Any other OHS patients develop bad attitude?

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M

momshell7

:confused: Ok here is a touchy subject I hope I can get some advice on. Jeff and I have been getting on each other's nerves the last few days. It seems like no matter what the other one does it's wrong. I know that once Jeff had his date set for his surgery we seemed to fight for the next week or so. I just figured that it was because the surgery had instantly become REAl and our nerves really set in. Prior to that we knew it was coming but until we had a date it was just "in the future". We saw the surgeon on Tuesday for a follow up and it seems like since then Jeff has been in a bad mood and it then rubs off on me. The surgeon said he was doing really good but that Jeff had to wait a total of four weeks to drive and go back to work half time. I don't know if the frustration of that is what is doing it or what. He has started back to work, against his doctor's orders. I am driving him to his appointments but he is still wanting to spend a lot of time at this office. His job is not physically demanding but I still worry. We need the money so unfortunately I can't protest too much. HELP!! I don't want to fight constantly!! I also don't want him to do too much too soon! AUGH :eek:
 
He's being very foolish and has been since getting home. I don't have the answers Michelle. Your going to have to let him go and hope all goes o.k. He probably feels that your worrying too much about him and I'm sure that you are. He's giving you every reason too. All I can say is try to distance yourself for a bit and see if things improve. He's trying to prove to himself that he is better and I think his body is telling him different though he insists on pushing it. He's most likely mad about that. Wish he wasn't so damn stubborn. :confused:
 
A bad attitude and short temper come just naturally after OHS, just like feeling kinder and gentler. The emotions are all messed up. There will most likely be depression as well. Recognize that these are just natural symptoms, and don't represent anyone's real feelings. Be patient with each other, for the emotions do fall back into balance eventually.
 
Emotions will be all over the place for quite a while. Jeff's body has been through the wringer in more ways than one. Everyone who has had this kind of surgery can have this type of emotional reaction. Please try not to take it personally, it will correct itself in a while. Some get sad and even cry, men and women as well. Some get angry and lash out. It's partly physical and partly emotional and partly the medications that are given and partly the anesthesia which can linger in the body for a while.

Give Jeff some space to get his equilibrium, and try not to hover. I know that Joe hated that.

The other side of the coin is that depression is very, very common with heart surgery patients, and if it doesn't go away in a reasonable amount of time, Jeff should speak with his doctor about some meds for it. Life is just too short to let this get in the way of enjoying a new lease on life.

AND-- speaking as a spouse of a much operated on fellow, you have been through a traumatic time yourself, and you also need some time to heal and also need some time to yourself. Jeff has proven that he is not breakable at the moment, so you could get out for a little while and enjoy a few things.

Wishing you both all the best.
 
It sounds like Jeff and Mike are both going through a whole range of emotions which is completely normal after open heart surgery, for the patient and the SO. When you're together, you rub each other up the wrong way sometimes. When you're apart, you suddenly absolutely have to talk to your SO, regardless of whether it might interrupt them.
You really just have to take things one day at a time. Try not to get too upset if Jeff's angry, or annoyed when Mike rings you while you're busy. They've both had major surgery and a ton of drugs pumped into them - they'll take a while to feel "normal" again. Things WILL get back to normal but it just takes time - unfortunately no amount of wishing and rushing will make it so any quicker.
I made a conscious decision before Jim's surgery that I wasn't going to have any expectations of how he should be behaving or feeling. OK, I was disappointed sometimes when he'd had a good day but the next day when we'd planned to go out he wasn't up to it. BUT in the end it turned out fine. He survived the surgery, I survived the worrying, and now we're stronger than ever.
Hang in there. And try to find something fun and relaxing you can do together this weekend.
Gemma.
 
*lowers head*

Quick answer to your question: Yes.

Holy crapola yes.

I'm sure my parents and sister could tell you tons of stories about my bad attitude. Heck, I was in a bad mood today en route home from my checkup with the cardiologist.

I think one of the things that you need to remember is that the bad mood (I'm guessing...or at least, this is the way it is in my case) is not about you. As has been eluded to, Jeff (like all of us) is processing a heck of a lot right now and probably needs to feel needed/in control.

Not sure if that makes sense...I know it's hard to explain to my parents and sister...let alone someone else....

So...hang in there. Everything does work out for the best....


Cort, "Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip", 31swm/pig valve/pacemaker
'72/'6/'9/'81/'7, train/models = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
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A lot of people who have had this surgery and other major, major surgeries just aren't prepared for the longer than normal recovery and the restrictions which are placed on their prior free lifestyle. When going through it, it is impossible, sometimes, to think that there will be an end in sight because it takes so long. It makes them feel way out of control of their lives and the fact that their own body and doctors/surgeon are dictating to them about what they can or cannot do. It's a bitter pill.

But the good news is that there is an end, and instead of giant steps, it will come in baby steps, not what most want, but it is progress, nonetheless.

So, "Mother, may I take a giant step?", "No, but you can take lots of baby steps." You'll still get there.
 
Pam Osse said:
I think that Cort just hit the nail on the head for me, as far as getting a perspective of what is going through Mike's head.

I'm glad I made some impact :).

I sure hope that Jeff and Mike also get the point, too. In other words, they should consider themselves freekin' lucky to have a loving wife to help them through this...yes, guys, help you through it. It is very hard to get through something like this completely alone.

Lucky, for my last surgery, my parents, sister, other family members, best friend, and tons (yes, tons) of other friends were there (either in person or in spirit) to lend support in more ways than one. But, it sure would've been nice to have a significant other to turn to as well....
 
The mood is better!!

The mood is better!!

Thanks everyone for your responses!! Jeff's and my moods have greatly improved the last day or so. I am glad to hear that it happens to others. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. He was making me so mad I felt like I could strangle him! Then I would feel bad for feeling that way. I couldn't help thinking about how worried I was just a few short weeks ago. I hated feeling mad at him but couldn't help it. I have been driving him to his appointments the last few day so it has given us time to be together, while not being stuck at home. Hopefully with my helping him, he won't over do it with his work. He is a real estate appraiser so the work isn't neccessarily physical but it can still be tiring. I have been doing all the driving and I process about three quarters of each appraisal so this should take a lot of the work off his shoulders. I will keep you all posted as to how he is doing. ( He didn't appreciate it that I tattled on him for starting to work and having a bad attitude so he may not post for awhile).
 
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