Can memory loss continue? (long sorry

[Lulabelle1]

Hi.
I need some help.
I was recently evaluated at work, and received a less than satisfactory rating in my view.
At least 3 times in the evaluation, my superiors noted that "She is not as sharp since return from last medical leave.
Her physical & mental resilience is not equal as previous years. The drive remains, but not as she previously was." When I confronted my boss recently (the evals are given in writing in advance to discussion)he told me "there is something wrong , or not right with you....you are not as sharp"
I swear, if I hear that "as sharp" comment another time...I'm going to blow!!!
I was so upset about this....but in a way, it was more upsetting, because they may be right. I had my surgery in 2001....on the ole by-pass machine and heart pump for nearly the 72 hr. time limit. My heart would not restart & I was left open for almost 3 days. I had a terrible time with memory after this. The math in the head days were suddenly gone. I underwent a complete personality change (I now tell one where the Bear deficates in the forest)... seem to argue at the drop of a hat... and seems my memory AND my comprehension of conversation, ability to read & follow instructions has failed & IS still.
To top things off,in March 03, I took a very hard fall off the back steps & displaced the inner ear fluid/salt crystals, went to work anyway, then commenced to blow the hearing in the same ear straining while lifting 90lb buckets of ink. & was on med leave once again for 4 months.(did I mention 2 broken ribs too?) I had weeks of therapy for the extreme vertigo. I am permanently deaf in the left ear . The tinnitus & ringing is constant
I was accepted back to work with a 7 LB weight restriction for another 3 months. I was unable to do part of my job...and my employment tried to ignore this restriction by putting me in the position of having to do it because I was the only one. I had to write a written reminder and copy my superiors & our HR dept before it stopped.
It seems I listen careful enough with my good ear...but what is said simply doesn't "sink-in " It doesn't help that a co-worker is undermining me for fear of his job (they have had several cut-backs of long time employees 25-30 years+ !) I did not think that anyone could notice....but a close friend has affirmed that something is awry with me. My husband knows I've been complaining of this problem....but swears he doesn't notice any changes. I feel I'm either being "set-up" for the next cut-back in the work force,and they are using the poor evaluation to merit future decisions.My productiviness or quality of it has not fallen. My husband feels they are only trying to break my spirit...but I am really wondering. I don't return to the cardio until April... I have had to use my nitro a couple of times for chest pains...my husband is not aware of this...he'd freak. When the memory thing was brought up to Cradio in the past he said it was all in my head. I'm telling you, I am struggling, and i don't want to admit it, nor do I know what to do.
In 2001, after 14hr surgery, I had 4+ bypasses, and a mitral valve replacement . I have CAD, SVT, MVR, HBP, lower half of heart damaged from MI. I am SOB since surgery (cardio says Im ok) and still have very sore chest breathing deeper than a regular breath, trying to get comfortable & sleep in laying position. I have to have a pillow pressed on my chest.
I take digitek,coumadin, verapamil,toporal, soma , premarin, 81 mg asprin, occasional hit off nitro bottle, 49 yrs old F.
Am I nutz? I need some answers fast....my eval discussion is later this week. I fear the stress of this situation is gonna put me over the edge...or back in the hospital.
Lulabelle .

 

[Bryan B]

Lulabelle,

Hopefully people with more experience will come along to answer some of your questions, but I imagine being on the heart-lung machine that long can affect your memory. I can empathize with what you are going through at work. I have been sick since June (turns out I had endocarditis), and now I'm waiting to have surgery. Things at work are pretty tense right now. I don't have any advice on how to deal with it because I haven't figured out how myself. I'm just hoping that after surgery my health will return to normal and things at work will do the same.

Hang in there!

 

[Nancy]

Hi Lulabelle-

Welcome to the site. I'm the one who led you here. Sundays can be a little slow, but I'm quite sure you will get quite a few answers. You can also do a search on the site for memory or pumphead which is a term that some folks use referring to the short term memory loss from the bypass pump that's used during OHS.

I think you'll find people here warm and caring and very friendly.

