Rain

Those are pretty good engineering jokes got to show them to my husband--he was a Telco engineer for many years and they were always exchanging engineer jokes. HE HE.


Joan

 

[ccrawford]

Rain - Thanks for the help. Those were keepers and I'll use them next time one of my engineer buddies comes to visit. hope all well with you ! Chris

 

[tommy]

I resemble those remarks.

 

[dwfreck]

Rain,

THANK GOD I'm still pre-surgery! Do you know how hard it is to laugh silently because you're browsing jokes at work? Those all hit way too close to home, since my dad is a mechanical engineer (GE Aircraft Engines, retired) and I'm a computer engineer (I earned my degree from The Ohio State University College of Engineering), and most of my college friends were engineers.

Joan (or whichever half of the Bionic Duo),

I'm not surprised you have heard the joke I originally posted; I am surprised that after seventeen years in the computer industry and five years in college before that, I haven't heard that joke...