feeling low

[fcarter]

Hi everyone,
Went to see my doctor today for the prep. refill and was told that I probally will be on most of my med. for the rest of my life. Will that was a sit back for me. I'm 6 weeks post op. and was looking forward to coming off some of the med. Maybe I'm just bitter and should be grateful that I am here and can type and complain, but I was told by my card. that I would only have to take my blood thinner for the rest of my life. That was hard to take today because I would only take pain med. before if it was absolutely necessary. I never believed in a lot of med. Now with the wanting to smoke sensation and this news I am feeling a little sorry for myself and I know I shouldn't. Sorry to vent on you nice people. I hope I'm not the only one feeling this way because normally I'm am a positive person and today I feel rotten. My surgery also is healing quite slow but my doc. says that it is normal considering my situation. I am aslo going to be off work for at least another 4-6 weeks. I know I am not ready for work but having a doc. verify it doesn't help me feel more positive. Oh well maybe I'll feel a whole lot better tomorrow which is another day right. Thanks for listening.
Faye

 

[Nancy]

Hi Faye-

It's pretty normal to be feeling down after heart surgery.Most people do. It's a major trauma to your system at first, and then there are some lifestyle changes.

Once you get over the initial shock, things will fall into a routine, and like any new thing, you will become accustomed to the new you. You will also learn to love the new you, because it is the new and "improved" new you. Where would you be without this surgery? Years ago, when this wasn't possible, most of the folks here, wouldn't be here.

I know what you mean about taking meds. One of my daughters is an avid non-pill taker. She always hated to take any kind of medication, and especially hated shots. She didn't even like to take aspirin for a headache. She's still that way. Fortunately, she's very healthy. But when she was a little girl, she used to hide her vitamins all over the house. I found many of them in the built-in planter, LOL, after she had grown up, and revealed her secret to me. Wondered why those plants flourished in that planter! Found a few others in chinks in the mortar of the fireplace stonework. She was a little devil. Funny enough she's become a tough mother to her two boys. She'll have none of that stuff with them. I laugh every time she tells me about the two boys.

Faye, if the depression you are feeling now doesn't lift in a reasonable amount of time, please ask your doctor about it. I know you would probably hate to add even more medication, but there are very good antidepressants available. I think quite a few people here are taking them.

Best wishes.

 

[Georgia]

I'm sorry you're feeling down

I'm sorry you're feeling down

Hi, Faye! Nancy is on the mark, as usual. You need to realize that you're not very far out from an extraordinarily traumatic insult to your body, particularly your poor little ol' heart.

Admittedly, the valve is better and you're starting (I repeat - starting) to heal; but the whole body's involved in this procedure. Therefore, the whole body has to come back.

I think the second month is probably the most difficult emotionally. You feel better but are still so limited physically that it's depressing. It's OK to feel bad; we all do. And many of us have needed help with antidepressants and there's nothing wrong with that.

If you need medication the rest of your life, so be it. It will add to the quality of your life. You'll digest your doctor's latest proclamation and go on from there.

Just understand that you are a stew of chemicals and hormones and anesthetics and all sorts of junk from the surgery; and until it's all sorted out you'll have some bad times.

Feel free to continue to talk to us and ask any questions you might have.

 

[Bill Hall]

Faye - Sorry to hear you are having a down day. This is Ok, since it happens to everyone. You are a positive person and will be on top of the world again soon. I haven't followed here recently, so don't know why you are out of work for 10-12 weeks. I really enjoyed being out of work for 6 weeks, since it gave me opportunity to do some things I would not have time for. My wife took time off from work and we spent needed time together. I wish you a quicker recovery and some projects or ideas to stimulate your mind, so you can enjoy the time off. Good luck and have a great day tomorrow.

Bill

 

[JimL]

Please feel free to vent all you want. When you vent, all the feelings go outside, they're not bottled up inside.

I don't know what meds you're on. My card was pushing pills at first as well. After a while, he starting taking me off. I was going to be on Lanoxin for life, and then he told me to stop. He kept pushing Altace, which I never did start, and he finally told me not to take it anymore, which I haven't.

 

[Kevin M]

Hi Faye.
The others who posted before me say it all.
It takes a long time to stablize emotionally from surgery. Some of the meds in your system can take months to get out of your system. Your body has been through some pretty heavy trauma and it takes quite a while for it and your emotions to grasp what has happened.

I always wanted to be "pill free" also, but after my surgery, they told me they had to throw some dacron in to fix a surprisingly dialated aorta. Although I am not on coumadin, I do have to take low dose aspirin daily along with some other unrelated pills. At first I hated it. I felt like I somehow was not as strong as I wanted to be or something. Over time, I have grown accustomed to it.

I know exactly what you mean by doctor's who tell it like it is without considering your emotional state. They just don't seem to understand. How can they unless they went through it themselves. That and the fact that they are probably desensitized by seeing so many patients in the same boat probably makes them appear a little less respectful of our emotions than we'd like them to be.

Try to keep your chin up. As you are well aware, there are good days and bad days - both physically and emotionally. Both will continue to improve slowly over time, but it can take a while. It's hard to be patient. I know for me, I didn't start feeling "emotionally normal" for many months.

Keep trying to stay positive and like Jim said, make sure to keep talking and venting these frustrations out. It's like sanding wood, the more you do, the smoother it gets.

P.S. I will be out to your fair province in June. I used to live in Dartmouth when I was a kid. I am so looking forward to going back for a visit. You are lucky to live so near the ocean.

Kind regards,
Kev

 

[mike anthony]

Hi Faye, not much to add to what already has been said. I have never been a pill taker and before this heart ordeal I was very healthy and the thought of taking pills...didn't like it.
But the bright side, I would rather take my pills and stay away from the operating room. We all get down once an awhile and yes..the doctors don't understand. That's what so great about this website. We have all been there and understand, so if you are down and want to vent you go right ahead. We are here to listen. Take care.

