butterflies come/butterflies go

[fisher6476]

Having finally gotten a date for the surgery and learning quite bit from this group I had been telling myself and others that I was now pretty comfotable with my situation. Then yesterday I get the "preop" package from my surgeon with instructions to report to the hospital for preop blood work and meeting with nurse for education. This is several days before the surgery. I am sure this is no different than it is for lot's of people. And in that package was the disclaimer that there are no guarantees and that of course there are many things that can go wrong. So today I had "butterflies" all day. So much for being pretty comfortable with my situation. Thanks for letting me vent a little here, I feel better already.
Steve

 

[Nancy]

Hi Steve-

They always have to tell you those kinds of things, about what could go wrong. It's just standard stuff. But you know there are no guarantees on any kind of medical procedure. You choose the best person to do the job, learn as much as you can to keep yourself safe, and then let it go and let a higher power take over.
You have to get this done. So it's sort of out of your hands.

You will be fine.

 

[Ross]

It's amazing at how you feel when the actual plan is set in motion. I felt like launching off of the planet and running as far as I could away from all of it. Believe it or not, when you get into the hospital, the fear subsides alot. Ya gotta put your faith in God and let go. Whatever will be, will be and there isn't crap you can do about it. Just get ready for a heck of a ride.

 

[Kenny F]

Well said, Ross. I actually visualized running away from it all. I don't have a habit of doing that, but this one really gets me from time to time. BUT - I am caught up short by the futility of the run (as if can run now anyway!). Doc says mortality rate at three years out from symptoms is, well, HIGH if not certain. So I put away my Nikes until the next episode.

Steve, I feel we are going thru parallel emotional universes. Except at times my butterflies have 6 foot wingspans! And the next minute I feel wonderful.

I understand but cannot offer too much to overcome it, except it is a chance for a longer life. I don't believe we get more life if there is no reason. You need to be here. Focus on the outcome, not the process. I figure that there is no escaping the pain & indignities about to be put upon me, but I can cling to the promise that I am not alone.