Back unfortunately

[HeatherT]

Hello again to the wonderful people here....

Been so calm and expecting nothing to change for a long time. (wishful thinking on our parts)

Friday at the Cardiologists they did the 3rd echo and the decision has been made that my husband (Bob 44yo MVR Spring/03) should have his surgery before the end of the year. We of course were rather shocked and are now trying to quickly make a number of decisions quickly. He is fighting it tooth and nail, because he feels so good right now. From what I have read here, I think this is a normal reaction for him for now.

I am again working on learning at a very high rate of speed, and trying to communicate all of this to him. He doesn't want to hear about all of this from me. He flip flops though. I went through and read to him some post surgery posts (both good and bad) trying to help him see that this is life changing, but from what has been shared survivable by both of us. Good to know what is coming. He isn't a big fan of reading, so I get to read to him. The tough part is ... I don't know what he needs to hear. So I am reading as much to him as I can and getting his comments. I will share his comments as I can. Am I being to accepting of all of this? He sees me as pushing him and pressuring him. Until Friday I would quietly read or do some research a little at a time. I did not expect the changes at all much less significant changes that are making the situation more urgent now and at such a busy time.


We leave on Monday for South Carolina to see our #4 child graduate from Marine Corps Recruit Training, and the next week our #2 child gets married. We are hoping that scheduling will be flexible enough that we can in fact do this and enjoy some form of Christmas. Ha ha just our luck? The good news is we will have all of our children at home week after this and can enjoy that. Funny kids... #2 wants us to wait until he is back from his Honeymoon. We laughed and told him it all depends on the surgeons and would have to take what we can to get what we want and need.

 

[HeatherT]

oops forgot

oops forgot

My point in posting (and i do have one)

I work, full time. A good thing right now. How much time should I be expecting to have to take off from work to ensure proper care, and for my own emotional stability?

Nothing is scheduled at the moment we have to start that Monday Morning and while we are on the road to SC.
I am just curious what I should tell my employer, and what I can expect for myself.

Thanks again...

 

[fyrfytr]

Hey Heather,
Sorry to hear that your husband has to go thought this again. But I think you are doing the right thing for him right now by keeping up on the posts here. I wish you both the best of luck and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
As far as how long to take off, I think that will depend on how his recovery goes. My wife was off work for the week of my surgery and than the first 2 weeks I was at home. I hope this helps you out some.
Take Care

Dave
_____________________________
Surgery: 4/21/03
Aortic Aneurysm Repair
AVR, with a St. Jude Mechanical

 

[Ross]

Heather try to get him on this forum. He's understandably in a sort of denial, but remind him of how good John Ritter felt and how suddenly he was gone! I know it's not the exact same problem, but my point is, you can feel absolutely great and be a walking time bomb. The longer this gets put on hold, the more damage is being done. The idea is to stop the damage before it's irreversible.

We haven't lost anyone yet, so that in itself is a testimony to how successful heart surgery has become. If there is anything you need, emotional or whatever, let us know. That is why we are here.

Taking time off-- Tell your employer that you'll need to make use of the Family Medical Leave Act. Get them prepared to have your open spot taken care of until you get back to work. You'll need to take 1 week off upon discharge. If you can take 2, that's even better, but 1 is sufficient. You'll have to be the judge about any additional time off because you already know that day of surgery and most likely the day after, you'll want to be with him and not at work. See how things go and go from there.

 

[Karlynn]

Like Ross, I'd encourage your husband to start posting here too. Let me also say that the better/more normal you feel going in to surgery, most likely the better and quicker your recovery will be. I was very physically drained going into surgery and my recovery was sooooo slow. If the doctors are saying he needs to have it done by the end of the year then it does sound like there is some urgency involved after seeing his test results.

Best of luck making all the decisions you need to make.

Karlynn

 

[Nancy]

Hi Heather-

Sorry to hear that your husband is facing surgery sooner than both of you expected, but at least it won't be hanging over your heads any longer, and he'll have a wonderful start on the New Year.

Many, many people on the site have mentioned that they had few if any symptoms. It's always a terrible surprise to hear the doctor say that it's time to fix you up, for people who have no symptoms. But the test results tell the tale. It's there in black and white, no "liar, liar pants on fire", it's a true thing. For some, the heart compensates for inadequacies by enlarging, and that is not a good thing. That's why some get few symptoms, but there is a limit to that, and once the enlargement gets to a certain size, the heart can no longer compensate, and sometimes permanent damage can result. So getting surgery done when the doc say it's time is the best policy so that your husband can have a chance at a good quality of life. Waiting and hoping that it will go away just doesn't cut it when the heart is concerned. It's not going to go away. It will only get worse.

