A blue day

[Babydoll]

Hi Everyone,
Am having a blue day! I feel like Eeyore losing his tail! I finally mailed my charity tickets back in hopes to sell them since I have given in and made the choose that it's not a good thing to push my self 10days post op. Have a major headache And it seemed that I was reminded all day that I am going to have to replace this valve. I work as a nurse in a Dr office and alot of my patients knew I had a heart cath and they keep asking the results Love the concern and support of my patients but by the end of the day I am so tried of explaining my heart. Even my Dr. today looked at me and ask you are going to be ok and come back right? He is the best boss and he acted like a little child wanting to make sure am going to be in his life! He really is great he is paying me the whole time am out plus giving me my bonus before going into the hospital. Then I got the image of my little brother(26yrs old) seeing me on the vent with all the tubes in. He has always knew of the heart problems but has never seen me weak I never let him treat me any different than anyone else. Am scared to let him see me that way? Am the Big Sister am suppose to keep him from having to deal with the bad stuff! I even mention to my mom about not letting him come down when I first have my surgery even though she thinks it's because I don't want him to miss any work and be a hardship to him was that wrong? I really don't want to be a hardship to him he has a family of his own now. I have just had a very negative outlook on things today. I even started with the insurance comp. if people only knew how much insurance companys control their health care people would get more involved in poltics of the whole thing You would think the Dr. would be making the final choice but it's not true insurance puts a stop to alot of things including the med you take. two choices take your dr advice and pay alot of money with no help from insurance or go by the insurance choice and take a chance with your health just because it's not on their perfered list.
Ok am getting off my soapbox thanks for letting me vent ~26days to go Stacey

 

[Karlynn]

Stacey,
You are definately on the shadowed side of the mountain right now where things are darker. The climb up the mountain can be tough, the climb back down isn't exactly a piece of cake, but it's the side the sun in shining on.

Hang in there. Treat yourself to some comfort food, comfort movies, comfort books. Gravitate to anything that gives you the "warm fuzzies".

You are allowed to have days like today and you came to the right place to vent.

 

[Glenda]

Stacey, you are having normal feelings. Consider this a "hug" and I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way. Hang in there, it won't be long now and you'll be looking back on this day.

 

[Ross]

Try not to overwhelm yourself with this stuff and these feelings. It's all perfectly normal and there isn't a one of us that haven't felt the same things you are now. It will get better. I promise it will.

 

[Abbanabba]

Hey Stacey,

Hang in there!! We all go through days where things get to us more than usual, but it passes.

About your brother.... I've also got a "little" brother about that age - all 6'3'' of him! - but I figure he's a grown-up (..complete with an ex-wife and kids of his own..) who is old enough to decide what he can or cannot deal with. I was also his "protector" when we were younger, but there comes a time when you have to accept your little brothers (and/or sisters) really can handle the less pleasant things that life sometimes throws at us all. You just worry about yourself and making sure you're OK. I'm sure your brother - and the rest of your family - will be able to watch out for themselves (..and I'm sure you know this too, but being down makes you stress more about things you don't really need to..).

Meanwhile, run yourself a nice big bubble-bath, complete with candles, your favourite CD and a big fluffy bath-robe for afterwards!!

All the best
Anna : )

 

[bvdr]

Hi Stacey, I was just checking in before leaving for work and really had no intention of posting anything this morning....but, I really feel for you right now. What you are going through is pretty normal. My husband isn't one who takes medical things very well at all and I was concerned how he would do but I think he is stronger for having gone through being "the caregiver" for a little while. I'm hoping this will be beneficial for your brother too. As for you, work on the things now that may make it easier on you after surgery. Pre-pay a few bills, stock your pantry, make sure your wash is all caught up....you know the type of things. Also pray and use this time to do the soul searching that many of us put off. Just get things in order and then try to relax as much as you can. Before long, this time will be behind you and you will be giving this same kind of advice to others going through that really hard pre-op period.