Hope to see you here often.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

Welcome Lulabelle,

Sorry to hear about your continuing problems. Your plate is FULL!
It sounds like you may want to seek a second (and third) opinion from your Primary Care Physician and *another* Cardiologist.

Memory and cognitive loss is gaining more attention and a few answers so hopefully you can find a more 'informed' and 'forthcoming' physician.

Regarding your work situation, I recommend keeping a Journal (AT HOME) documenting any and all 'incidents' and keep copies of all written evaluations or warnings.

Best wishes,

'AL'

 

[Tony]

Hi Lullabelle,

Sorry to hear of the rough time you are having at work.

You state your productivity and quality has not fallen. I would think this is the the most important thing in an evaluation.

Emphasize these positive aspects when you talk with the evaluator.

Not being as sharp as before is a subjective opinion and could probably be said about anyone, anywhere.

Try not to let them undermine your confidence and hide the fact that you continue to be a valuable employee.

Good luck

 

[Bill Hall]

Lulabelle - Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I also had my surgery in 2001 (age 47 then), 11 hours plus 4 1/2 hours on the pump. It seemed like there was no impact to my intelligence or sharpness. But my chess rating went down for about a year, so I wondered. Fortunately, it has rebounded and is near highest levels, giving me confidence that everything is intact, in fact I did very well this weekend. But your surgery seemed longer and more difficult. And you noticed some impacts yourself. I would ask your doctor for some legitimate way to prove your competance (mostly to prove it to yourself). I would also start thinking about a new job or transfer. You may be suffering a comparison to your old self and a new setting can provide a way to prove you are a productive and active employee. But most of all, don't let the stress kill you. It is important to see you doctor when chest pains occur. Keep a positive attitude and I hope things go well for you.
Good luck.

 

[bvdr]

Hi Lulabelle,

Welcome to this site. I 'm sure sorry to hear that you are having continued problems with your memory and "sharpness".

It seems your most immediate concern is this job eval. conference this week. I pick up from you that it is not only the distress of seeing an evaluation that is less favorable than those you are used to seeing, but that the evaluation may be accurate.

You were on the pump a very very long time and it seems to me the type of problems you are having could well be related to that. Another possibility could be an adverse reaction to one of your medications or possibly even a small stroke at some point. When you see your cardiologist you might ask him about that. You may even ask about a referral to a neurologist if you think your memory and thinking capacity is really affected. Start keeping lists of things to do.

I'm sure it has entered your mind about what to do if it is a permanent condition. I hope it isn't but there are others on this site who for one reason or another have had to go on disability or change the type of work they do. I would keep copies of everything (including your evaluations) just in case you need them at some time. It may be handy to start keeping a diary and name names and specifics for anything that comes up.

If you think they are unfairly evaluating you then it is a different story. I don't know how you could best handle that.

I really hope you improve and this will soon be in your past but if it doesn't, life can still be meaningful and enjoyable.

Please let us know how your conference goes. I hope to see you often around here. The best to you, Lullabelle.

 

[Guest]

Lulabelle,

While I'm not in the exact same situation in which you find yourself, I certainly can empathise...I'm in a familiar situation right now.

After excellent reviews year after year, suddenly within the last few months, according to my current managers, my "performance" is not exactly what they expect. I am awaiting my 2003 review in the next few weeks.

Over the course of the last few months (since returning from being out from surgery the 1st 2 months in 2003), I am aware that my work has been "investigating" my sick time. On top of that, as I mentioned, suddenly, how people "perceive" me and what I do is not "up to par". I am very frustrated and am currently looking for a new job...perhaps even a new career...or maybe attempt to get back into what I studied in college. We shall see.

The best advice I can give to you at this point is to "hang in there". Yeah, I know...hollow words. However, "hang in there" my keeping a smile on your face and as positive an attitude as possible....especially while at work.

As those of you who know me on this board, about 1.5 years ago...I was not a "happy camper"...somewhat depressed and in general did not have a very good "outlook". During this time, my job was wonderful.

Now, I have my good attitude back and suddenly my job makes me want to sleep all day...LOL. I'm doing my best not to "think about it" and keep the chin up (as they say) and keep smiling through everything, but even I am not liking having to put on a "fake face"....

