Chickening out?

[Leighanne]

I am scheduled for PVR, tricuspid repair, MAZE procedure and a procedure to decrease the size of my pulmonary artery 3 weeks from tomorrow, May 11th. As it inches closer I am not sure I can do it. Part of me wants to just live the way I have been, tired and run down for as long as I can so that my son (severely autistic and epileptic) can have as much time with me as he can. I worry only about what would happen to him. Any thoughts?
Leighanne

 

[Raverlaw]

Leighanne,

There have been a number of threads since January of this year on this very subject. Do a search about chickening out or postponing surgery and you will get a good idea of how most of us here feel about that concept.

In a nutshell, your son NEEDS you. The risks of the surgery are minimal, and you will recover quickly. Afterwards, you will be able to spend higher quality time with your son and meet his needs more completely. Without the surgery, you will die, and your son will be alone. I know what choice I would make....

 

[Bill Hall]

Leighanne - How can anyone blame you for chickening out. I had no symptoms, but had to go through the surgery because the drs told me it was the right time or else. Your son will be better off when his mother returns from the hospital with a healthy future. Good luck, the surgery is not as bad as you would imagine (however I would not volunteer to go in your place).

 

[Karlynn]

Leighanne,
Your child is the reason to do this, he is NOT the reason not to do it. My mitral valve went "south" while pregnant with my younger child. I spent the next 5 years feeling like hell. Then I had my valve replaced. I wouldn't be alive today if I didn't have my valve replaced. I cry at every milestone with my children, plainly and simply because I never thought I'd be seeing those milestones. Your surgery is the gift you give your son. It's the example you set for him, to show him that despite fear, you push forward to make life better. A courageous person is someone that does something inspite of the fear, not without fear.

Your recovery won't be fast, and it won't be a cake walk, but it will be better than what you are feeling now. And when you are recovered, you'll look back and shake your head at the thought you had about just "living with it" and spending the time you "have left" with a son that needs you for many many years to come, not just the next few.

You've lived with feeling horrible and so has your son. Give the both of you a wonderful gift and get this surgery done. It will be the best gift your son gets from you.

 

[catwoman]

Leighanne:

When I saw a cardiologist last April 29 and he said I needed valve surgery, I told him I'd have to wait until the end of the year, that I had a personal project I needed to finish (timed for the end of June) and my niece was getting married 10/18.
He told me, "I don't think you can wait that long." That scared me.
By the time I got a 2nd opinion, it was June 6 and my condition had deteriorated to where I could no longer work without extreme exhaustion. I went on short-term disability at that point. I asked the cardiologist I saw that day how fast I could get into surgery.
Sure, I had some fears about the surgery, but I had more fears that I wouldn't make it without the surgery.
I wanted very much to live, so I decided there was no turning back, that I had to go through the surgery.

Obviously, you want very much to live. You have a child.

One of the things that helped me immensely was thinking ahead past the surgery -- This time a week from now I will have the surgery behind me, 3 weeks from now I'll be recuperating, 8 weeks from now I'll be back at work, 6 months from now will be Christmas Eve (my surgery was 6/24, so Christmas Eve is a 'monthiversary' for me) and so forth. Fast-forwarding myself was very positive for me.

Good luck! I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Nancy]

Dear Leighanne-

Please go forward with your surgery. If you wait you will be taking chances that something irreversible could happen which might damage your heart beyond repair. Remember that years ago when surgery was not available, people died from their heart conditions. Now these are fixable things.

If the doctors are telling you that it's time to get things done, then they must see some deterioration in your heart condition. Putting it off could be disastrous.

This is your heart we're talking about and you need it to be in good working order. Your heart is the pump for your body, as it gets worse and worse, it will affect all of your body organs, and things will start to gang up on you, causing many systems to start failing.

It's OK to be scared, but go ahead and take care of business anyway.

I'm hoping you'll do the right thing.

 

[Susan BAV]

Hello Leighanne (I love that spelling!!!) -

I hope it makes you feel better to know that most of us were frightened. Last fall, I thought I had a few, or several, months to schedule in my aortic valve replacement and I thought it would be practical financially to wait until the new year, 2004, so I could meet my new deductible and do follow-ups all in one year. My husband and I consulted with three different surgeons, however, and the third one wanted to do an angiogram. That made excellent sense to us. Well, the angiogram results in late September were: surgery needed in weeks, not months! Well, I was still thinking... January is just twelve weeks or so... that'll work and I can do this and that and this and that to prepare... Then the surgeon's office called a couple of days later and said, how's next Tuesday! Tuesday?!?! I felt sick! I told them I'd call them back and I called my husband and he was more clear on the necessity of getting it done and over with than I was but I bought one extra day and settled on the next Wednesday. So, I had about one week's notice. And I remember feeling terrified! But I also remember thinking that I'd really NEVER be willingly ready for it. But I'd done quite a bit of research and I knew it was necessary or I'd die. Period. Those were the options. And, Leighanne, if you are symptomatic right now, you will probably be amazed at how much better you will feel after you have recovered post-op!