My husband did not have the luxury of no symptoms. The first replacement he had, he passed out and it was an emergency situation, with the second and third, he was so debilitated all he could do was sit on the sofa day and night. He couldn't breathe lying down, and he could hardly walk to the bathroom.

As far as you being the one who does all the research, you've got some company on that score. There are a few of us. Joe is not computer literate, and he isn't interested in reading all the internet research, unless I find something really interesting. I guess he feels that's enough that he is living with the diseases. It's not that he's in denial, it's more like medical overload for him. So I read, and read, and read and I've learned a great deal. It has helped me to help him at home and helped me to get him to treatment sooner rather than later. It is good for at least one person to do this. You only see the doctors briefly during appointments, and there are long periods of time when you will be your husband's "first responder". So read up and don't worry about it. If you come across something especially pertinent, then copy it for your husband, so he can read it when he likes.

Glad to see you back here, but not for the reason you are here. Let us know how things are going.

 

[HeatherT]

Thanks

Thanks

Thanks those of you who responded to my post. It always feels good knowing that people are going through the same things and or have gone through them so successfully.

The attitude and general attitude of selfless helpfulness here has brightened my day. Now.. off to get ready for this trip.

I won't see many other posts till late this week. But appreciate the support.

 

[hensylee]

Heather - I agree with Dave about how much time you need off. Maybe while he's in the hospital you won't have to take off all day every day but you will want to be there the day of surgery and the next, maybe part-time for the rest of hospital days, but once at home, he will need your help for at least a week, probably two. Of course, like Dave said, depending on how he gets on.

 

[Heather Fisher]

Hi Heather,

I know what a shock it is to your husband. I was shocked too when I was told it was time. The others are right when they say, don't put it off. My echo showed my valve to be smaller than the angigram did. I went ahead with the surgery anyway. I was glad to have it over with. This may have been the reason for fewer complications than normal. Count on taking off the week during surgery and the week after that when he is home. I could have made it by myself at home but probably wouldn't have liked it. I have a high tolerance to pain.

Good luck to you! My youngest (#2) is in basic training at FT. Knox, KY. I know how important it is to fit in all the family events. Fortunately he was able to delay his enlistment till after my surgery! Tell your husband to get on this website and start learning! We are all here for him!!!!

Heather (by the way, I like your name!)

 

[EVELYN]

Hi Heather

I was lucky when Tyce had his AVR in that I had just retired....the same day he had surgery!!

I would say that if at all possible you should take off three weeks...the week his surgery is scheduled and then two weeks post. Not only will he need you to be there, you'll be so emotionally involved that it won't be worth it for you to go into work. You will definitely need "ME TIME" and once you know he's fine, use it for you and running back and forth to the hospital.

When he gets home that first week, he'll definitely need you. Usually by the second week they can maneuver on their own, but if you're anything like I was and worried, I was much happier being with him.

My best to both you and your hubby.....we will be here for support, prayers, and whatever else you may need.

Evelyn

 

[John & Joann]

Hi Heather,

Been there, done that. Joann had her first surgery in 1971. She had the aortic and mitral valve replaced. I was only off work about 3 days. This was a BIG mistake. It told her that my job was more important than my wife. That caused me problems. Her mother took good care of her for about 3 weeks. I was home at night and she was there during the day.

Here second surgery was 1999. I was semi-retired and spent many days with her to recover. She fired me from the medicine responsibility. That was a BAD day for me, but should me that she was getting better.

Several suggestions:

Have a telephone credit card.

Identify 1 contact to relay information.

Have at least one person with you during surgery and stay with you for at least one additional day.

You will see things in the recovery/high level intensive care that will make you VERY upset. Your husband will not remember. They will monitor very closely for a few days.

He WILL be depressed.

Expect problems.

Learn about coumadin, medications, etc.

Get a BP kit to monitor atrial fib, BP, pulse, etc.

Ask questions if you are not comfortable with the situation.

Monitor his care.

PRAY! I am serious! God will be with both of you during the hospital and after dismissal.

Get out of the house and let someone else relieve you for a few hours.

Let us know if we can be of assistance.

Joann-32 years and still clicking.
John-44 years and still married.

Happy Thanksgiving!