For our Down Under family

[hensylee]

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

 

[geebee]

Ann,

ROTFL. I shared this with my SO who spent a fair amount of time in Australia a few years back. Some of the stories he told me about the interesting sense of humor of the people he worked with, made this post bring back memories.

I met 2 of the men he worked with when they came to the US. Absolutely wonderful guys with a fabulous sense of humor. Must come from lack of milk, running from hippos and being subjected to too much of the Vienna Boys Chior . I was sad when they returned to Australia since we had so much fun.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[bvdr]

......still laughing! Thanks.

 

[Arpy]

Drop bears, Bunyips,

Drop bears, Bunyips,

You gotta watch out for them drop bears (and their close relation the up bear - come up from holes in the ground)....

BTW we have had the talking wireless, Black and white TV and now we can get something called colour TV in Australia but as we have all been attacked by a bunyip, drop bear or up bear during the course of our lives we dont know how to get it to work...

Russell

 

[geebee]

Russell,

Colour TV ?? Is that when you get drunk and paint the B&W?

 

[Arpy]

Russell,

Colour TV ?? Is that when you get drunk and paint the B&W?

Thats the one ... but we cant be trusted yet with a paint brush and paint (one too many variables) so we just draw on the screen with crayons...

 

[geebee]

Russell,

Your sense of humor certainly brings back memories of the Aussie visitors we had a few years back. I spent an entire week laughing constantly.

I also had a week of 2 guys opening doors for me and pulling out chairs. I felt like a queen at all the attention.

Greg (one of the guys) told me "we love our women and know how to treat them". So very true - polite and funny, what more could you ask for?

 

[Arpy]

I also had a week of 2 guys opening doors for me and pulling out chairs. I felt like a queen at all the attention.
...polite and funny, what more could you ask for?

Gina

We have to attend special chivalry / politeness courses before we are let out of the country otherwise the rest of the world would know what we are REALLY like. Obviously Greg and his mate passed with flying colours...Most of us fail dismally and have to resit the exam again and again. We keep trying though so that we can go overseas because you get sick of all those hippo races...

On the plus side I have now just received confirmation in the mail that I can use two colours for the colour TV

 

[barb]

Still Laughing

Still Laughing

I loved your post. It is unbelievable the questions people ask. When we had the Olympics here in Calgary in 1988 we got the same kind of questions.
* Will we have to sleep in igloos?
* Is it safe to be on the streets alone because of the cowboys?
*Are the Indians freindly or do we have to worry about attacks?

Take Care

 

[Abbanabba]

Gina

We have to attend special chivalry / politeness courses before we are let out of the country otherwise the rest of the world would know what we are REALLY like. Obviously Greg and his mate passed with flying colours...Most of us fail dismally and have to resit the exam again and again.

Oh how true!!! No offense Russell...... but you boys.........

 

[Arpy]

awww sheesh

awww sheesh

Oh how true!!! No offense Russell...... but you boys.........

No offense taken Anna but ....

Thats my cue to ;

1) afford you a typical male response of a short grunt [gender rather than race or nationality based methinks]

and continue to

2) read the paper / watch the TV (with two colours that is ...Black & White) / insert other male type activities of your choice...

 

[Harrybaby666]

Oh My God...This was Just Too Funny!!!!

Oh My God...This was Just Too Funny!!!!

Hensy, Anna, Arpy,

You all sure know how to make someone laugh....this was just too funny....hopefully, I will laugh this cold/flu right out of me...I am ROFLMAO!!!!!! Harrybaby666

 

[Abbanabba]

No offense taken Anna but ....

Thats my cue to ;

1) afford you a typical male response of a short grunt [gender rather than race or nationality based methinks]

and continue to

2) read the paper / watch the TV (with two colours that is ...Black & White) / insert other male type activities of your choice...

.......yup!......



A

 

[kurli]

Aussie funnies

Aussie funnies

Hi guys
My fellow aussie pals forgot about kangaroo racing....... seeing as kangaroos are so readily available, we can just pop on the back of one and race down the street.!!

 

[Arpy]

Additional aussie cultural icons - mmmaaaatttte

Additional aussie cultural icons - mmmaaaatttte

Hi guys
My fellow aussie pals forgot about kangaroo racing....... seeing as kangaroos are so readily available, we can just pop on the back of one and race down the street.!!

G'Day Kurli

Arent we supposed to carry them on our back whilst riding mountain bikes (as per the closing ceremony at the Atlanta Olympics)???

And we mustn't forget the Hills Hoist gymnastics or the front yard Victa Lawnmower championships (again displayed with such cultural aplomb at the Sydney Olympics) whilst wearing the ubiquitous blue singlet/ stubbies /double plugger safety boots (thongs) and the omnipresent terry towelling hat and a Winfield red *** hanging out the corner of the laughing gear.

Russell

 

[Abbanabba]

double plugger safety boots (thongs)

Oh boy!! Now you're really going to confuse the Americans.....they're going to think we run around with G-strings on our feet!!

A : )

 

[geebee]

Amy - I like the "doggy easter bunny" avatar or is my vision going totally?

Russell - I have no idea what you said about thongs and red **** but I have to admit it sounds like a rip roaring good time. I am not sure I want too many details as it might ruin the dirty thoughts I have conjured up.

I am really understanding why Greg and his mate (for some reason I cannot remember the other guy's name - getting too old to remember everything) and why I thought they were so "crazy" (in a good way). It sounds like a perfectly normal Aussie manner.

 

[kurli]

Gebee - Thats my kurli dog with the bunny ears... my mum is part of a Cavalier yahoo group and they have an easter photo competition for the dogs.
Just another crazy thing us Aussies like to do!!!