feeling sort of guilty

[joy]

Hey guys, how are you guys? I am feeling really guilty these days. I have two kids, Ian and Erik. Well, Ian was 2 when I was in my coma, and he wondered where I was from day one. He was taken care of out here for like 2 weeks by my brother(Sid) and my mom, while my husband spent most of his time in the hospital waiting for me to wake up. Well, my mom and brother went back to MN, and Ian went with them to stay with his Aunt Dawn who was nice enough to volunteer to help us out while I was sick. She also has 5 kids of her own. Meanwhile I had to relearn how to deal with just every day life, like walking and resting and all that. He was in MN from January 15th(my husband's and my anniversary) and returned on February 9th. We used to have such a great mother son relationship, and then this happened and it's never been the same. He doesn't listen to me, he purposefully disobeys and is distructive with his stuff. He got worst when his brother was born in May, which was expected, but I think he's still got issues. I just feel bad. I mean, it wasn't my decision to send him back, but Kevin and my mom didn't know what else to do. I didn't choose to have heart disease. Hmmm, I wonder how he's going to react when his dad goes to school in San Diego for 6 weeks! ANyways, I just had to get that off my chest.

 

[Nancy]

Hi Joy-

2-3 year olds have a hard time just being 2 and 3. The terrible twos last forever, maybe even into the terrible threes and beyond. I'm sure the little guy is afraid you'll go away again and he probably loves you dearly, plus he's coping with the adjustment of a sibling, so he doesn't have any other way to deal with those feelings except in his little guy way, which is to get angry. He'd probably love some special time with mommy and cuddling and telling him how much you missed him, and maybe he can tell you a little about how he feels.

I remember my kids at that age, and now my daughters are coping with their kids at that age. It's tough on everyone, even without sickness, but that just complicates the matter.

Sending good thoughts your way, and hoping things smooth out for you and your two adorable children.

 

[Ross]

Joy, if it gets really out of hand, you may need to see someone about it. I think it's just a phase though. It may take a lot of time to get the re-adjustment.

Heck I have a "Terrible 2 going on 18" year old. I spent most of my life trying to keep him alive. Now, I'm spending alot of time thinking of ways to........ Just kidding. I hope he moves out soon!

 

[JimL]

Nancy's right; two-year-olds (and every other age) want lots of love. He will be his own individual person, whether you want him to be or not, and he wants respect for his own little individual things, not for the destruction.
Mine are in the process of moving out, which is a wonderful time as well. I just took two of them and one girlfriend (of the older son) out to eat; what a great time!
Parents grow and learn a little faster (at least as I remember it through my pumpheadedness) than children at the early ages. I still think I slipped behind in the learning process a few years ago, but they seem to be turning out all right in spite of me.

 

[joy]

It's just hard to deal with. He seems to be clingy to Kevin, and never gives Kevin any time with Erik. He won't potty train either. He's almost 4 years old. I made an appointment with his regular doctor, to talk about Ian's problems. Erik is 13 months old, and Ian should be used to him by now. He's a military child, so he's got to be able to put up with a lot of changes, like moving every couple of years, and Kevin going off to sea. I just hope he deals with it ok. I guess this is the tough time for boys, and for girls it comes later. Is this true?

 

[jenny]

feeling sort of guilty

Hi Joy, gee don't feel guilty this is something beyond your control..you didn't want for this to happen.....Yes, maybe your children were scared with mom gone , but I am sure like Nancy said if you make the time you now have with them and tell them how much you love them they will be fine....I do think it is a good idea to take your son for a physical to see if their is anything there that is preventing your son to go to the bathroom. If their is not, I think this is a attention getting thing ...(Just my own opinion from being a mom) Joy just take care of yourself the best you can ,and try to put yourself first which is a tough thing to do with children. I say this, for the gift to a child is the love of a mom and the special time she spends with them....they need you right now, so it is important that you take care of your needs first and than you will be able you take care of them.....Don't feel guilty that is just a waste of time and to draining on the body....your home doing the best you can and that is what counts...Take care, Jenny