 

[Nancy]

Hi Stacey-

Sounds as if you have some wonderful people in your life, your family and your boss. The reason you are having this done is to help you feel better and improve your health. It's an arduous task, but in the end, it's worth every minute of it. You'll be better and healthier than you have been in years.

Don't worry about others feelings or how they will handle it, if they are adults, they will find the resources to "buck up" and see the thing through. You'll only be the patient for about 6 weeks, then you'll be feeling quite well. Don't be too proud to ask for help from everyone who is close to you. They want to help, and it is gracious to let them help. Receiving is just as important as giving, and we all have to learn to be gracious receivers, especially those of us who have always taken care of others. Your family and friends will be so happy that they pleased and helped you. And it will bring you closer together.

Wishing you all the best.

 

[Harpoon]

Stacey,
Most of the folks here who've been through surgery have gone through what you're experiencing right now. It's normal and it's OK.

I felt terrible before my vave replacement. Physically and emotionally drained almost to some breaking point. I hated the idea of my family having to go through all of it with me. I really wanted to just do it on my own and not bother them, not be a burden... I know what you're feeling in regards to your brother. I'm the older one as well and my brother watched me lay for days on end in a hospital bed in the pICU on life support along with both of my parents and my fiance (we're married now)

They all wanted and NEEDED to be there for me. There wasn't any other place they could have been at that time. They wouldn't have been able to function very well in their day to day lives anyways while I was struggling for survival. I was in VERY rough shape for a VERY long time.

It's really rough and there aren't any easy answers. Try to find some little things to smile about. Movies can be good, books maybe. Music. You'll want stuff to take your mind off of how your heart's doing and try to do those things as much as you can.

Everything DOES get better though, try to remember that. As bad as it is for you right now, once the surgery is over with and you're past the initial recovery (a week maybe, maybe a little more) then it's all smooth sailing for just about everyone.

I had some "pre-exsisting" stuff that complicated matters so I kinda missed the first month or so of my recovery (again, I was in REALLY rough shape) but once I got home from the hospital EVERYTHING was just so new and fresh and wonderful. It was a very special experience and I don't think you can really get that until after having gone through such a life changing surgery like valve replacement.


Hang in there, EVERYONE'S pulling for you. =)

 

[Babydoll]

Feeling better

Feeling better

Thanks everyone! It's nice just to be able to vent to people who really do understand instead of the polite nod and saying they understand(from the normal people) I know that they have no idea the emotions that are involved not to mention the whole drained feeling that your heart can make you feel at times. I do feel alittle better today! Thanks for the support and am sure i'll vent again before my surgery.
Stacey

 

[Debrinha GT]

As time gets closer!

As time gets closer!

Hi Stacey, for the time being, I've been leading a pretty normal life even though I'm well aware of the fact that I will have to face my fourth surgery eventually. Whenever I think of something concerning the future, I can't help wondering if the operation will come first and so on, and that's when reality really hits me hard. I also know that when the time comes for me to hear from the doctor the words I most dread, I'll not feel any better than you do right now. No matter how much we think we are prepared for such a thing, it's always a big shock when you actually get there. What I try to bear in mind though is that we only have to options here: either we accept facts and try our best to reamain emotionally stable thus making it easier on ourselves, or panic, which can only make matters worse for an individual's emotional state does play a very important part in the healing process. Think of all this and try to come to terms with the whole issue. Then, make sure you find something nice to keep your mind busy in order to enjoy life a bit so that you can feel stronger when the big day arrives. As for your brother and family in general, let them take care of you now instead of worrying so much. I'm sure they'll know what to do while you're in hospital and remember, this has an effect on them too and they need to get involved and feel that they're helping.
Take care!
Débora

 

[medtronic of borg]

Brothers

Brothers

You sound like you love your brother very much. call him and get him involved in your care...you will be glad you did.
Med