It's the middle of the night. My belly is churning. I can't sleep. So I decide to pass the time with humor, or at least attempting humor.
I once saw some one's post where they refered to colonoscopy as a "tunnel rat". I started to dream up some other names, expressions and comments that fit the moment. Mind you, after 24 hours of clear liquids without solid food and many trips to the "necessary room", I'm a little loopy.
But of course, someone has beat me to it. I found this on several Internet sites........... A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the
Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
Here are a few of my own. Feel free to add any.
Swimming against the tide
Going up sh** creek
Backdoor backstroke
Flooding the poop deck
The Poseidon Adventure
Hunt for Red October
I'm Claritin clear
Hello darkness my old friend
Say hello to my little friend
Bowel function junction
What can brown do for you today?
Smile, you're on Candid Camera
Grim creeper
Wipper snipper
The other side of regular
7 Up yours
There, now maybe I can get some sleep. (Well, after I make another pit stop........I know..........sigh.......TMI.)
I once saw some one's post where they refered to colonoscopy as a "tunnel rat". I started to dream up some other names, expressions and comments that fit the moment. Mind you, after 24 hours of clear liquids without solid food and many trips to the "necessary room", I'm a little loopy.
But of course, someone has beat me to it. I found this on several Internet sites........... A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the
Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
Here are a few of my own. Feel free to add any.
Swimming against the tide
Going up sh** creek
Backdoor backstroke
Flooding the poop deck
The Poseidon Adventure
Hunt for Red October
I'm Claritin clear
Hello darkness my old friend
Say hello to my little friend
Bowel function junction
What can brown do for you today?
Smile, you're on Candid Camera
Grim creeper
Wipper snipper
The other side of regular
7 Up yours
There, now maybe I can get some sleep. (Well, after I make another pit stop........I know..........sigh.......TMI.
)
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