Also, not to be too morbid, Leighanne, but dying from a bad valve is terribly unpleasant. It is also terribly inconvenient and terribly expensive.

I have two sons, in their early twenties. They don't need me anymore in the way that your son needs you. But it was horrifying to me when I thought of leaving them (in death). (My dear husband too, of course.) Life is too wonderful to just let it go. Hang in there.

Best wishes, ~Susan W

 

[hensylee]

Hi, Leighanne - guess what? You can put it off if you want to but you will eventually have to make the decision about this, anyhow. Nobody can do it for you, neither decide nor have the surgery. All is up to you. You might read 2hartsasone threads. Victor has backed out three times and he really isn't better - but he IS worse. And his prognosis isn't promising. Only your doctor can tell you the consequences of delay, not us. Look into that and make a good decision. And think about it - if you are not well or not here, your son won't have you anyway. Love to you -
Ann

 

[Kevin M]

You are no good to your son if you are dead.

It would be terribly unfair to him if you were not there from him because you were afraid of having a life saving operation. In my opinion, it's the same as suicide.

It's entirely normal to be frightened. These procedures are terrifying for some of us.

Just know that it is not as bad as it sounds and you will notice enormous improvements in your condition very shortly after the procedures.

Try to relax. Many find the more they know what to expect, the less fear they experience.

It's excellent that you are asking questions like this and sharing with this forum. There are so many helpful individuals here and they care! I don't think you can go through an operation(s) of this magnitude and not have an increased respect for life and how precious it is.

Please try your best to relax and think this through. Take baby steps. You do not have to learn everything all at once. The more you know, the better equipped you will be to deal with all this.

Remember also that there are a pretty large number of people here who have gone through this procedure and those who have not made it - well, personally I dont'know if there are any. If there are, the number is pretty low.

There are a lot of people here who have gone through similar procedures to yours and I am certain most all would report back that their lives have changed for the better by huge amounts.

Keep talking and sharing your feelings here. It's important that you work through this. It's normal to be afraid. There would be something wrong if you weren't.

You'll get through this just fine. Deep breathes and try to relax and break it all down into tiny steps. It will be easier for you.

Stay strong!
Kev

 

[Ross]

Your not going to make me send "The boys" over to make sure you get taken care of are you?

 

[Karlynn]

Your not going to make me send "The boys" over to make sure you get taken care of are you?

If it were me, depending on what "the boys" looked like, that might not be such a bad thing.

 

[punkin32180]

I was in your position in Febuary of this year. I had my surgery done on Feb 26th and was so scared that I nearly wanted to run away. I am only 23 years old and to be faced with this was hell. But these people here on the VR.com gave me so much hope and I even talked to one on the phone and trust me things are so much worse during the waiting period then they are after. Things will be so much better once u get this done. I was only in the hospital for 4 days when I had this done and I was hurting maybe a total of 2 weeks and now I am walking 3 miles a day and I feel great. Trust me, you need this or your doctor wouldnt suggest it. I hope you think this through and get some fears taken care of. Good Luck!!

Jaque

 

[Leighanne]

Leighanne the Chicken

Leighanne the Chicken

Thanks for the replies, I hope they keep coming to give me the push I know I would need. Did the rest of you not sleep once you had a date set and sleep less once the day got closer? Was it hard to go to pre op then home and back the next day? Do they let you take xanax in that time?
Thanks again for the help
Leighanne
P.S. Did I miss the joke, who are "the boys" and are they cute and will they be kind enough to come drag me in their tight blue jeans, black t shirt and cowboy boots all the way to Boston? Yes, I am a country music fan!

 

[Karlynn]

Leighanne,
If need be, we'll get those boys in tigh blue jeans and boots to drag you there. OR Maybe a promise of them coming to take you home from the hospital after your surgery.

 

[hensylee]

Leighanne - ain't none of it easy...........you might lose some sleep but that's better'n your life or health, don't you think? Sure, everybody has been scared. The moment I walked through those doors that early one morning, it was completely somebody else's ballgame. I was free and they had to take over and do it all for me. And wasn't I glad later on. You will be, too.

 

[punkin32180]

They gave me Ambien to sleep the night before surgery cuz I knew I would have trouble sleeping so all u gotta do is ask for soemthing... Even they might give you something for the whole week before...

Jaque

 

[ccrawford]

Leighanne - we were all scared to death when we first found out about the prospects for surgery. Each of us reacted a little differently, but in general, the more you know about this stuff, the easier it is to accept it and move on to a positive solution. I'd encourage you to ask as many questions as you can and try to verbalize your concerns. There isn't anything you can ask that someone here can't answer.

 

[Ross]

The Boys

 

[hensylee]

the one lookin straight at us looks like he means business - so guess you better straighten up, Leighanne

 

[Glenda]

Leighanne, everyone is right. You need to get it done not only for yourself but especially for your son. He needs you around.

Hensylee, it does look like these young men are looking straight at us, doesn't it? Neat picture Ross!

The only problem if they came after me, it would take all six of them to carry me. LOL I'm a rather large woman!