*sighs*

Good luck and stay in touch.

Cort S, pig valve & pacemaker-enhanced 30/swm
AIM=fc72mc...YIM=knightfan2691 / "The Uniter"..."Mr Road Trip"
member & newsletter editor, Faith COB = http://www.faithcob.org
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[terry40]

Hi Lulabelle

Hi Lulabelle

I agree with Betty, maybe you should think about going on disability, you've been through quite a lot, and it doesn't sound like you've totally healed yet.

The memory loss is a side-effect of the heart lung by-pass machine, I still have moments of slowness/forgetfulness.

You can also let them make you part of the next "cut-backs" collect unemployment and in some states the have job training, as an incentive to get off unemployment, learn a totally new career where previous memory is needed.

Keep us updated,

Terry40

 

[Mb]

Hello!

It sounds like your plate is full. I am so sorry you are having these problems.

My husband (2 years out from his double valve replacement), has complained more recently about his "fogginess". Yes, it is noticeable. His Dr. has recommended a pacemaker (long story), and thinks that might help with that issue as well. Recently I read on the net something about congestive heart failure, and "mental status", cognitive deficiency, as noted as a symptom. Hypoxia of the brain, I guess. For my husband, it is transient. Sometimes he has it, sometimes not. Add to that, the "pumpheadedness": from being on the bypass machine....well, being a bit "foggy" or not "up to par" seems like it might be expected.

They can test you. I might suggest you call your cardio, get in to see him (nitro!!!), and tell him. Make him take you seriously.
I wish you well.
Marybeth

 

[Georgia]

Pretty subjective???

Pretty subjective???

For most jobs, evaluations should be objective. Therefore, if you're completing the requirements of your job in a timely manner and not running naked through the streets or threatening your fellow workers, that's what you should be evaluated on.

I think your paranoia may be well- founded. If they are indeed in a downsizing mode, they'll certainly try to find ways to get rid of people for cause. Even if they have to make up the cause.

Now - if you can do the job, you are probably protected to a certain extent by the Americans with Disabilities Act. And I certainly wouldn't be adverse to mentioning it if you feel threatened.

Are you able to do your job without being as "sharp" as before? If so, they can shove it. You probably aren't as sharp as previously - lots of things can affect certain mental processes (I have a certain amount of aphasia since chemotherapy many years ago); and being on heart/lung most likely is a problem. However, I notice that with the laundry list of drugs you take, you may be slow due to some of them.

Anyway, we're firmly in your corner. Protect your legal rights (do what Al says - document EVERYTHING); if you love your job, fight for it; and be realistic in your assessment of your own job performance.

I hope things go well.

 

[carbomedic]

Lulabelle,
I am there!
I do not need to have someone else tell me I'm not the same since my AVR, I can tell myself. One of my strong points at work has been my ability to muilti-task. That is definately a frustrating think of the task. I try to write stuff down as memory tags but I wander to other priorities.
It is scary to be over 50 and lose whatever competitve edge you may have.
Man, I am there.
carbo

 

[medtronic of borg]

tests

tests

I would suggest finding another Dr....in neuropsychologist. Explain everything you told us and ask for evalution. He will prob. put you through a battery of written tests, to check memory and definately should run a cat scan or MRI of your head. Besure to bring up your insurance situation so he can get approval.

Good luck and I understand.

Med

PS the ringing in the ears is prob d/t high doses of antibiotics.

 

[SHerrin Hutt]

LULL

LULL

Wecolme. I can see myself in every sentence you wrote. My kids have a special word for my memeroy problems and they call it Sherrinis I have hard time trying to say what I want to say sometimes. It get lost form my brain to my mouth. I am being tested soon my aa neurphycoloist. And I have forgot how to spell a balance my check book. I am on SS disabilty too! My last school I worked for gave me so much grief because I was sick I finally had a Laywyer write the school board letter if they ciontinue I was going to sue for harrsement. Good luck. It has haappened to us all.

