A different kind of heart ache

[karenm]

Hi all!
Well I am just waiting for Erica Kane from the "One Life to Live" show to ring my door bell! My partner of 23 years has just informed me that our relationship is about to end.
Seems that cliche of turning to another person when in time of stress, and then staying there is coming true. My question to you all is, has this happened to you? Did you manage to work through it? Will it all be ok?

I know that you can not fix it, and it will take time. I am just hoping that someone can say, "yep, that emotional toll of surgery can hit partners as well as patients, and just give it time." Thanks, and if I see Erica I'll get her autograph for you all!
~Karen

 

[Gnusgal]

I have no words of wisdom, but I wanted to say you are in my thoughts and prayers. What you are facing is the one thing I dread happening the most. All the procedures and surgeries in the world don't scare me nearly as much. I feel for you. If you need to talk, I'm here.

 

[Karlynn]

Karen, no words of wisdom from me either. But I too will be praying for you. Support comes in many ways.

 

[Missy]

Maybe it would have happened anyway.
This is a hard time for you and I am pulling for you.
Need to talk? Say the word.

 

[Abbanabba]

Oh Karen, that's so rough. Have you been able to sit down and talk about the reasons? If there's nothing more than your partner turning to another shoulder while trying to cope with the stress of everything, then I would definitely question this decision (..we can do very out of character things in times of stress..). If there's other reasons behind it, you deserve to know and at least have the chance to address these issues and try to resolve them.

I really wish I could offer you more than that. My heart goes out to you.

Anna

 

[hensylee]

Karen you are the second member this has happened to. They worked it out and perhaps she will come in to add some words of wisdom. All you can do for the moment is ride it out and wait and see. If it does come to pass, you WILL SURVIVE. I had a long marriage, it ended, I survived and am a better person for it and way happier. That was 23 yrs ago. For now, you are suffering, and will for quite some time, but there is another life for you along the path and you will find it. If it happens for sure, give yourself some time to grieve, then get angry - and you will find that you can go on. If you can work it out, that will be good, too. My prayers are yours. Bless you

 

[gijanet]

Oh, Karen...........

Oh, Karen...........

just had to send you hugs. If there was something I could do to take the hurt away, I would. My best friend's "worm" left her when she was going through chemo for ovarian cancer. Miraculously, she survived, and I don't know if you know the stats on ovarian cancer, but it truly was a miracle, and she is doing incredibly well, despite the absence of her worm. If she can do it, you can, too. I truly hope that your husband comes to his senses. If not, then the loss is his, although I realize that is of little comfort now. You have my prayers and sending lots of hugs, too.

 

[hensylee]

why are all the responses to this thread from females?

 

[geebee]

Karen,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know this is hard but, I can tell you from experience, that life will be better.
I was married for 18 years when it came to an end in 1987. I was not sure how to cope but I managed.
I then met up with a wonderful man that I have been with for almost 17 years. Our relationship gets better every year so I have high hopes for a lifetime.
However, I do know now that, no matter how difficult something seems, I will get through it.
I wish that peace of mind for you.
Smiles,
Gina

 

[karenm]

Thanks!

Thanks!

Thanks everyone for your kind words.
It has been almost four full days since I got my news, and the sky has not fallen. I just had a good talk with my brother - who has been divorced twice and he has helped me to realize that I can easily take care of myself and my son financially. This is a burden off me. Now to some how wade through the minefield of emotions in the coming days/weeks/months.

I appreciate all your hugs and warm words. When looking at all the friends and family that I am sure to lose during this process, it is nice to have my cyber family of friends to chat with!

Oh, and we never got married ... just 23 years and a son, but that may (or may not) mean less $$ for lawyers if it comes to that point! Just wanted to be honest with you all.
Thanks!
~Karen

 

[Diane]

Karen,
I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, like most of the others, I don't have any words of wisdom either. I hope you two will be able to talk about it and work it out. Anyway, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Diane

 

[ericaj]

I wish that I had some wise words of wisdome from you, but I don't. I think that through all things good and bad we become stronger people by finding our way and in the end moving fwd regardless. I really wish that there was something I could say or something that I could do that would ease the pain.

My thoughts are with you,

Erica

 

[joy]

I have an answer for you Ann, Woman understand each other more than guys understand. I have a friend who is in a bad predicament...Her husband is a classic DV case. They got into a huge fight, and now she's considering leaving him, but she doesn't know what to do. I know I could tell her to leave him, but that is not my place. I can only support her, and do the same for you. Whatever you decide, we are all behind you. We are all family here. Good luck in your decision, and I'm sorry for your heartache.

Joy

 

[hensylee]

Karen, regardless of the legal license, you need a lawyer. You have a child - you have gathered property. Go see one. You can't just drop/accept it. Get a divorce specialist - they are out there. You need legal advice, so do it, or later you will regret it. A lawyer will make you suddenly sit up and take notice of what is really involved in this situation. Stand up for you.

 

[Harrybaby666]

Here's one from a male....

Here's one from a male....

why are all the responses to this thread from females?

Maybe because we don't know what to say? Although I think it's horrible for someone to leave another person because of a health issue...it just seems to me that the health issue at hand should pull the couple together, and not drive them apart. My sympathies go out to you karenm. I guess this must be the reason that I am still single-the fear of being left by someone when they find out how sick I am. I pray that you have the strength and the courage to get through this and keep on Keepin On!! Take Care, and my best wishes and prayers are with you. Harrybaby666

 

[Guest]

I guess this must be the reason that I am still single-the fear of being left by someone when they find out how sick I am.

*nods knowingly*

Me, too. Sorta.

While dating my ex, I was always subconsciously wondering if she was going to dump me because of my health issues. Nope. Instead, she dumped me because she felt guilty about cheating on me...doing something with someone else that she hadn't "found the right time" for with me.

*shrugs*

I also haven't responded to this thread, like so many others, because I just don't know what to say.... Words seem so inadequate at times.


Cort, "Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip", 31swm/pig valve/pacemaker
'72/'6/'9/'81/'7, train/models = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
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[MichyB]

I don't know what else to say either except I'm so sorry and am pulling for you. Relationships are so complex ... noone knows except the people who are in them (and sometimes even they don't know) why they come to an end. There are people who stick by though ... a few of them are on here constantly pulling for their loved ones. This probably won't help now but perhaps in the future ... you will find one of those people.

Take care.

 

[Phyllis]

Karen,
As a lawyer's wife, I've seen it all and I agree with Hensylee- don't just walk away and drop it- see a lawyer. There are common- wife laws and you deserve to get whatever help you can supporting your child. Twenty-three years is a long investment and deserves a return! Our best wishes to you and your son.