Feeling so sad................

[EireCara]

*Well, I truly do not understand the course of my life. My biological father 'left' while my mother was in hospital having given birth to me. I grew up with my Grandparents from 3 weeks old. I 'found' him about 17 years ago, but he 'disappeared' again. To cut a loong story short, 'he' has been on my mind for months and thismorning I google him and a notice of his death, October 15th 08 came up. I feel so sad that he allowed himself to get old and die without contacting me. I feel like he has left me for the 3rd time. They say these things are sent to teach us lessons. I cannot imagine what lesson I am meant to learn from this. It seems plain cruel. If emotional pain can affect our hearts, its no wonder mine isnt very well.

 

[Nancy]

It was not about how your dad felt about you, it was how he felt about him. He may have been too troubled to offer any kind of help or even love to another person.

You have grown into a lovely and loving woman in spite of this.

In time you will forgive your dad. I am sure he never meant to hurt anyone. He was hurting too much all by himself. May his soul find the peace he never found in life.

I am sorry for your loss. God will help you through this difficult time.

 

[Eva]

Dear Jacqui,

I am feeling sad reading your short note. Please try to give him 'the benefit of the doubt'. He may not have been able to give you what you need and had his own troubles.

I agree with the last sentence...and feel the same way. My heart ihas ached a lot during my life, but life goes on. If this will help you, I always consider my father is our FATHER who art in Heaven...my biological parents were just to bring to the world, but my soul and heart belong to our Father up there.

Pray for his soul, talk to him some times, and again give him the benefit of the doubt.

I shall try to email you what our Dear Bina sent to me...beautiful email that put tears in my eyes as it elated my soul and spirits.


(((Hugs)))

 

[geebee]

Jacqui,

I am so sorry for what you have lost and what you never had. Try to keep in mind that it is the challenges in life that help form the person you are today. We never have enough time with our parents even when they are with us every day. Hopefully you can take comfort from any good days you had with your dad and forgive the bad.

Something like this makes the time we have left to spend with our loved ones so very precious. Perhaps you can thank your dad for making you more aware and grateful for what you do have.

Sending hugs and prayers that your sadness lessens.

 

[Tbone]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. The only lesson I can think is that time is short and we should cherish the time that we have. Everybody has their own crosses to carry, and maybe your father had too big a cross.

God Bless

 

[Bina]

Jacqui, the best thing that you can do is try to make peace with this.
It is because of your Dad that you came to exist in this world, and be thankful for that.
He gave you life, but must have had many troubles of his own......

 

[Lisa in Katy]

Jacqui, My guess is that your father was very troubled, and perhaps selfish. I guess the lesson for you and all of us is not to let our self absorption get the better of us, which is unfortunately what I think your dad did. In his own way, he probably thought he was doing what was best for you. Nurture your relationships with others because in so doing, you make your own life better.

 

[Marguerite53]

I am sorry for your sadness. There have been so many beautiful responses to you so far, I hope that they have brought you some peace.

My mother is 86. When she was 5, her father died. She led a very tumultuous life with her mother and younger sister and step-father after that. Very poor. Moving around all the time. No stability. She has always borne the loss of her father as the great burden in her life. What might their lives have been like had he not died so young. I think it really has haunted her and weighed upon her. Yet her life, now, is so long. She has been an adult for 65 years! She has had success and happiness, yet she still mourns this loss, this void in her life. I cannot relate to it, but I try very hard to be tolerant and respectful of her feelings.

So I sense that you, too, will always question this and know that you really may never have any answers. That is hard to accept, I'm sure.

We are all made up of so many different kinds of families. The traditional family -- mother, father, child -- does not exist that much. Perhaps never did. But family can be strong; however it is characterized. I bet you have experienced and work hard to create strong family. It sounds like it, anyway, in your words. I'm sorry that your biological father was not able to find a place in your family. If you work to keep your family strong, then, you will honor him, because whether he intended to or not, he helped bring you into this world. That has to mean something, whether it is clear to you or not.

Best wishes. Hope your family here has helped you feel better.

Marguerite

 

[EVELYN]

Hi Jacqui
I'm so sorry to read your note. On the good side, the lessons you learned from your Dad were strength in yourself and appreciation for those who took care of you. You would never do that to a child/grandchild of yours and believe me, that's a huge strength.

Who knows what his reasons were. From what you've said, I'm sure his issues were overwhelming to him. Consider it his loss because it truly was.

Evelyn

 

[Mary]

Condolences, Jacqui, on the loss of your dad. It doesn't matter how old we are, or what the circumstances are, it hurts when we lose a parent.

 

[Cooker]

Sorry for your sadness ... hugs....

 

[njean]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're so sad Jacqui & I send my condolences on your Dad's passing.

Whatever happened in the past Jacqui, that's just it, in the past......let it go & move on with your life instead of tormenting yourself on the "what if's" or "I wonder why".

You're a wonderful & loving person & have so very much to offer others so don't feel sad anymore --- live life!

 

[lovejoy]

Jacqui,
I went thru almost exactly the same thing. Parents divorced when I was just 3 months old. To my knowledge, never laid eyes on my father. I spent my life, until I was 45 searching for him. I finally found him, in a cemetary ! I was absolutely devasted .... I will always question and wonder what if.
However, I had a miracle happen about 2 months ago. I recieved an email with my fathers name in subject line, my heart starting pounding, my hands shaking...
About 10 years ago I had posted a query on Ancestry with his name, looking for family members. His niece, my cousin, had come across a letter in her mothers possesions after her death, so she typed his name into computer and pulled up my remark. Sent me an email, and now I have family. Had thought all of my fathers family to be deceased and was thrilled to find that I had "someone" out there.
Your pain will never go away, but the questions and the hurt will get easier to bear.
Good Luck

 

[WayneGM]

Sorry to hear of your loss and sadness.

 

[BDMc]

Dear Jacqui, I'm just sending a hug. Your valve brother, Brian

 

[zipper2]

Jacqui,my condolences to you,prayers and a HUG to you
This too shall pass,don't allow it to haunt you the what if's
or the could of's,
{{{HUGS}}}

zipper2 (DEB)

 

[EireCara]

I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone for your kind and comforting words. (((((HUGS)))) x

 

[escargome]

Jacqui,
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. But you must remember that sometimes parents can't live up to the expectations they have for themselves. My husband's parents divorced when he was 5. His mother then put him up for adoption because after she re-married his step-dad did want him around. John was never adopted but did keep in contact with is biological mother. During this time she kept putting thoughts into his mind that his dad was "no good" and hated him. Well to make a long story short, after being married to John for 20 years I started looking for his dad, only to find that he had passed away. Well, I put his name in the Ancestry.com page and someone contacted us. He has a half brother and he had been looking for him. We met and it was during this time that John found out that his dad had been heartbroken that he couldn't get any info to find John. His dad had been an alchoholic, however for the last 15 years of his life he had become sober and his last wish was to find John and try to make amends. So, just keep in mind that maybe your dad didn't get the chance to speak with you. Try to forgive him and see him as just a man with clay feet. God Bless You

 

[Andrew'sMom]

{{{{{{Tight Hugs}}}}}}}}
I'm sorry for what you are going through. Things will get better. I can relate to your story.