Sherrin Hutt
Bool Pressure problems started in 1992 age 40
First stroke in 1992
Valve repair 5/99
Valve replacement 3/02

 

[ccrawford]

Lulabelle - Sorry you are having a tough time of it. Most of us can relate to at least a little of your post. I tried a game of chess 8 days post surgery. I got thru it, but it was really tough. I would agree with the suggestion that you talk to your doc about a series of tests with a psychologist. They will document your condition with a series of tests that will be objective. Then, if you decide to apply for disability, you will have much of the hassle out of the way. Our best wishes to you. Let us know how you are doing. Chris

 

[Harpoon]

Hmmmm....


Well my first "advantage" is that I spent most of my "stupid time" on leave and my cognitive function had improved a lot since getting home from surgery when I was back to work.


Yes, being on bypass can cause problems like short term memory loss and other "minor" forms of brain damage. You'll recover from most of it over time, but the severity of the effect being on bypass tends to dictate how much time it will take for you to recover and it may not be a full recovery. You may have also lost some muscle strength and fine motor control depending on your immediate recovery. About a month or so after my surgery, while I was still in the hospital, I tried writing a letter to my wife. I filled have a page with handwriting and set it down to take a nap. A day or so later I went back to it to finish the letter, I could barely read it! The lettering was so tiny and packed together I couldn't make out more than a phrase or two. I knew what I had written in general, but I couldn't tell you what it said word for word. I couldn't draw for a long time either and that was really frustrating because I'm an artist. When I got home I started playing my 'cello on a regular basis again (I do that too) and that took a LONG time to come back. I had all the muscle control I needed, but absolutely no stamina to play more than a few notes before my arms started burning from the work.


You should also consider other factors. You went through a VERY rough surgery and recovery. It's a life-altering experience and whether you're aware of it or not, your life has changed and your personality makes some changes with it. I've done that here too. It's subtle, but my wife picks it up easily enough and other family members can point to some things that have changed since before I had surgery.

I was on bypass for maybe 8 hours or so, but I spent another 5 weeks on a vent and I was under heavy sedation for as long a period. I was right on the edge for a long time and it definitely had an effect on who and what I am now.


You can ask your doctors about it, maybe get a second opinion if neccesary or you don't like the answers you hear.

Disability might be an option for you, however it might be more problematic than it's worth. You may be better off seeking a legal advocate or at least talking to the Department of Labor...

Yeah, that can be serious.

If your employers are talking about shifting your position based on a medical condition, or leave of absence they need to show that your ability to do the tasks your job requires has been diminished significantly aAND they need to play you in another position with equal pay and benefits. You can't be fired or demoted or otherwise "punished" for a loss of ability. Your employer has to accomidate your change in status or ability unless you've done something that warrants censure or termination (ie, going postal in the mail room.)

In the immediate, ask questions about their evaluation of your performance. The evaluation should be a two way street, both you and your supervisor(s) should be discussing it, you shouldn't be put in a room where people just talk to you and you have no say or chance to respond.

Ask why they feel the way they do about your performance (good or bad) and ask or suggest changes that can be made to improve your performance if neccesary. if all they want to do is talk about how "bad" you are doing and put your down for your losses due to your medical condition, then it's time to seek out information form the labor department and possibly find legal representation.

On a personal side, your might also ask your doctors about working with a therapist that can help you address your memory loss and changes in personality... If it's as significant as you've suggested, there may be things you can do to "undo" the changes... I should also add that some of what you've mentioned, may actually be stress related.

A lot of people here (including myself) have noticed some significant changes in personality and tempterment before and after surgery that's just from the stress of everyhting that's going on.

My body just wouldn't do what I told it to the months before my surgery. I knew I could do things, I knew i had the strength and the coordination and everyhting else that it took to accomplish certain tasks, but I just couldn't make my body follow through with what I wanted. That and the loss of energy and my voice and the stress of having to attend to certain obigations wihtin my family regardless of my condition were VERY hard for me to handle and it had a VERY short fuse for the longest time.

When I got home it was better, my family recognized that i needed time for recovery and worked to keep what I needed to take care of to a minimum. Arrangements were made for my toddler son to stay with his grandparents during the day when I might be home alone with him and I was given lots of opportunity to rest and recuperate. I had a LOT of freedom to do what I wanted, what I felt was best for me, and it helped a great deal with my recovery, both physically and mentally.