 

[Lorraine]

Hi Faye,

I ditto what everyone else has said. It takes quite a while to heal emotionally. I never was on anti depressants.

I too was never a pill taker. I hate haing to remember to take pills. I try to stay in a routine now for taking them. I take hormomnes pills in the morning, asparin and vitamins after breakfast and my Coumadin when I get home at night about 7:30pm. Weekends screw me up sometimes or if I come home early for a doctors appointment, then I have occasionally forgot to take my Coumadin. Thats the one I worry about the most! I posted a permanent sign in my bathroom by the mirror stating "TAKE YOUR COUMADIN". That was just a month ago. I'm two years post-op so I'm still learning about how to manage the pill situation!


I do think having PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) helps a lot! We have all tended to feel blue at times and feel sorry for ourselves
post surgergy but remember that each day you are getting stronger and stronger! Before you know it , it will seem like a dream and you'll feel a lot better than you have for a long time!
Keep posting and venting to us because that helps too. Just knowing you can tell us here, who you know can relate to how your are feeling, helps!

I'll keep you in my prayers!

 

[fcarter]

Thanks everyone
It really helps knowing that I'm not going crazy. Sometimes I feel that way. I have been feeling a lot better mentally the last 2 days. My husband has taken me out site seeing and visiting which has helped a lot. Having the love and support of family and friends really does do something for your self esteem. The support from all of you is helping more than I can say. My family keeps reminding me that they are just glad that I am here and not to worry about the amout of meds. that I'm on, just has long as I'm here with them. So the postive attitude is returning again for another while. Thanks everyone for your words and support.
Faye

 

[hsilvers]

Hi Faye,

You and I must have just passed each other at the QEII. I had my valve replaced there about 5 weeks ago (March 26).

I'm on the coumadin too, every day. I am surprised that you physician did not tell you ahead of time about the need to be on the pills. I hope that he did explain the benefits to you. It now only prevents blood clots that could appear with a mechanical valve, but it is also a great stroke preventative.

I know it is a pain, but I think of it as giving me an advantage so that I don't have to worry about the other problems.

Today, finally sunshine has broken through, the birds are popping up everywhere, and it is really going to finally become warm. Now you can take your walks in nice weather - and every day is getting better.

Maybe, I will see you walking around Halifax and we can take our walk together and commiserate. You are the first other Nova Scotian I have seen on this board.

Take care - and I know you will feel a little bit better with every passing day.

Harvey

bi-cuspid Aortic valve replaced
with a Medtronic Mechanical
QEII Hospital
Dr. Idris Ali
March 26, 2003

 

[fcarter]

still on 5th

still on 5th

Hi hsilvers
We didn't really miss each other because I was still on the 5th floor just being awaken. So we were both in the hospital at the same time. My doc. did tell me about the advantages of the med. but is just sat me back a little with the thougts of takin them. My doc. says that I'm in denial about my condition. She thinks it is because everything happen so fast for me. I go to see my card. this week and will get more info. then. Did you experience any bad dreams on thoughts. I was to the point that I didn't know fact from fiction. I did talk to a minister at the hospital and he was the one that said it was the meds. I was scared to tell anyone about them. Just wondering if anyone else experienced that. Thanks for your reply. Maybe we'll meet at the card. exercise group or some meeting sometime. Take care Faye

 

[Ross]

Faye the drugs do a real number on you. Hallucinations, bad dreams, things that seem very real that are not real at all, etc. I think we've all had them. Some discuss it, some don't want to talk about it.

I awoke from a bad dream and called the nurses all to ask what a unit of measurement for gasoline was in Canada. I kept telling them that I wasn't a Canadian and I couldn't remember how to ask for a gallon of gasoline. I was looking for a liter. Bizarre stuff.
That was one of my more subtle dreams. I had some real nightmares that I still don't like talking about.

 

[hsilvers]

Faye,

I was in the QEII from the 26th to the 1st of April - so we must have just passed one another.

Don't worry about the dreams. I have been having all kinds of strange, crazy, and unusal dreams - they are fewer now but I am still having them. I wouldn't call them terrible - but some of them are really wacky.

Who is yoiur cardiologist? By the way - from the posts many others have made - I would guess that both you and I are certainly doing much better so far than a few others who have gone through this. This whoe thing is especially traumatic if you have never had any surgery or major illness before. I just try to look at it as a new experience - and don't be afraid to ask questions or talk about any aspect of it.

Like you - I am finding the encouragement and information and experiences of others to be most helpful.

Harvey

 

[fcarter]

info. on dreams

info. on dreams

Thanks for the info. on the dreams. I know now that it is normal but at first I didn't and it was quite scarey. So for anyone my suggestion is to talk about them no matter how silly or scarey they are. I talk about them to my family, sometimes they laugh at me and sometimes they don't, but just to have them listen to me makes all the difference in the world.
My card. is Dr. Gregor and my surgen was Dr. J Woods. I really like my card. he is very mild mannered and understanding. That helps me a lot. The only thing is the wait to see a specialist. My family doc. is great but there are somethings that she cannnot answer so I'll have to wait to see the card.
My progess is coming along. Today is the first day in 7 weeks that I have been by myself. It is making for a long day but I am enjoying the time alone. Don't get me wrong I can't wait for my family to come home but it is still nice to have that alone time. They were worried about me being alone but things went well. My children called me from school and my husband from work just to check in with me. The family support should diffently be there in order to pull through this .
Thank you all for your support also. It is wonderful to know that your are not in this alone. Take care.
Faye