Ross
Well-known member
FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt
her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man
and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has
rested.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
----------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said,
"God, I wish I had your will power."
----------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They allsaid
the same thing: "You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Thanks again Rick!!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
--------------------------------------
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt
her.
---------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
----------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
----------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man
and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has
rested.
------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
----------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said,
"God, I wish I had your will power."
----------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They allsaid
the same thing: "You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Thanks again Rick!!