Make sure the people around you (like your husband) are doing that as best they can for you. You need time to recover, longer than just healing up your sternum or other broken bones and such, you need to heal mentally too and that takes more time. You can't just jump right back "into the game" after surgery, you really do need some time to process everything that you've been through and kind of "center yourself" again...


Best of luck to you!

 

[LA_Cruiser]

Sorry to hear about your 'condition.'

I'm 14 month post-op (aeortic valve mechanical replacement) and am going through severe short-term memory/mental abilites.

I can't even finish composing this short reply as I can't even find basic words I normally udes ("-used," this is happening to me frequently including numbers).

Just in case start working on 'plan 2.'

Keep us posted

God Bless

 

[bethanne]

Lullabell,

I was curious as to the outcome of your review?

One of the hardest things for me is having to make adjustments to my lifestyle.

I have two daughters in college, when they were young I enjoyed being very active in their school and other activities. My youngest daughter is 13 and she had a very busy schedule this weekend. Student Council sponsored student dance as well as drama competition. I was at her school some on Friday night to help decorate for the school dance and I limited myself to cutting out paper figurines, things that would not require too much physical activity. I only stayed for a little while and was feeling guilty that I didn't do more.

But I know is that what my daughter needs is me and my time. When I push myself too hard I am miserable and that is no fun for everyone.

Lullabelle, it sounds like in your post that you know you are having a harder time with your job. I would like to believe that God may have something else for you. Trust Him and begin to seek an employment opportunity that will be more condusive to your talents and abibilities. Sometimes when we feel like a door is being closed It is actually a door being opened.

Sincerely, beth

 

[Lulabelle1]

Hi everyone....thanks for your thoughts & suggestions.
I went in to my eval consult & turned the table on my less than considerate boss. I walked in to my private setting with him & leaned over his desk in intrest & confidence & didn't let him imtimidate me, or skip a line on my review. I questioned EVERYTHING, and asked for specific examples for every mark I disagreed with. There were two marks in particular I wanted changed (not that it would help me maintain my flawless record, but it was the principal)
He had absolutely no answers or particular instances, and beat around the bush, tried to loose his replies in paragraph after paragraph of himself sounding superior . He'd talk & talk & try to get off the subject....and I did not let him get away with it. He also fumbled around saying he couldn't remember "why" he had chosen such a grading! He then admitted he had been alittle harsh....and I asked for this to be noted by him on the comments page....and he did. He led me to believe that these two gradings would most likely be changed to my benefit....I was sooo wrong. The next day his reasoning was that by changing the two gradings, it would not change my actual rating....so there was no need to change anything. He never really once mentioned my memory.....and his reason for my non-sharpness was "just his observation" and he had no direct instances he could specify.
So in other words...it was just a bunch of bunk, and his way of reminding me that "he is the boss" and that "he is in power".
I had given him proof (on paper) that between my co-worker & myself.... that "I" was doing 90% of the actual work. He was in disbelief of the actual numbers, and could not dispute my records. But it still got me no-where. Although since this discussion, he has backed off riding my case. So maybe some good has come from it. ...and my co-worker has gotten off his duff.
I will continue to document the snide and inappropriate comments ...as I was once again referred to as the Queen B....and oh yes...one of you gave me the description of the Queen Bee's job in the hive....and I printed it & gave it to him directly after he called me that....and when he was done reading it, he just chuckled ....
and I said,
"the next time you refer to me as the Queen Bee....BOW!"
I was then tagged as a "ball buster"! Can you believe this guy?
All my worry that "my failing memory" had been found out...was simply a statement to help lower overall company costs
(no raise) and an observation of an *****.
Thanks everyone, for your empowerment & guiding replies.
Lulabelle

 

[Abbanabba]

Congratulations Lulabelle for standing up to your boss and not letting him get away with his nonsense. I'm sorry it didn't quite have the desired effect, but well done for making him accountable.

Ball buster, or not, you are an inspiration!!!

Anna : )