Anxiety Fatigue

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JCDavis81

The first time I needed surgery, I was told by my cardiologist via phone on November 30th. Ten days later, on December 10th, I was being wheeled into the OR at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami for the Ross Procedure.

That was almost exactly 8 years ago. This time, the waiting has been a little bit longer than 10 days. Four years ago I was told that my root had dialated and it may need to be fixed. In March, my cardiologist told me that my aortic insufficiency had become severe and that it needed to be fixed within 3-6 months. So I waited and decided November would be the best time to have it done.

So now November has arrived, I've picked a surgeon (who I'm meeting with for the second time at 1:30 today) and my surgery is 18 days away...let me tell you, it cannot come soon enough. I thought waiting 10 days was bad the first time, well wait 10 months is so much worse. It's not that I'm always worrying about the surgery (I do, but not all the time) but it is ALWAYS on my mind. I think about the surgery and the recovery, the type of valve vs. the type of repair, the surgeon and the hospital, insurance and travel. And on and on and on.

I'm so tired of it. I'm ready to get this thing over with. Now i finally mean it when I say, bring it on doc. I'm still scared at times but confident that I'll survive. I'm sure the night before surgery will be tough but it always is. I'm not going to cry anymore or be angry anymore or be worried anymore. I'm just going to laugh at the absurdity of it all and go into it with blind faith.

Have any of you seen Vanilla Sky? Most people hated it (I think I may have been the only person in the country that actually enjoyed it so I wouldn't recommend it if you haven't seen it). So if you haven't seen it and plan on doing so, don't read any further because I'm about to spoil the ending. (sorry paula ;) )










Anyway, at the end of the movie the main character is standing on the roof of a skyscrapper in a dream and can only wake up if he jumps off the roof -- he's not going to die, just wake up, but he's scared because he's afraid of heights. So he frets about it for a while and then all of a sudden RUNS toward the ledge, jumps up on it and then stops. He swivles around, smiles, then laughs (I assume about how absurd it is what he's about to do) and jumps.

That's how I feel right now. I'm ready to jump. I'm ready to laugh and be sure that I'm not going to go splat on the side walk.

I wish the surgery were tomorrow ;)
 
I guess i wont watch that film, now you'th just told me the end:D .I know what you mean about the waiting, we still have 2 weeks to wait just to find out what is going on, then my son will be having a cardiac cath, so i guess more waiting. yes its driving me mad and i think i will be releived when Curtis's surgery is behind him. They always give you too much time to think about things, i don't think they actually realise that, anyway chin up were not the only ones to have to wait and we sure wont be the last, it will all soon be over for you, so best of luck and take care. Paula x
 
JCDavis81 said:
I'm just going to laugh at the absurdity of it all and go into it with blind faith.
That is exactly what you need to do! There is nothing else to fight, so just laugh about it. :)
 
I KNOW how bad the waiting is - altho I was like Paula the first time - @ 2 weeks from diagnosis to surgery.

So, I found that there's nothing to relieve this anxiety like shopping - go entertain yourselves and get all your Christmas stuff and redirect your concerns from the surgery to the holidays.

And eat and drink and see movies or plays or concerts. How about a short weekend vacation at a B&B or luxury hotel?

I think you need to look at the next couple of weeks as "found" time and really enjoy it. Then you can look back and remember with a smile (while you're sitting in your recliner hating the spirometer or taking care of your son who doesn't want to be fussed over . . .).

Good luck, guys - waiting really isn't fun.
 
When you come right down to it, what choice do you really have? What choice did any of us have? Surgery is scary - we know we risk death going into it (even if the odds are heavily weighted in our favor). We think "Gosh, I'm about to do something that may end my life!" What the scarier thing is, doing nothing would end our lives with a 100% certainty. But for some unknown reason, the reality of that doesn't seem to sink in.

In Vanilla Sky - the character's choice was similar - continue in the dream and really have no true life - or take that scary leap for life.

You're going to make that leap, land on your feet and take a gracious bow.
 
Amen to what Karylnn put so well and we will all be waiting here to applaud your successful surgery and your bow!
 
GIT ER DONE!



and I know all about the jitters -- for two weeks I lived with a mis-diagnosis (from a Cat Scan) of Interstitial Lung Disease, in plain language - pulmonary fibrosis. Dang, but I thought for sure it was curtains. Went in to see the specialist praying I would only have a mild form of it - came away clean.
 
Georgia said:
I KNOW how bad the waiting is - altho I was like Paula the first time - @ 2 weeks from diagnosis to surgery.
They told us he would definetly need this second surgery in march so we've been waiting 8 months with 2 weeks left for his check-up.Then we will have to wait again for a cardiac cath. Well really we've known about this from birth, so i have had more than my fair share of waiting.
 

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